fairestcat: naked woman reading. vintage (Reading)
[personal profile] fairestcat
Posting another book post, because I'm about to leave for a week of camping at a pagan festival. Since I'm not actually pagan, just pagan-adjacent, and so have no interest in most of the panels and rituals, I mostly end up relaxing and reading a lot. It should be lovely.

The last week has been a mix of queer romances and SF/F short stories.

Seasons of Glass and Iron - Amal El-Mohtar - ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

A gorgeous contemporary fairytale about women saving each other. read more )

Things With Beards - Sam J. Miller - ★ ★ ★ ★

An intriguing and unsettling sequel to the movie The Thing, this is ultimately a story about identity, what we hide of ourselves, what we reveal, and what that choice costs us. read more )

The Orangery - Bonnie Jo Stufflebeam - ★ ★ ★ ★

A striking story about predatory men and the choices women make to escape them, told through the framework of Greek myth.

A Fist of Permutations in Lighting and Wildflowers - Alyssa Wong - ★ ★ ★ ★

Gorgeous, beautifully written story about sisterhood and loss and individual choice, told through a metaphor of superpowers. read more )

Touring With the Alien - Carolyn Ives Gilman - ★ ★

I wanted to like this story -- it's certainly well-written -- but found myself fundamentally disagreeing with it instead. read more )

Spice and Smoke (Bollywood Confidential #1) - Suleikha Snyder - ★

Wow did I hate this book. Enough that I rage-quit it about 2/3 of the way through.

From the summary I went into this book expecting poly relationship negotiations and a generally happy poly ending for everyone.

What I got was jealousy, bitterness and dishonesty, with a side of "you're only sleeping around because you're unhappy," and "when you're really in love with someone you'll want to be monogamous." read more )

Madeleine - Amal El-Mohtar - ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

A gorgeous story about mourning and loss and memory and coming out of the dark.

Madeleine's slow, unexpected journey back from grief is just perfect.

Waiting For The Flood - Alexis Hall - ★ ★ ★ ★

A lovely story about mourning for what might have been and finding the courage to once again dream of the future. read more )

And Their Lips Rang With The Sun - Amal El-Mohtar - ★ ★ ★ ★

A beautiful, unusual folk tale.

El-Mohtar creates a vivid mythology, filled with striking visual imagery.

The Art of Space Travel - Nina Allan - ★ ★ ★

A quiet story about memory and history and legacy set against an SF-nal background.

I liked the narrator and the stream of consciousness style, but it ultimately felt kind of unresolved.

Our Talons Can Crush Galaxies - Brooke Bolander - ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Short, intense, and unapologetically angry. read more )

Catalysts: The Scientific Method (Scientific Methods Universe #1) - Kris Ripper - ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Fuck. This is so fucking hot. And kinky. But also intense and emotionally revelatory and unconventionally romantic and one of the most honest depictions of poly I've ever read. read more )

Unexpected Gifts (Scientific Method Universe #2) - Kris Ripper - ★ ★ ★ ★

This series continues to be SO good. read more )

Take Three Breaths (Scientific Method Universe #3) - Kris Ripper - ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

This one's a rough read, but entirely worth it. read more )
fairestcat: Dreadful the cat (Default)
[personal profile] fairestcat
This month you get a double-length playlist, because there were just too many tracks to choose from.

I might have a lot of feelings about the patriarchy and the ways I'd like to fuck it up. One or two at least.

Making it double length also meant I could justify having more than one track by a couple artist.

I've put content warnings on some of these songs. Unsurprisingly, considering the subject matter, there's some discussion of rape and some use of homophobic and misogynistic slurs.

40 songs. 2 hours, 23 minutes of music

fuck the patriarchy (I will not be afraid of women)
Zip file on dropbox (211MB) or Individual tracks on dropbox

