Jan. 4th, 2015

anagramofbrat: (brat)
I think if I had to take away anything from this past holiday season, it's that children think I'm awesome. I'm not saying this to toot my own horn or anything, I'm mostly putting it here for posterity because it's something I forget, and indeed something I thought I'd lost in the nearly two decades since I went away to college. Several things have happened over this past Christmas that have assured me that this is not the case, aside from the constant affirmation of this from Kidzilla and Wee Beastie.

When I went down to see the fam a few weeks back, Nuke thought it would be a grand idea for us all to write letters to each other and had us read them out loud after dinner. Most of us groaned over the exercise and it being my family, a good portion of the letters were loving snarks, but it turned out to be really touching and many of us got to say things to each other that we don't normally. And I think all of us were moved by the letters we got from the younger folk in the family. I got one from Spring this year, and when she read it to me, even though she was doing it in a funny voice... well, here:

Dear Andee,

I apologize for my handwriting, I'm sitting on a train.

So when I found out I got you for my letter, I smiled. There's so much I want to say to you. First, I hope you realize that you made my childhood so perfectly awesome. I remember being young and getting to 47 and the first thing I'd do was race Roy up the stairs to get to your room. You were always so much fun! You had so much patience with me and always hung out with us. It was awesome.

It's amazing that we're all so much older now. Which brings me to my next point. You are by far the best mom in the world and I envy those little critters. Now don't get me wrong, my mom is a serious slice of perfection pie. But I know that you're a mom like no other as well. I'm so pumped because I know your kids will have a childhood full of so much magic, laughter and most importantly, culture. I am so excited to see the awesome people they grow up to be just so you know how great you really are. If I could, I'd send all children to live with you because I know your atmosphere is where children's dreams go to take flight!

So to end my letter, I want to wish you a merry Christmas. I wish you and the family a beautiful New Year. And lastly I thank you. I thank you for all of the love you have given me and I thank you for being you.



Yeah, I nearly cried. Hell, just transcribing it I'm choking up a little bit. One of the things I constantly feel guilty about w/r/t my family is that even though I desperately needed the distance I put between myself and them in college and most of my 20s, it did also mean that I wasn't there nearly enough for my niblings. Considering Dakota was born my freshman year, I feel like I pretty much missed him entirely, and Gabe... ehh, not so much either, though the last few times we've gotten together have been good times, and he's still only 13 so it's not too late there. But I don't know, hearing that I did have a loving positive impact on Spring... It means a lot. I remember I was hitting the road back to MA that night and I was sitting in traffic on the BQE and realizing with horror that I'd left Spring's letter behind, so I called Ruthy to ask her to drop it in the mail for me.

I discount the near constant assurances from Drew that I'm doing right by his short stacks, but I really shouldn't. Between the Thanksgiving trip to New York and their damned awesome Christmas if I do say so myself... I don't know. Even above and beyond that, I think all three of them recognize I'm trying my best with what little time I have with them, rewarded in tight squeezes, still slightly slobbery kisses and Kidzilla telling me I'm awesome. It does make the groaning, stubbornness and Wee Beastie insisting that I must hate him whenever I enforce rules worth it, lol.

Other little stuff that's underscored this to me were interactions with various not-my-kiddos over new years. I finally met [livejournal.com profile] coureton and [livejournal.com profile] stormslegacy's baby New Years Eve and again on New Years Day when they surprise showed up for Storytime. My own babycrazy and angst aside, I did spend a fair amount of time specifically doing silly things at him just to get him to burble and grin at me. Which he did. A lot. And [livejournal.com profile] inle_rah brought her family with her to Storytime as well, which included a toddler (who immediately lit up when we pulled out the bendy racetrack and light-up cars Beastie got for Christmas) and a newly minted teenager into Everything Nerdy who declared me awesome upon learning that I'm into Foxtrot, Calvin and Hobbes, RPGs, videogames and Minecraft. I let him tool around the world I've been building and I think some of my structures about blew his mind. So yeah... that was pretty great as well.

I angst a lot about not having my own spawn, and I'll probably continue to do so on some level, but it's really really REALLY good to know that I did do and am doing right by the kids associated with me and mine. Atmosphere of dreams and magic indeed.
anagramofbrat: (ARBT logo)
Originally posted by [livejournal.com profile] maschalismos at A cry from the soul, a call for help
UGH. Ok. So, here we go. Long story short, 2014 was the year of medical fuckery and medical bills for me and my health is still pretty much in the shitter. Until the nurses and docs figure out treatment that actually works for me -- last medication for pain and neurological symptoms had me coughing up coagulated blood for a few weeks, that was fun -- my medical bills will continue to climb. I do still have a job...for now, but I am closer than I like to think to having to sell everything I own and. I don't know, honestly? I've hit the level of hopelessness, despair, and panic where thinking is sluggish and brackish.


What I'm fumbling at horribly is this: If anyone is able to give anything, I'd be immensely grateful. No, seriously. Anything. The bank and the hospital will take pennies and so will I.

But only if you're able to give.

Let me repeat that.

Only give money to help me out if you are able to do so without adding undue stress to yourself.

We're all struggling out here, I know my struggle is nowhere near the worst, so please. Please, please, *please* do not put yourself out trying to help me. Rather than donate your money, donate some good energy my way in whatever form that is for you, but only if you have *that* to spare. Trust me, I understand only having enough energy to keep yourself vertical and not falling into traffic, so don't send what you can't spare.

I'm not putting an amount on this because there is no way I'm asking folks for the obscene amount of money I owe the medical establishment. I'll just say again, any little bit will help. If you're able to help, you can donate here or just paypal me at the.lost.maenad AT gmail DOT com.

I hate asking for help or bothering people but I'm running out of options and maybe, just maybe, this long shot will actually bear fruit. Without being a loan with 70% interest.

Please share as, again, any little bit helps. And more little bits from more people help even more.

Now, if you will excuse me, the panic attack I've been stavving off is galloping over the horizon and I really must see to it.

Thank you all for whatever you're able to do.

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[Error: unknown template qotd]Its kind of a good thing I don't have very much disposable income, otherwise I'd be drowning in American Girl dolls and Hess trucks.


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