anagramofbrat: (team tatro (2015))
We've been averaging a snowstorm a week since January up here in Ye Olde Newe Aengeland*, to the point where I think all the kids in the state of Massachusetts may have had school on one Monday since the semester began. D: Boston and the surrounding areas have been getting it really bad - I think they've had maybe a collective five feet of snow in the past few weeks and things out there are a complete disaster any kind of transportation-wise. New York MTA had to lend the Boston MBTA two giant rail snowblowers for track clearing, even. (Fun Fact: those machines are honestly called Snowzillas. Seriously, google it.) This has made kid weekends super challenging, and with the current snowstorm finally petering out this morning, Tuesday finds me with a day taken off from work and the kids still here because the roads have been utter shit for the past 48 hours. Thankfully school has been cancelled for the past couple of days, so that isn't a factor, but apparently Kidzilla's class now has Snow Day homework they have to do in case of school cancellation so she's been meeting the news of yet another snow day with alarmingly grown-up groans. On one hand, yeah, there's been a bit of scrambling with the change in schedule, but on the other hand having them here a couple of extra days has on many levels been really fun.

I've decided that Wee Beastie is, in fact, a Neverland fairy. I say that mostly because I often joke that he's too small to hold more than one emotion at a time, so as a result all of his emotions are all-encompassing forces of nature. When he's happy, he's a ball of zoomy radioactive joy. When he's sad, he is inconsolable and Everything Is Terrible. When he's angry it's like a storm descends in the room, he's all violently flailing appendages and screaming. It is certainly a Thing To Behold/worry about.

After he pitched a mega fit last night about having to go to bed which ended with him punching [livejournal.com profile] cell23 square in the nose (not kidding about the violent flailing), I sat with him for a little bit after his time-out to calm him down and we had a long, surprisingly interesting chat about how he experiences big overwhelming emotions. He concluded independently that angry was his biggest feeling, and when he gets angry it's "too big for me" and that's why he has trouble controlling himself. I told him the quote from Peter Pan about how fairies are too small to be more than one thing at a time, and he got this solemn little expression on his face (hilarious, btw) and was all "Yeah. That sounds correct."

He is, indeed, a funny little bug.

Anyway, we agreed that we need to work on making more space for big emotions. I've been wanting to get him involved in some kind of directed physical activity/martial art so he can vent off some of the pent up physical energy for a while but owing to budget constraints on both sides of the state and the additional difficulty of only having every other weekend to work with on ours it hasn't really been practical. Still, this morning I'm taking another stab at looking at some options for him. The local Tae Kwon Do school seems pretty promising aside from the scheduling hurdle; I may stop by later in the week to take a closer look at it and see if the every/other schedule can be worked with/around. That is if it ever stops snowing long enough for anything to dig out and reopen around here. If anything, their summer camp seems tailor made for him with a week of martial arts, playing with horses and learning to swim, so that is something to sock away money for at the very least.

In other news, along with getting bitten with what seems like every creative idea ever (and thus being paralyzed with indecision about which to work on at any given time, since the Super Bowl I've been having intense needs to Color Things. This led to a rediscovery that I absolutely adore geometric patterns and mandalas, a ridiculous number of which are available free on the internet, so as of Sunday I've decided to try to color one per day, be it with actual markers/pencils/crayons or digitally. I've only done two so far and I'm not sure how the one-per-day bit is going to work out long term as I tend to gravitate towards the ones with intensely complex patterns, but I do indeed find the process very brain-unclenching.





Well, we'll see. I do need some sort of anxiety reduction type thing to do on the regular for a while, but previous attempts at meditation have already shown that I suck at it - in fact sitting still with nothing tangible to focus on tends to make my anxiety worse. (This is why I tend to not work well without music or some kind of background noise - silence freaks me the fuck out.) This is also sort of why I miss having a commute - driving tends to calm my brain down right quick as well. Maybe when the roads clear, considering the free fall gas prices have been in for the past little bit I'll do more of that too.


* I made that spelling up. don't have a historical accuracy cow at me please.
anagramofbrat: (anxious tenna)
So I mostly "wrote" this post with the Dragon Dictate app on my phone. I downloaded it at the recommendation of Ruthy, who apparently uses it for everything. Since she swears by it, I figured I'd give it a go. It'll be interesting because I speak very differently from how I write... I sense there will be a lot of editing in post. (ETA: Oh dear gods yes wow my spoken rambling makes NO sense written down, lol.)