As Cool As I Am - Dar Williams
Every Mother's Son - The Pretenders
Quiet - MILCK
Who's That Girl - Robyn
Pretty Hurts - Beyonce
Me And A Gun - Tori Amos (cw: rape)
The Oxford Girl - Oysterband (cw: implied violence against women)
Boys Who Rape (Should All Be Destroyed) - The Raveonettes (cw: rape)
A Girl Needs A Knife - Flash Girls
The Maid On The Shore - Stan Rogers
Real Men - Joe Jackson (cw: homophobic language)
Lucystoners - Amy Ray (cw: homophobic language)
Big Boy On A Saturday Night - Kirsty Maccoll
Daddy Lessons - Beyonce & The Dixie Chicks
Red Dirt Girl - Emmylou Harris
Fast Car - Tracy Chapman
Black Water - Alina Simone
The Old Maid In The Garrett - Steeleye Span
Chill Factor - The Pretenders
Burn - Phillipa Soo
Dixon's Girl - Dessa
Getting Ready To Get Down - Josh Ritter
Manic Pixie Dream Girl - Scary Bear Soundtrack and Avid Napper
Revolver - The Donnas
Break The Sky - The Hush Sound
Cry Like A Man - Christy Moore
When I Was A Boy - Dar Williams
No Mermaid - Sinead Lohan
Drinking With The Jocks - Against Me! (cw: homophobic and misogynistic language)
Androgynous - Joan Jett
Patriarch On A Vespa - Metric
The Ballad of Mary Magdalene - Richard Shindell
Sex Is Not The Enemy - Garbage
Goodbye Earl - Dixie Chicks
Milford Haven - Oysterband
Seneca Falls - The Distillers
I'm In The Band - Bratmobile
Bros - Wolf Alice
Feminism Is For Everybody (With A Beating Heart And A Functioning Brain) - Anti-Flag

As usual, I'd love a comment if you download.

Also, if you like anything I post I encourage you to buy more from the artists.

(no subject)

Jul. 28th, 2017 01:55 am
alexseanchai: Blue and purple lightning (Default)
[personal profile] alexseanchai
One of KM Weiland's pieces of advice in Outlining Your Novel (though this is actually in chapter "Before You Begin Your Outline") is:

"If you could have a professional reviewer read your idealized concept of your finished book and totally get it—completely understand everything you're trying to say with your characters, plot, dialogue, and themes—what would he write about your story?"

And then you, being specific, thorough, and extravagant, are that reviewer.

OKAY THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN wait how do I do that

A Shopping Excursion

Jul. 28th, 2017 12:35 am
viridian5: (Still fighting)
[personal profile] viridian5
It wasn't supposed to be.

A while ago I got a CVS coupon for $5 off a $30 purchase from allergy brands X and Y. I'd gotten home tonight and settled in for a while then randomly checked the expiration date of said coupon around 8:40 pm and discovered it was that very day! Panicked, I checked the internet for the closing time and saw it listed as 10 pm. I picked up my cell phone but not my cable and extra battery power piece because it was just a quick car trip and back!

An employee was closing the door of that CVS as I arrived at 8:58. I yelled to him from my car in the parking lot that surely he wasn't closing because the internet said it closed at 10. No, he said, they close at 9, as he closed down right in front of me.

I was ticked off but remembered there was a 24-hour CVS a ten- to fifteen-minute drive away. Saved! But that CVS didn't have the 70 tablets edition I wanted and the ones they did have didn't add up to $30. Also, a lot of their display were cards that you bring to the counter to pay for and then I guess you trade them for the actual product, waiting for an employee to be free and go off to get it. Thus, I'm not buying allergy medications there ever.

Now it was personal.

I found out what other 24-hour CVSs were near me on my phone and figured out the closest one, then I was off. I figured it didn't matter this one was on Queens Boulevard in Forest Hills because it was now 9:30 pm. Heh. After I arrived it took me an additional 15 minutes and a lot of driving to find a parking spot--this one doesn't have a lot to park in--and only got one by dumb luck. I'll take dumb luck.

They had the one I wanted--on the shelf itself even, no card to product exchange necessary--and another thing I also wanted and could have the 30% off coupon applied to as well. I tried the auto Express Checkout, only to have the machine take my coupon and $2 Extra Bucks but refuse to give me my 30%, so I had a hovering employee cancel the transaction and give me my coupons back so I could have a human being ring me up. She gave me the $5 off, the $2 Extra Bucks, the 30% off, and figured that my things were healthcare purchases so she gave me an additional available discount. Lesson: Always go human. A bill that could've come out to about $55 cost me $26.75.

So I got a huge discount, but man did they make me work for it. I was home an hour and 20 minutes after I left.
umadoshi: (fangirl (bisty_icons))
[personal profile] umadoshi
[dreamwidth.org profile] wildpear was over last night, and among other things, we started talking about how it'd been ages since we watched anything together. We keep meaning to do that regularly during our hangouts, but ultimately The X-Files wasn't working for her--it's so very much of its time, although she's glad to have much more context for it now, because of course it's also powerfully influential--and we haven't really started in on anything else, other than the time I showed her an ep. of Princess Jellyfish.

