anagramofbrat: (my friends need to be punished)
[personal profile] anagramofbrat
I usually do SOMETHING little and non-asshatty for April Fools, but couldn't muster up the care for it this time. Oh well. Thankfully my day has been pretty devoid of pranks. I don't have really have the brain for them today.

I find myself wondering more and more seriously if I should try to get back into therapy, because meds and Ongoing Possibly Worsening Issues and Bullshit I Am Not Getting Over By Myself. Talk therapy doesn't seem to work for me all that much, though - my need to please authority figures at all costs to keep from "getting in trouble" kicks in and surfaces don't get scratched. See also I don't want to try to find a kink and poly friendly WOC therapist in Whitey White McWhiteville Massachusetts. I'd be better off finding unicorns on Mt. Sugarloaf.

Have signed up for and was all set to go to next Monday's poly gathering but saw C's name on the guest list and am now revising that idea. *sigh* Speaking of Bullshit I Am Not Getting Over By Myself. Considering those scars have been reopening with a vengeance over the past two months I really have to wonder if I'm ever going to get to a place where that shit won't hurt me anymore, and part of me is thinking if I haven't gotten there yet, maybe I won't. Is that okay? I don't know. Probably not.

A full week after his ordeal, and Mr Beams is coming to the end doses of his medications and seems to be doing ok. Hoping that means I can have my bathroom back soon and start dousing my house in oxiclean.

This weekend: braid dark green yarn into hair, pull out the boxes, figure out burlesquey stuff. I have a week and a half. Yikes. Oh and Easter stuff too.

Tomorrow - Doctors and Errandry hooray.

Now - Alas, disturb a comfy, purring Lily and hie myself to bells. No rest for the wicked.

on 2015-04-01 10:25 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile]
You are absolutely allowed to not be over your ex and the stuff surrounding the break-up. I still have one ex I'm not able to deal with any my relationship with this person wasn't nearly as long as yours was with C.

on 2015-04-02 12:44 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile]
Argh, that's frustrating about not being able to attend meetups because of the ex possibly being in attendance. :(

on 2015-04-02 02:54 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile]
I'm still not over Wingding nearly fifteen years later, to the point that the idea of a single dinner date with someone damn near gave me a nervous breakdown. You have every right to avoid someone who was toxic for you.

Geek Answer Syndrome strikes again

on 2015-04-02 04:27 am (UTC)
kshandra: The Sacred Chao from the Principia Discordia, in gold, superimposed on a Bisexual Pride flag (Bi Chao)
Posted by [personal profile] kshandra
I just poked at the Kink Aware Professionals Directory and found this:

No POCs, but almost all female, and even if they're not the right people for you, they may be able to point you in the right direction.

(Pick MA rather than Massachusetts in the drop-down menu on the KAP search page, you'll get more results.)

on 2015-04-03 02:55 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile]
Finding a good therapist is a battle. I totally lucked out with mine; I called her mid-crisis after randomly choosing her online. Before her, I suffered through years of "I'd feel bad if I fired you but you're not really helping" therapists. I'm sure they _must_ exist - maybe try further south in Springfield/Holyoke area?

<3 It sucks when you can't go to gatherings where you'd like to connect with other like-minded people because an ex is part of that circle. :-/ Major bummer.


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