So, what's been going on... Ferguson. *sigh* It's been really upsetting me, for reasons that should be pretty damned obvious. I don't really want to write too much about it, honestly, both because upsetting, and also because people out there and on the ground have already written, tweeted and livestreamed quite a bit about it in the past couple of weeks as everything unfolded. But yeah, it's... it's been bringing me down, so much that I can only take twitter in small doses now. It's also deeply affected Drew - the other night we had a talk about how he came to the realization I'd been kinda carrying since Trayvon Martin was killed - that if by some miracle (or if we accepted Nuke's still standing offer on paying for a vasectomy reversal) we had a kid, that one day it could be them dead in the street for little to no reason at all. Needless to say, it threw him for a loop, and he got further thrown realizing that I've lived with this constant threat all my life. It's funny, almost anyone else I'd be all *raised eyebrow* yeah, welcome to my life, have a T-shirt, it sucks. Not so much this time - I guess what I'm feeling regarding that discussion is less the usual racial schadenfreude and more of a "ohh, he actually really gets it." I mean, yes it sucks major balls carrying the knowledge of just how much the world sucks around. They're not kidding about ignorance being bliss. (And judging by some of the shit I've seen online, there are a lot of very blissful people out there.) At the same time, it's on some level a relief knowing he does think about it and understands some of it. Not going to lie, it's a nice change from several years ago and him being irritated by the very idea of privilege and how it applies to him.

In other life and adulthood suck news, lol... actually I have some reasonably good news on that front. Reasonably because money still sucks and is going to temporarily suck a bit more than usual, but the suckage will be in service to money ultimately NOT sucking in the reasonably near future. I know, that was clear as mud, and how about I say reasonably a few more times? I guess lets just say I'd been avoiding handling a particular chunk of financial stupid and it had been feeling like an anvil about to drop on my head, but I finally gathered my gonads and dealt with it this week. Again, the dealing with it is still gonna make life annoying for a little while, but at this point I will willingly take being slightly annoyed and inconvenienced over the weight I'd been dragging for the better part of two years. So go me? I guess? Ugh. After rolling around in the relief of finally getting that handled I fell into a sulk about the various little ways my life has been slowly spinning out of my control lately. In slightly less melodramatic turns, even before this week I've noticed there's been a gradual uptick in anxiety/avoidance/self-sabotaging behavior on my part this year. Well, really since about when Dad passed, but its lately gotten to the point where if it hasn't already, its gonna start marching up my pants leg to bite the inside of my ass. So I need to get a firm handle on the plates I already have spinning, safely remove a few, and then seriously sit down and start looking for therapists again. Because fuck this shit.

There has been Massive Monkeyspace Drama on Facebook this week too, which got to such a patently ridiculous level that it looped into hilarious. I'm sure modern incarnations of the purity tests we used to forward around in college have a question concerning "have you ever lost a friend in an online fight?" and I'm also sure I'm down that point as of Monday night, but honestly considering how things fell out I'm okay with that. While the actual drama itself was eyeroll-worthy at best the aftermath seems to be causing some old previous relationship scars to flare up again which just adds some delicious flavor to the mild suck soup that is my head right now. But, eh, it will pass and I will deal with it. I don't really want to get into it much further than that.

It's not been all suck either, but a lot of the not sucky things I can't put into a public post and I also have to go put the laundry in the dryer and return to the massive pile of work that still needs to get done tonight, boo. So I will just leave you with the high point of last weekend, which was cosplaying Carmen Sandiego for Bon Appetit Burlesque's "Around the World in 80 Twirls" show:



I can't remember the last time a costume made me so fucking happy. I've been a Carmen Sandiego fangirl since the game show used to air on PBS and I'd watch it with Roy Jr when he was wee tiny. Hell, I can still sing most of the theme song from memory, but that might have more to do with me also being a Rockapella fangirl. If the wig and the hat weren't so bloody hot I'd just be Carmen Sandiego all the damn time, though I am woefully incapable of pulling off national landmark level heists. I got a lot of compliments on the outfit. Desrvedly I think... I apparently can rock a red trench coat. :)

But back to life, back to reality. *sigh* *hatred*
anagramofbrat: (love <3)
This has been a high anxiety week for some reason and it sucks. :( It may have something to do with the amount of coffee I've been drinking lately, honestly, but the problem there is that i'm at the point of caffiene dependancy where if I don't feed the beast, the headache is murderous. Unsure at this point which is worse.