We talked a bit about things we've been watching and meaning to watch individually: me wanting to watch Black Sails, her starting in on season 2 of Switched at Birth (which meant I got to tell her that Allison Scagliotti guest-starred in a couple of episodes at some point--[dreamwidth.org profile] wildpear, if you see this, she's in season 2!) and having watched the first few episodes of Wynonna Earp). Wynonna Earp led to talking about shows that come with the "the first chunk of episodes are weak/terrible/not representative" warning, which is so common (see also: Black Sails), and between those things Stitchers came up, and then I was saying I still haven't seen the final season of The Vampire Diaries, other than the season premiere, even though--despite having wandered off from the show in early season 5 or so--I've been meaning to watch that season because Scags is in it.

I remember showing [dreamwidth.org profile] wildpear a random episode from...uh, I don't remember; maybe late season 2?...back when I was watching TVD, and I don't think she remembers anything about that, but she somehow wound up watching the very first episode at one point and (fairly) thought it was absolutely terrible...and her mentioning that led to me telling her that even though I abandoned the show, it was way better than that once you get through the first chunk of episodes, although I honestly can't imagine ever rewatching past the first couple of seasons (once it gets into the whole Originals thing, roughly).

Upshot: I read her the Wikipedia summaries for episodes 1x01-1x05, and showed her 1x06, in which Elena and Stefan have the whole "oh God, you're a vampire!!!" day of explanations and he tells her some things about Katherine. I don't know if we'll watch further; I'm game, so it depends on her. (From the summary I expected more Katherine backstory than we actually got in that episode, which is why we watched that one, but IIRC that's around when the show actually starts finding its feet.) But wow, so many of the core cast aren't in that episode at all! Jenna's not around (possibly for reasons explained in a skipped episode), and Caroline and Bonnie and Tyler aren't onscreen at all. (Caroline's mom is, though!)

...and okay, I kinda want [dreamwidth.org profile] wildpear to see some of the show so she can see Candice Accola work, because a) I wholeheartedly adore Caroline even though she doesn't remotely match the character type(s) I usually fall for, and b) Accola ("King" now, I guess?) is my fancast for Kelly Connolly in Newsflesh.

(While writing this post I got sidetracked by rewatching vidder dayln03's Caroline vid for the first time in ages, and I'm full of feelings now. I can't find the vid online to link to now, though. :/ The vidder's YouTube profile is easy to find, but that vid isn't there.)

Shortly before [dreamwidth.org profile] wildpear headed home, I wound up telling her some very random things about Game of Thrones, which she is never, ever going to watch. It came up because some of the things people were saying about the current season, at least after the season premiere and maybe second episode, have been making me vaguely want to check in with the show after bailing an episode into...season 5, I think. (Huh. Same as with TVD.) I don't miss Game of Thrones, really, but wow, some of the acting is amazing. (See: Lena Headey for Stacy Mason! I mean, speaking of Newsflesh fancasting.)

(I really ought to consolidate my "fancasting" and "dreamcast" tags here. >.<)

trans* equality and perfume converge

Jul. 27th, 2017 08:50 pm
chanter_greenie: Commander Seth Goddard of Space Cases fame (SC: Goddard - do the best they can)
[personal profile] chanter_greenie
For those who are able and so inclined, the lovely folks at Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab debuted two new scents yesterday, in response to the latest sludge bomb flung from the White House. Proceeds from both these scents benefit the National Center for Trans Equality and the American Civil Liberties Union. For the record, I've not been paid to signal boost this; I'm just a fan of both equality and lovely smells.

The first is here:
Irish Coffee Buttercream
and the second is here:
Spiced Rum Buttercream Coffee

I freely admit I've already put an order in for the second one.

Trans rights are human rights and, as I said on twitter last night, if I ever dispute that without about twelve helpings of snarky sarcasm in my voice (as in, I'm quoting someone else's rhetoric for the purposes of mocking them to oblivion), please lay me out. As in boom! to the moon, knock my sorry block off, because I'll deserve it. Not that I ever intend to deserve it. Not for that reason.

"Superman", Rachel Platten

Jul. 27th, 2017 04:19 pm
alexseanchai: Blue and purple lightning (Default)
[personal profile] alexseanchai
So put your armor on the ground tonight
'Cause everyone's got to come down sometime

You don't have to be Superman
You don't have to be Superman
You don't have to hold the world in your hands
You've already shown me that you can
Don't have to be Superman

Orbit US turns 10

Jul. 27th, 2017 03:56 pm
james_davis_nicoll: (Default)
[personal profile] james_davis_nicoll



Over the last decade, Orbit US, an imprint of Hachette Book Group, has quickly established itself as one of the premiere publishers of science fiction and fantasy, and a reliable source for everything from innovative works of science fiction to blockbuster epic fantasies. To celebrate the milestone, a selection of landmark Orbit titles is currently available on Nook for just $2.99 each, but we wanted to do more than point you toward some great titles, so we asked Orbit’s publisher, Tim Holman, to share a bit of history. Below his comments, you’ll find a timeline of key dates in Orbit’s history.

More here
[syndicated profile] captainawkward_feed

Posted by JenniferP

Dear Captain Awkward,

My wedding is in a month.  There is new parental drama that makes me wish we were eloping.  How do I still enjoy my wedding?

Fiancée and I are introverts and did not want a huge wedding.  My parents do not understand why we would not want 300 guests (despite numerous attempts to explain). We compromised and invited almost everyone they wanted.  We will have 100 guests (a lot!).

A few days ago, amidst a calm discussion about wedding logistics, my dad got unexpectedly angry and bitter and said (I quote) “You have made a lot of choices about this wedding that your mom and I would not have made and you just have to live with the fact that you can’t make everyone happy.”  He said it in a way that clearly indicated he was bitter and resentful and unhappy.  It was out of the blue and really upsetting, very much the “you are a child and I am not going to engage with or respect you” tone of voice.  I am about to be 30.

I tried to engage in calm, thoughtful conversation (through tears) about his concerns, but to no avail.  He does not communicate about feelings, apologize or have discussions about his behavior.  My mom did not get why I was upset (???), but when I talked to her later she did commiserate that he does not apologize for things.  I assume he is still upset about invitations, which pisses me off because we invited all of his family (except for some adult children, which caused other drama, long story).  I may never know.

My primary concern is how to still enjoy my wedding next month. My mom is confident he will behave and be gracious, and she is probably right, but this outburst was unexpected so I am worried (A++ at anxiety). I also know that any conversation with my dad about this will a) not go anywhere, and b) make it take longer for things to cool down, making day-of wedding drama more likely.  But I am both a strong communicator and a strong woman and it is hard to feel like letting it go is letting him win.  Wedding planning has been a large source of stress for me (we had a variety of other family/friend invitation drama despite our best attempts), and this is just the icing on the cake.  Right now I feel like I am going to burst into tears from one unkind word at the wedding.

 I talked about this with my therapist and we are working on practicing being okay with people I care about being upset at/angry with me. I care about my parents very much, but my dad has been the largest source of wedding-related stress, and telling him that will only make things worse.  I have a good Team Me in my fiancée and close friends, but it is hard to know what to do so that I can enjoy my wedding while also feeling angry.

Help?

Thank you,

Maybe I Should Have Eloped

Dear Maybe,

Your dad gave you an (unintentional) gift with his words. I’ll explain later, when we talk about feelings. For now, you’re 30 days out from your wedding, so, let’s make lists and check things off them.

A. Choose a date, reserve a venue, invite people. DONE! You have compromised all you can and invited all you can invite. This is the final guest list, for better or worse. From this day forward I give you absolute permission to concentrate on the people who will be attending and more specifically the people you are excited to see that day, and let everyone else fade cheerfully into the general fog of well-wishers.

If your parents are continually passing on news of the “Well, I talked to so-and-so, and they are still upset about not being invited” variety, it’s okay to say “We are not changing the guest list. It’s done. If so-and-so is really that upset, tell them to take it up directly with me… after the wedding.” There is an 90% chance that So-and-so doesn’t give a shit about your wedding and your parents are using their name to chew on the drama of it all again.

B. Make sure people have places to sit and pee and stuff to eat and drink.  DONE! You’re 30 days out, you have doubtless locked almost all of this stuff down. Your obligation to your guests is fulfilled. Your job from here on out is to show up and get married.

C. A ceremony of some sort with legal documents. I’m also assuming this is being handled. Great job!

You’ve done the hardest part! This event is situated on the space-time continuum and people are coming to it.

D. With the help of your fiancée, make a list of anything & everything logistical that it’s essential to discuss with either of your parents between now and the wedding. Is there something the parents are bringing? Is there transportation stuff/clothing stuff/hotel stuff that needs nailed down? Put it on the list! Is there something that isn’t really important and can be deleted from the list or solved without consulting them? Great! Cross it off the list.