The other problem is pre-job jitters, I think. I've never had to wait this long between "here have a job" and "here's your first day." Plenty of time to get supertwitchynervous about it.

Underlying the anxious is a measure of frustration. I took a break from the Tetris Dance piece in terms of beading and poked at a side project in the meantime. I was sort of inspired by the super classy thanksgiving we had and I thought I'd try out a design for napkin rings, figuring each ring would be smaller and quicker than the bigger project. Except between super twitchy week and not really feeling the piece once I started it, it turned out to be something of a disaster. I miscaculated the size when I designed the pattern first off, so the ring was too big. And after that it was all downhill - made a major mistake in the pattern in the third row, decided to push through it... and then came to a point in the beadwork where somehow I'd added an extra bead without noticing, thus completely throwing shit off. Plus I wasn't really liking where it was going. So I called it quits about 1/3rd of the way through and went back to the other project. Perhaps at some point I'll revisit the napkin ring idea with a smaller pattern, and maybe not work on it while exciting shit is going down on Sons of Anarchy.

Oh yeah, caught up on that finally. Yeeeeeeeeegh. That show is going to a very grim place.

Anyway here's the failed ring. I know it doesn't look like anything's wrong with it, but... yeah. Trust me, I done fucked it up. You can probably spot where in the second pic if you look hard enough.



Pattern for it (and three others), BTW is here.

Problem with taking the break from the big project? Lost my momentum. I've only done 2/3rds of row 26 yesterday, and didn't touch the needle today owing to being distracted by the suddenly very important task of organizing/consolidating various picture collection. (Also laundry.) This snowballed into the monstrous chore of assembling, scanning and organizing what I have thus far in terms of wedding pictures. There are a crapton of those (last count 158), and I haven't even gotten the ones from our official photographer yet. Still, I rather love what we've gotten so far, and have put out a call for more of them from people that brought their cameras. I like having the multiple perspectives on the same event. Plus I'm on a quest - I'm hoping beyond all hope that someone caught [livejournal.com profile] cell23's expression as I came down the aisle. I swear, his mouth dropped open, it was amazeballs. But so far, no one's gotten it yet.

Anyway. THE STORY THUS FAR (pretty sure the slideshow updates as more gets added):

anagramofbrat: (Maleficent)
Because it's on my mind now, I'm gonna forget tomorrow, and I don't feel like waiting forty five minutes.

Every three years or so someone reminds me that March 1 is Self-Injury Awareness Day. This is one of the few random "oh look another cause ribbon" days I don't automatically snark at due to personal pertinence: I've got a long history of cutting starting when I was around Kidzilla's age. (If you're feeling nosy and want to extra extra read all about it, I did post about it at some length back in 2004). Sitting here with that thought, two things dawned on me - 1) I haven't cut in a little over five years, and seriously doubt I ever will again. 2) The scars from the last two really bad instances? They're still there, but they're so faded now that you really have to be looking for them in order to find them.

Despite being some measure of proud of this, I can't help wondering if I've in fact found some more insidious way to sublimate my more extreme emotions and five years without putting sharp things into my skin isn't as much of an accomplishment as I'd like to think it is. I honestly couldn't tell you, one way or another. Still, I guess go me for no longer venting my emo by way of kitchen implements.

Rough day

Jan. 10th, 2011 06:38 pm
anagramofbrat: (anxious tenna)
Good news:
Had a good, productive workday. Rediscovered for the umpteenth time that music really is the key to keeping my brain on task and functioning, pulling me out of depressive funks, and getting things done. So I am putting a call out to anyone who feels like giving me a hand in the mental health department; if it seems like I'm feeling a little off, unable to function/concentrate, or having some serious emo b'awws, tell me to go put on iTunes. If you feel like totally being a bitch about it, check my last.fm profile (username kjpepper) and make sure I've done so.

Bad news:
Found out that Dad's in the hospital for severe anemia. Waiting on word regarding what's going on with that and trying to figure out if I need to dash down to New York this week as a result.

Good news:
I made chicken and potatoes. I seem to have this things where a whole potato seems a lot smaller than it actually is so I end up making too much.

Bad news:
I got distracted and left them in the oven a little long. THey're not burned or bad, just crispier than I intended.