E. Now, use the list and generate a cheerful, joint, “We can’t wait to see you! Here are all the last-minute details in one place!” email to your folks. From now until the wedding day, there is nothing to negotiate or deeply discuss, there is only implementation of decisions long past made: “Are you still good to pick up the cake? It will be ready at 10am that day. Let me know, thank you!” or “Don’t worry about that, it’s all handled! Just come and enjoy yourself.” 

F. One of the benefits of marriage that people tend to undersell: You now have a built-in buffer and teammate and stressful-relative-switch-hitter, for life! Your dad is stressing you out right now, so, maybe your fiancée can take point. “Hello, how are you? Nice to hear your voice! Letter Writer is driving/asleep/I just pried the phone out of their hands and made them take the rest of night off from wedding crap, but I’m here! What’s up?” You can do the same with her most stressful relative. If the person is calling to be pleasant, everything will be pleasant. If the person is calling to shower disappointment on you, they can be disappointed about how they didn’t get to do that.

G. Do you have a wedding party person or gregarious friend who can be Dad-buffer at the wedding? This is not an uncommon or unusual request! Even nice families where everyone likes each other stress each other out around big life events. The designated person makes pleasant party small talk with your dad – “Your child looks great! I’m so happy for both of them! What a great party this is! What is it that you do, sir? Wow, that sounds interesting, how did you get into that?” – and you get a little breathing room and permission to relax between now and then. Your dad will most likely pull it together and behave himself on that day, so this is just a security blanket, but if for some reason he doesn’t your buffer will handle it and you’ll never even know.

Parent logistics stuff, solved! We’re almost there! Let’s talk about enjoying yourself.

H. Make sure that on your wedding day you and your fiancée have some time that’s just by yourselves, for yourselves, with no one looking at you. The great Offbeat Bride team has some pieces about how to implement this:

1) “Introvert wedding survival tips and weddings for shy people”

2) “Avoid wedding day memory loss: How to slow down and actually remember your wedding.” If you’re only finding that site 30 days before the big day, I’m sorry! It helped me so much.

What I’d add to Offbeat Bride’s lists for introverts:

3) Give your eyes breaks. Our ceremony was probably 10 minutes long? Turns out that is much too long to look deeply into into someone’s eyes, even the eyes of your favorite person. Just know that going in.

4) Talk to your photographer. I don’t know if you have photography anxiety, but I do. Our photographer knew and he was great at gently and quickly getting the stuff he knew we’d want someday. He made it fun and low key and gave me breaks and I didn’t feel surveilled or pinned down by a lens the whole time. Your photographer wants to know the bare bones of awkward stuff like “Spouse’s parents are divorced, so, we’ll definitely take some with both parents but make sure we get some with Just Mom and Just Dad.” A pro will take all this in and make it go smoothly. Also, you do not have to pose for pictures with every single person who came to your wedding. Have mercy on yourselves and all these people, let them get to the buffet and the having fun part.

5) Let your officiant officiate. We…okay…I…wanted to go no-cameras (except for our pro) during the ceremony itself. If I’d told people that ahead of time I’d have heard a whole bunch of jibber-jabber about it but having the officiant spring it on people right before the ceremony meant nobody could grumble at us where we had to listen to it.

Okay. Now is the time in this list/pep talk where we address what your dad said:

“You have made a lot of choices about this wedding that your mom and I would not have made and you just have to live with the fact that you can’t make everyone happy.” 

He meant it as a “neg.” He meant “you’re gonna have to live with my/our disappointment.” He meant it to get you to apologize for something or give in on some point of negotiation (or to stop insisting on making yourself happy).

But the words say: “you just have to live with the fact that you can’t make everyone happy.And these are true words. These words are a gift. They can be a shield, or they can be ammunition. As in, the next time he’s a pill about something wedding-related you can remind yourself, that hey, you can’t make everyone happy, and some people might be disappointed no matter what you do, so stop trying to win their approval (INCLUDING YOU, DAD). He probably will never apologize or get it and things might stay a little strained for a while. But you have a secret weapon when things get tense, and that weapon is “Hey, Dad, thanks for the suggestion, I’ll think about it!” (You will think about it, and quietly not take the suggestion).

He’ll grumble, and you’ll say, “Dad, I know that’s not what you want to hear, but like someone very wise once said, I have to stop trying so hard to make everyone happy.” He’ll grumble more – he didn’t meant that you should stop trying to make HIM happy – but you can smile and keep saying “Thanks Dad! Those were really wise words, you helped me a lot. As long as fiancée and I are a team, we don’t have to make everyone happy,” and eventually he’ll STFU. Weaponized filial piety as judo, where you use your opponent’s strength and aggression against him.

It’s not the job of your wedding to make everyone happy or to express your exact social class markers and culture and perfect taste with just enough individual touches to feel really authentic and just enough tradition that it will still be recognizable to the olds as a wedding. It’s not your wedding’s job to spackle over the awkward patches in your family, to make up for lost time, to bring you all closer together, to make the unsayable sayable, to provide reconciliation and catharsis. It’s not your wedding’s job to be your happiest day of your life or to live up to some fantasy. It’s one day, hopefully a happy one, in a hopefully long and happy life.

 

OK STORY TIME in the style of bitchesgottaeat.

I hated wedding planning. I resented every second of it. I had no dream or fantasy wedding from childhood. I was also in pain all the time, and had weekly physical therapy for an injured knee and shoulder injury that made it hard to put on a bra by myself or reliably wipe my butt for months. My future mother-in-law was in and out of the hospital for a persistent MRSA-like infection. Would she even be able to come? I was working four little jobs that almost but not quite made a whole job pay-wise but made 1.5 jobs time-wise, now with extra commuting! Our wedding was exactly one month before Election Day, 2016. My dentist: “You’re grinding your teeth.” No shit?

I hated all the gender expectations around it, like, why are people asking me what our “theme” would be? Is it because I’m the lady? Why do I have to know this shit? (Me: “WTF is theme.” Commander Logic: “You don’t have to have a theme.” Me: “THANK YOU” Note: We did sort of end up with one? Lyrics here.)

I knew I was the one stressing MYSELF out, like, nobody was making me do this, if you’re planning a party about love you have good problems, we had survived some very hard things together especially in 2014 and really did want to celebrate with our friends and families, so why was I making it so much harder on myself than it had to be? Because my brain has a hateful shitlord lodged inside it that second-guesses literally everything is the answer to that question.

I had many conversations with my mom where she was disappointed in or unable to understand my choices (to not spend a zillion dollars that I don’t have, to not add starving myself to my already full to-do list). In one phone call she told me people in our family might not want to come if it wasn’t going to be “enough like a wedding.” She started apologizing to family in front of us when told them we’d set a date and a place – “Well, it’s going to be very rustic!” – and tried to talk us into her throwing a second fancy party where they live in case family didn’t want to make the trip here. (Note: My family is not actually fancy, this was all projection.) She was also hurt and disappointed that I was having a civil ceremony instead of faking and lying my way through a Catholic wedding and wondered aloud, on Mother’s Day, if she was a bad parent because somehow all of her kids had rejected God, or did we do it on purpose to hurt her feelings. (My suggestion that my younger brother who runs his own church called Warriors 4 Christ and sells Christian-themed camping and fishing gear loved God enough for all of us was not received well).

She did not body-police me…much…but she about bit through her tongue to not do it and would always mention conspicuously how she wanted to lose about x more pounds before she bought something to wear. Me: “Mmmhmm.” About a year beforehand I brought a $40 wedding dress on clearance (literally the first thing I saw online that met the criteria of “might fit” and “don’t hate”) that I ended up wearing on my actual wedding day (yay!) but I would have paid 10x that even if I didn’t wear it because it allowed to say, truthfully, “Aw, thanks for the offer to go wedding dress shopping, that’s so sweet, but I already have my dress!” for a calendar year.

My mom came out for a nice shower that my friends threw in the summer. It was so sweet of her to come. She helped me pick out my wedding ring. She gave me a generous gift. She also did the maddening thing she does where she walks very very fast until she’s far ahead of me and then stops and impatiently glares at me until I catch up. My knee had been healing but I re-aggravated it trying to keep up with her the whole weekend. Mr. Awkward put a stop to that when he came out with us on the last day. When she’d walk ahead, he’d stop walking and wait for her to do the glare thing. “Where are you going? Jennifer’s the only one who knows the way, so, you’re going to have to walk with us if you want to get there.” And he’d stand until she had to walk back to where we were and before we’d start off again. And you know, it turns out she can modulate her walking speed after a couple rounds of that? Who knew?

Like you, I had a lot of anxiety about would my mom freak my shit out and make me cry on the day itself. One hint of “Wait, is that what you’re wearing?” (and it wouldn’t have to be in words, it could be a look or a sniff or a sigh)  and we would have deeply tested the waterproofness of that expensive mascara. One thing that helped, I guess, is that I saw her at breakfast but I didn’t see her at all during the girly-getting-ready part of the day. I had invited her to stop by our hotel room but she never came. It infuriated my wedding party ladies that she didn’t but I think it was a gift that she didn’t, the gift of breathing room.