Good news:
Despite upheaval and general mental wooblies and worrying about Dad, I did have a good, productive day

Bad news:
I am still behind on everything, overwhelmed by my ever present to-do lists, and generally feeling like a complete and utter failure at life right now.

Good news:
...but it's supposed to snow tomorrow. And there's Ladies Night tonight. And I have books. And someone who loves me. So I guess it ain't all bad, right?

...right?

Rough day

Jan. 10th, 2011 06:38 pm
anagramofbrat: (anxious tenna)
Good news:
Had a good, productive workday. Rediscovered for the umpteenth time that music really is the key to keeping my brain on task and functioning, pulling me out of depressive funks, and getting things done. So I am putting a call out to anyone who feels like giving me a hand in the mental health department; if it seems like I'm feeling a little off, unable to function/concentrate, or having some serious emo b'awws, tell me to go put on iTunes. If you feel like totally being a bitch about it, check my last.fm profile (username kjpepper) and make sure I've done so.

Bad news:
Found out that Dad's in the hospital for severe anemia. Waiting on word regarding what's going on with that and trying to figure out if I need to dash down to New York this week as a result.

Good news:
I made chicken and potatoes. I seem to have this things where a whole potato seems a lot smaller than it actually is so I end up making too much.

Bad news:
I got distracted and left them in the oven a little long. THey're not burned or bad, just crispier than I intended.

Good news:
Despite upheaval and general mental wooblies and worrying about Dad, I did have a good, productive day

Bad news:
I am still behind on everything, overwhelmed by my ever present to-do lists, and generally feeling like a complete and utter failure at life right now.

Good news:
...but it's supposed to snow tomorrow. And there's Ladies Night tonight. And I have books. And someone who loves me. So I guess it ain't all bad, right?

...right?
anagramofbrat: (no more caffeine for you)
Good:
KIDDOS! Who are adorable in their new fuzzy Christmas pajamas. Well, really, they'd be adorable in miniature rain barrels, lets be frank here, but the PJs are pretty awesome. We showed up at Anna's to pick them up last night, and I swear, Kidzilla POUNCED me and went on a half an hour tear about dragons. O_o lol. I'm glad I've finally managed to isolate something she's obsessed with on the level that Lovebug is with Thomas but holy crap. I suppose it could be worse, it could be pink fluffy Barbie unicorns. I have to admit, after reading Rampant I've given unicorns some severe side-eye. Anyway a good chunk of this morning was spent organizing her scroll and helping her catch a few more. And being very amused about it.

I had planned to go in to the office yesterday, but didn't make it in. Aside from having a hectic and yet productive day I got pinged by [livejournal.com profile] drklrd1922 and we went up to the Dove's Nest for breakfast. Here followed a chat about kids and mental illness that's got me thinking - I also have a number/recommendation for a psychiatrist close by when I'm ready for that.

Among other things that were done yesterday, I managed to stop by the Jones and return some stuff (I've been doing pretty well on keeping up with my overdue fines at least) and pick up other stuff. I've still got two doorstops to read, but I'm frankly ignoring them to read Sarah MacLean's latest. Can I just say it's still a profoundly weird experience reading books written by someone you know? Especially the dedications because you actually know to whom they are referring! It's cool, but weird, you never get that sense of the book author being some amazing omniscient voice far away somewhere.

Bad:
Stressed about money, per usual. Also sick in the intestinemeat + period = super anemic and not fun. Also kinda feeling eaten by my to-do lists again.

Ugly:
This has been the week of vivid, nasty nightmares, dredging up all kinds of fun stuff. Ex drama and mental health mostly but there have been some monsters up in there that I haven't seen in a while and having to contend with them after a few years was unsettling. And while I'd don't precisely remember last night's round of completely unrestful sleep, it must have been a doozy, because I woke up exhausted to the point of down a die for the day. Huzzah.


Oh well. Today's been decent thus far, and there's another trip to the library planned for later and the rest of today is shaping up reasonably quiet as well, so I'm not too worried about the tired.
anagramofbrat: (no more caffeine for you)
Good:
KIDDOS! Who are adorable in their new fuzzy Christmas pajamas. Well, really, they'd be adorable in miniature rain barrels, lets be frank here, but the PJs are pretty awesome. We showed up at Anna's to pick them up last night, and I swear, Kidzilla POUNCED me and went on a half an hour tear about dragons. O_o lol. I'm glad I've finally managed to isolate something she's obsessed with on the level that Lovebug is with Thomas but holy crap. I suppose it could be worse, it could be pink fluffy Barbie unicorns. I have to admit, after reading Rampant I've given unicorns some severe side-eye. Anyway a good chunk of this morning was spent organizing her scroll and helping her catch a few more. And being very amused about it.

I had planned to go in to the office yesterday, but didn't make it in. Aside from having a hectic and yet productive day I got pinged by [livejournal.com profile] drklrd1922 and we went up to the Dove's Nest for breakfast. Here followed a chat about kids and mental illness that's got me thinking - I also have a number/recommendation for a psychiatrist close by when I'm ready for that.

Among other things that were done yesterday, I managed to stop by the Jones and return some stuff (I've been doing pretty well on keeping up with my overdue fines at least) and pick up other stuff. I've still got two doorstops to read, but I'm frankly ignoring them to read Sarah MacLean's latest. Can I just say it's still a profoundly weird experience reading books written by someone you know? Especially the dedications because you actually know to whom they are referring! It's cool, but weird, you never get that sense of the book author being some amazing omniscient voice far away somewhere.

Bad:
Stressed about money, per usual. Also sick in the intestinemeat + period = super anemic and not fun. Also kinda feeling eaten by my to-do lists again.

Ugly:
This has been the week of vivid, nasty nightmares, dredging up all kinds of fun stuff. Ex drama and mental health mostly but there have been some monsters up in there that I haven't seen in a while and having to contend with them after a few years was unsettling. And while I'd don't precisely remember last night's round of completely unrestful sleep, it must have been a doozy, because I woke up exhausted to the point of down a die for the day. Huzzah.


Oh well. Today's been decent thus far, and there's another trip to the library planned for later and the rest of today is shaping up reasonably quiet as well, so I'm not too worried about the tired.

Blerg

Jan. 5th, 2011 01:45 pm
anagramofbrat: (this too shall pass)
Been reasonably quiet lately for two reasons - 1) work snowballed this week as it does at the end/beginning of every year, so a fair amount of time is me doing work and freaking out about said work. 2) I've honestly felt like hairy sweaty goat balls since Christmas with what seems like alternating 2 days of being reasonably okay and 2 days of pretty much camping out no less than 15 feet from a bathroom. Crohns is superfuntimes, y'all. Going with that is me being sluggish and tired and cranky and sore, so I'm kinda out of it most of the time. C'est ma vie, maintenant.

Anyway, long story short, I'm not up to my usual bubbly "everything is interesting and cool and I must share it now with everyone" mode. My head feels like concrete and all i really want to do is dive under the covers and nap until I feel better. Or at least until food stops regarding my GI tract as the premium slip n slide at the water park with the three hour line and camps out in there long enough to do me some actual good.

Plus I don't know. I think after years of overexposure I'm finally bored/burned out/disgusted with the internet/social networking and just want to turn my computer off and hide right now. Alas, I'm kinda forcing myself to stay in front of EPEEN long enough to get work crap done so I actually have money for a change. What seems to be helping this is finding a motherlode of MST3K episodes on Netflix, so I've had those on in the background a lot while I attempt to do productive things during the day. We all have our ways of keeping sane, eh?

So, yeah... I'm still here. I just don't really have anything exciting/significant/notable/real to say other than Life Continues Apace. I guess when I do, I'll be back.

Just as an aside note and a heads up, I'm toying with the idea of taking my LJ friends only soon. Clutch the pearls, I think I'm developing a sense of discretion in my old age...

Blerg

Jan. 5th, 2011 01:45 pm
anagramofbrat: (this too shall pass)
Been reasonably quiet lately for two reasons - 1) work snowballed this week as it does at the end/beginning of every year, so a fair amount of time is me doing work and freaking out about said work. 2) I've honestly felt like hairy sweaty goat balls since Christmas with what seems like alternating 2 days of being reasonably okay and 2 days of pretty much camping out no less than 15 feet from a bathroom. Crohns is superfuntimes, y'all. Going with that is me being sluggish and tired and cranky and sore, so I'm kinda out of it most of the time. C'est ma vie, maintenant.

Anyway, long story short, I'm not up to my usual bubbly "everything is interesting and cool and I must share it now with everyone" mode. My head feels like concrete and all i really want to do is dive under the covers and nap until I feel better. Or at least until food stops regarding my GI tract as the premium slip n slide at the water park with the three hour line and camps out in there long enough to do me some actual good.