A week before the wedding Mr. Awkward asked when we were going to have people throw rice. I was like, throw what? And he was like, you know, when you leave, and people throw rice. And I was like, um, are we doing that? And he was like, well, in my family, we make little bags of rice, and then we throw it when the couple leaves the venue, and that thing where it supposedly hurts birds is not real, so, I’d like it to be rice and not glitter or bubbles or whatever. And I was like, okay, I understand that people do that, but again I ask you, what? And he was like RICE, WHEN THE PEOPLE THROW THE RICE. FOR THE LUCK. And I was like OKAY, WHAT FUCKING RICE? WHERE IS THIS RICE COMING FROM? I SEE NO RICE IN MY BUDGET, THE ONE I LOOK AT EVERY DAY. WHO WILL BE CREATING THESE CHARMING LITTLE BAGS? and he was like My mom and sisters can do it and I’m like okay, did you ask them, and he’s like well, it’s a little late for that now, and I’m like okay, so…

 

“no rice?”

 

…and he’s like DO YOU EVEN WANT TO GET MARRIED? BECAUSE YOU SHIT ON EVERY SINGLE TRADITION. IF NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS ENJOYABLE FOR YOU WHY ARE WE EVEN DOING THIS? and I was like WELL I DO WANT TO BE MARRIED TO YOU BUT THE REST OF THAT IS A VERY GOOD QUESTION and he was like OH MY GOD, CAN YOU JUST LIKE TRY TO HAVE FUN AND ENJOY THE STUPID LITTLE TRADITIONS BECAUSE THEY MAKE OTHER PEOPLE HAPPY AND IT’S PART OF WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU HAVE A WEDDING and I was like I AM HAVING A LOT OF ANXIETY RIGHT NOW, SO, NO, PROBABLY NOT? AND WHY IS THIS THE FIRST TIME I’M HEARING ABOUT YOUR DEEP NEED TO BE PELTED WITH GRAIN?

He stormed off and called his mom for their weekly chat.

I googled “Is rice a grain or a seed?” and “Can you die of decision fatigue”

When he came out of the bedroom after the phone call he apologized for yelling at me and for introducing changes to the wedding plan past the statute of wedding planning limitations and we both said a bunch of mushy stuff that I don’t remember and fell asleep in front of the TV.

And then a week later, we had a party where we got married at it. Everyone who came had a chair and enough to eat and drink. Our dirtbag friend taught all the 10-year-old girls to throw a real punch in case Trump won the election and they had to fight Nazis someday. My mom was pleasant and kind and after the ceremony she told me she loved what we’d done and went to go tell our officiant. She said that she could tell Mr. Awkward and I were two of a kind and she loved the way we always had each other’s backs and looked out for each other. My dad went to Extrovert Mustache Dad heaven, where it’s surprising that the collected guests did not carry him around on their shoulders singing “For he’s a jolly good fellow” by the end of it. When I see my friends now their first question is “How’s your dad? Tell him I said hi! Is he visiting soon? Can we visit him in Massachusetts?

It was, in the end, not “just party, ugh, what’s the big deal?” as I’d said to myself for the better part of a year. It was overwhelmingly beautiful and cool to have all these different people from our lives in one place at the same time. It was overwhelming and cool to have our friends and family help us and come through for us in all these small and big ways. It was a very big deal. It didn’t hit me how big until it was actually happening, and then it went by so fast.

And now it’s over, and Mr. Awkward and I are like “Thank you for helping me lock it down before I had to learn about Tinder” and “We never have to plan one of those again, HIGH FIVE (never leave me).”

In closing:

  • Wedding planning CAN SUCK SO BAD. Especially if it’s not in your wheelhouse and you don’t have “eh, let’s just throw money at this problem” money.
  • Eloping is still an option. You probably won’t do it because you’ve already spent so much money. But you can! As commenters suggested, maybe have a relaxed secret courthouse jam next week, or some other private ceremony?
  • Weird family stuff won’t get magically fixed but people can surprise you.
  • Small weddings are great, big weddings are great. I know the size of yours is freaking you out, but the benefit of having a lot of people around is that any one person doesn’t stand out that much. Also, wedding guests are extremely self-amusing.
  • If you hang in I basically promise you something lovely and enjoyable will happen on that day.