Plus I don't know. I think after years of overexposure I'm finally bored/burned out/disgusted with the internet/social networking and just want to turn my computer off and hide right now. Alas, I'm kinda forcing myself to stay in front of EPEEN long enough to get work crap done so I actually have money for a change. What seems to be helping this is finding a motherlode of MST3K episodes on Netflix, so I've had those on in the background a lot while I attempt to do productive things during the day. We all have our ways of keeping sane, eh?

So, yeah... I'm still here. I just don't really have anything exciting/significant/notable/real to say other than Life Continues Apace. I guess when I do, I'll be back.

Just as an aside note and a heads up, I'm toying with the idea of taking my LJ friends only soon. Clutch the pearls, I think I'm developing a sense of discretion in my old age...
anagramofbrat: (sail away with me)
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.


Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.

Interestingly enough, these are both from comics.



  1. This is a panel from Jhonen Vasquez' I Feel Sick, also known as Fisher Price® My First Comic Book™. (Well, the first one I ever actually liked.) Way back in '99 my then boss and friend Jim handed me the first issue of this (it was a 2 parter) saying "oh hey, this isn't really my style, but I think you'll really like it." Years later, it's still one of my favorite things ever.

    What's happening at this point is Devi (in the purple hair) has been nagged, cajoled and generally pain-in-the-assed outside by her best friend Tenna after a long period of shutting down and hiding in her apartment consumed with work (and not being able to complete it), fear/disappointment after a string of guys have all tried to kill her in some bizarre way on the first date, and what turns out to be a parasitic force living in/feeding off her head, preventing her from creating/working.

    Yeah, that sound ENTIRELY too familiar right now.

    It's funny, when I first picked up the comics a decade ago, I identified more with Tenna than with Devi. Now it just seems like I get Devi's position a lot more these days. So the task of finding and beating up the psychotic doll using my brainmeats to become real becomes obvious, eh?

    As a side note, I almost didn't find this image. Way back when I built a fan site for I Feel Sick, and when I was thinking up answers to this question I tore up EPEEN trying to find a backup of said site, seeing as it's been offline for years. I finally found it wedged in a folder on a folder in a folder in the wrong folder in a folder, and browsing all the panel scans made me go downstairs, yank the now falling-apart issues off the shelf and reread them. Hasn't lost any of its punch years later. Just my perspective's changed. Also made me nostalgic for the site itself. Jesus, all that work trying to accomplish an effect with tables and slices that HTML 4 and CSS could accomplish now like nothing.




  2. Poking around on DA, I found this fan sketch of Fucshia and Criminy from Sinfest. Their weird but sweetly adorable "girl from the wrong side of the tracks plane of reality falls in love with boy stuck in self erected fortress of solitude" story arc has been a slowly developing subplot in the comic for a while now.

    The surface connotation/analogy and why it is OMG RELEVANT TO MAI LYFE should be pretty damned obvious, and if it isn't you haven't been paying attention to my icons much. ;) I do have to admit I'm charmed by the less obvious parallels between their relationship and mine with [livejournal.com profile] cell23, not least of which being both the near simultaneous timeline and the courtship via books (though the one I gave him ages ago didn't then try to devour him and everything/one else). Needless to say, I'm shipping them super hard and hope they ultimately work out.



Speaking of which (and obvious connotations) the coincidental timing of this isn't lost on me. On 12/15/08, on a whim and a spirit of "fuck it all, I'm doing this" I blew off the second half of my workday to go first out to lunch, then on an ill-advised adventure with a certain young man. Quite a bit happened that afternoon, but one of the bits that stands out in my head was stopping in the side doorway of Thornes after getting ice cream and kissing [livejournal.com profile] cell23 for the first time after wanting to for longer than I'm willing to admit. Even though I wouldn't own up to it until later, that was pretty much the moment I lost my heart. Two years later and the pain in the ass still hasn't given it back. Which is okay, I've got his. Nyeh.

Life is so goddamn WEIRD sometimes. The day I met him back in 2004, he and [livejournal.com profile] chirping_monkey were a) together b) parents of a fresh baked baby girl that liked having her toes played with (and still does) c) giving me the side-eye for being Janra's stunt cunt. If someone had told me where I'd end up six years later... yeah, about that. It took a lot of hellfire, heartbreak and disaster for both of us to end up here, and I still occasionally catch myself looking at him and thinking "Wait, what? How did that happen?" Not that how matters all that much anymore.

Anyway. Two years later and we haven't killed each other yet. Here's to getting to 3, 5, 10 and forever. <3


Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! - Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! (The four at the end are Kidzilla's. Yep, she's started her own scroll. XD )
anagramofbrat: (sail away with me)
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.


Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.

Interestingly enough, these are both from comics.



  1. This is a panel from Jhonen Vasquez' I Feel Sick, also known as Fisher Price® My First Comic Book™. (Well, the first one I ever actually liked.) Way back in '99 my then boss and friend Jim handed me the first issue of this (it was a 2 parter) saying "oh hey, this isn't really my style, but I think you'll really like it." Years later, it's still one of my favorite things ever.

    What's happening at this point is Devi (in the purple hair) has been nagged, cajoled and generally pain-in-the-assed outside by her best friend Tenna after a long period of shutting down and hiding in her apartment consumed with work (and not being able to complete it), fear/disappointment after a string of guys have all tried to kill her in some bizarre way on the first date, and what turns out to be a parasitic force living in/feeding off her head, preventing her from creating/working.

    Yeah, that sound ENTIRELY too familiar right now.

    It's funny, when I first picked up the comics a decade ago, I identified more with Tenna than with Devi. Now it just seems like I get Devi's position a lot more these days. So the task of finding and beating up the psychotic doll using my brainmeats to become real becomes obvious, eh?

    As a side note, I almost didn't find this image. Way back when I built a fan site for I Feel Sick, and when I was thinking up answers to this question I tore up EPEEN trying to find a backup of said site, seeing as it's been offline for years. I finally found it wedged in a folder on a folder in a folder in the wrong folder in a folder, and browsing all the panel scans made me go downstairs, yank the now falling-apart issues off the shelf and reread them. Hasn't lost any of its punch years later. Just my perspective's changed. Also made me nostalgic for the site itself. Jesus, all that work trying to accomplish an effect with tables and slices that HTML 4 and CSS could accomplish now like nothing.




  2. Poking around on DA, I found this fan sketch of Fucshia and Criminy from Sinfest. Their weird but sweetly adorable "girl from the wrong side of the tracks plane of reality falls in love with boy stuck in self erected fortress of solitude" story arc has been a slowly developing subplot in the comic for a while now.

    The surface connotation/analogy and why it is OMG RELEVANT TO MAI LYFE should be pretty damned obvious, and if it isn't you haven't been paying attention to my icons much. ;) I do have to admit I'm charmed by the less obvious parallels between their relationship and mine with [livejournal.com profile] cell23, not least of which being both the near simultaneous timeline and the courtship via books (though the one I gave him ages ago didn't then try to devour him and everything/one else). Needless to say, I'm shipping them super hard and hope they ultimately work out.



Speaking of which (and obvious connotations) the coincidental timing of this isn't lost on me. On 12/15/08, on a whim and a spirit of "fuck it all, I'm doing this" I blew off the second half of my workday to go first out to lunch, then on an ill-advised adventure with a certain young man. Quite a bit happened that afternoon, but one of the bits that stands out in my head was stopping in the side doorway of Thornes after getting ice cream and kissing [livejournal.com profile] cell23 for the first time after wanting to for longer than I'm willing to admit. Even though I wouldn't own up to it until later, that was pretty much the moment I lost my heart. Two years later and the pain in the ass still hasn't given it back. Which is okay, I've got his. Nyeh.

Life is so goddamn WEIRD sometimes. The day I met him back in 2004, he and [livejournal.com profile] chirping_monkey were a) together b) parents of a fresh baked baby girl that liked having her toes played with (and still does) c) giving me the side-eye for being Janra's stunt cunt. If someone had told me where I'd end up six years later... yeah, about that. It took a lot of hellfire, heartbreak and disaster for both of us to end up here, and I still occasionally catch myself looking at him and thinking "Wait, what? How did that happen?" Not that how matters all that much anymore.

Anyway. Two years later and we haven't killed each other yet. Here's to getting to 3, 5, 10 and forever. <3


Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! - Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! (The four at the end are Kidzilla's. Yep, she's started her own scroll. XD )
anagramofbrat: (whip my hair)
well before I get into complaining in earnest, HAPPY BIRTHDAY [livejournal.com profile] rhipowered ZOMG.