Come back in a month for your official IT’S OVER high-five.

 


umadoshi: (W13 - Helena focused (kleahs))
[personal profile] umadoshi
--I have an appointment with Dr. Awesome at 3, which I'm opening with because since yesterday I've been afraid of forgetting about it. (I usually try to schedule appointments for mid-morning, and usually on Mondays [Monday being the day I'm most sure of not having work in the morning when Casual Job is on], so "mid-afternoon on a Thursday" is deeply counterintuitive.) Along with the B12 shot, I need to talk to her about how badly I've been sleeping (I think the tryptophan isn't helping much anymore), medication stuff, and my specialist appointment last month. (I printed out my notes on that, most of which are seething.)


--One of these days I'm going to have to cave and either look into a new music player or start listening to music on my phone. I've been resistant to the latter for fear of draining the phone battery too quickly, but so many people use their smartphones for music that it must not be as big an issue as I fear; also, I formed that fear back when I had a different phone with much less battery life. (And now I have a...power bank? Portable charger? Whatever they're called...that I picked up last summer when I was briefly playing Pokemon Go. *still annoyed about the game's obnoxious decision to not work for anyone using a rooted/unlocked phone*)


--Another "one of these days" things...I really need to start trying to reconstruct my AMV collection at some point, but it's exhausting to think about. :/


--Last night I wrote about 1100 words, which is more than I'd managed since early June, during [dreamwidth.org profile] nanodownunder. I was up too late doing it, and I don't care. Words! (Words that I'll probably blush over when I get a draft and send it to [dreamwidth.org profile] wildpear...and how long has it been since that was a thought? I've generally gotten pretty blasé about smut. And then there's this.)


--[dreamwidth.org profile] rushthatspeaks has a post up about The War of the Worlds. It's well worth reading, of course, but I'm noting it because I'm laughing at myself for how I get caught on it every time I see H.G. Wells referred to by male pronouns.

HIT IT WITH THE ROCK

Jul. 27th, 2017 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by john (the hubby of Jen)

 

 

 

 

Thanks to Steven C., Elizabeth E., and Jennifer S. for remembering that it could always be worse.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

And from my other blog, Epbot:


(no subject)

Jul. 27th, 2017 07:17 am
sheafrotherdon: (Default)
[personal profile] sheafrotherdon
Friends, I'm thinking of starting up a collection on AO3 where we can all write first kisses of our favorite fandom pairings (or threesomes, or more) in much the same vein as [community profile] mcsmooch back in the day. (How I wish journal comms were still a thing, because that would be so much easier!)

I plan to do some hunting around later today to figure this all out, but if anyone knows of a cheat sheet for how to essentially run a comm through AO3 I would be glad to see it!

More news as I get this going . . .

Head Down

Jul. 27th, 2017 03:45 am
viridian5: (Schu (bow))
[personal profile] viridian5
I've been getting a lot more headaches in the last few weeks, but I'm putting in a little work on "Glass Houses" and the newest fic in the And Yet, Hayama Hayato Can Still Surprise series when I can.

Mobile game/app recs (part one)

Jul. 26th, 2017 10:06 pm
ysobel: (easily distracted)
[personal profile] ysobel
Games

Okay so a few months back, I was going to post about the games (mostly iOS) that I was obsessed with, only then I decided I had to do the Best And Most Thorough Recs Ever. Which sort of made it such a stupendously monumental task that I never did it.

I still may do a more in-depth thing later, but these are my current or recent iOS games. (Some may be available on other platforms, I don't know.)

The Game Formerly Known As Abyssrium

I'm sure they had good reasons for changing the name from Abyssrium (which evoked the premise of a deep-ocean virtual aquarium) to "Tap Tap Fish" (ugh) but the change very nearly kicked it off the list. But ... eh.

Read more... )

#

Zen Koi

Here, fishy fishy fishy. Pretty fishy.

Read more... )

#

Merge Dragons!

This game has taken over my life, I think. I even get the Tetris effect of closing my eyes and seeing MD stuff.

Read more... )

I have more, but this is enough for one post /) I'm not sure whether the remainder will be one post or two.

Feel free to ask me any questions about any of these apps.
james_davis_nicoll: (Default)
[personal profile] james_davis_nicoll
Firstly, it takes very little discussion of regulations for my eyes to glaze over. Secondly, and far less constructively, if someone proposes a system that relies on genres like science fiction and fantasy being distinct rather than overlapping sets, I will start thinking about the worthy works that live in the overlap.

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