In squeeful news I'm pleased to report that once again my hair is properly fortified with sweater guts. Nothing crazy this time - I just went with flat black, which looks... interesting. First of all it does rather underscore that my natural hair color is nowhere near black itself, so it looks kinda weird/cool. Also I look like a huge ass goth because I cut it super long and the ends trail to my lower back. The effect is very Morticia, if she were plump and black anyway. This, I might add, is in no way a complaint, but I do feel like I need to be in the corner listening to Covenant and writing bad poetry about graveyards and how I could outangst Morrissey. While standing in said graveyard. With a bucket of eyeliner. In the rain. And whipping my now awesome hair back and forth. I really am kind of appalled by how that song's grown on me, fungus-like. I think it's because black girl headbanging is a completely different beast from all other headbanging and I kinda like the fact that there's a song about it, annoyingly overproduced as it is.

In complainy news, I got absolutely no sleep last night. There were two interlocking reasons for this involving a head to toe bout of SUPREME ITCHY and an anxiety attack. Far as I can tell I'm either having an allergic reaction to something or an eczema flareup. Thinking maybe the latter, though if that's so that's annoying - I haven't had one of those in four years or so. Worrying about that, scratching, and worrying about the usual shit (which is somehow ever so much worse when you're tired and staring at the ceiling for hours) made for an uncomfortable, completely sleepless night, which I'm supremely peeved about considering I actually finished my hair at a reasonable hour. (We'll ignore the fact that reasonable = around 1:30 am). UGH. I finally crawled back into bed around 6, completely forgetting I'd offered to shuttle [livejournal.com profile] cell23 back from dropping River off for her oil change this morning, so I got back up to do that after half an hourish. Two point five cups of coffee and still ragingly itchy later, I think sleep's a lost cause. Ah well. Hanzo needed the walkies anyway.*sigh* Gods I miss my car. Was good to take him out for a bit, even just for like 10 minutes.

Wellp, I'm awake, might as well fire up last night's Sons of Anarchy and get something productive done.

Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today!
anagramofbrat: (whip my hair)
well before I get into complaining in earnest, HAPPY BIRTHDAY [livejournal.com profile] rhipowered ZOMG.

In squeeful news I'm pleased to report that once again my hair is properly fortified with sweater guts. Nothing crazy this time - I just went with flat black, which looks... interesting. First of all it does rather underscore that my natural hair color is nowhere near black itself, so it looks kinda weird/cool. Also I look like a huge ass goth because I cut it super long and the ends trail to my lower back. The effect is very Morticia, if she were plump and black anyway. This, I might add, is in no way a complaint, but I do feel like I need to be in the corner listening to Covenant and writing bad poetry about graveyards and how I could outangst Morrissey. While standing in said graveyard. With a bucket of eyeliner. In the rain. And whipping my now awesome hair back and forth. I really am kind of appalled by how that song's grown on me, fungus-like. I think it's because black girl headbanging is a completely different beast from all other headbanging and I kinda like the fact that there's a song about it, annoyingly overproduced as it is.

In complainy news, I got absolutely no sleep last night. There were two interlocking reasons for this involving a head to toe bout of SUPREME ITCHY and an anxiety attack. Far as I can tell I'm either having an allergic reaction to something or an eczema flareup. Thinking maybe the latter, though if that's so that's annoying - I haven't had one of those in four years or so. Worrying about that, scratching, and worrying about the usual shit (which is somehow ever so much worse when you're tired and staring at the ceiling for hours) made for an uncomfortable, completely sleepless night, which I'm supremely peeved about considering I actually finished my hair at a reasonable hour. (We'll ignore the fact that reasonable = around 1:30 am). UGH. I finally crawled back into bed around 6, completely forgetting I'd offered to shuttle [livejournal.com profile] cell23 back from dropping River off for her oil change this morning, so I got back up to do that after half an hourish. Two point five cups of coffee and still ragingly itchy later, I think sleep's a lost cause. Ah well. Hanzo needed the walkies anyway.*sigh* Gods I miss my car. Was good to take him out for a bit, even just for like 10 minutes.

Wellp, I'm awake, might as well fire up last night's Sons of Anarchy and get something productive done.

Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today!
anagramofbrat: (covered in bees)
So it's 11:22 and so far today I've driven the wrong way down a one way street (got laughed at by a cute girl for doing so BUT STILL omg I did that), blew through a stop sign I didn't see but should have known was there (luckily no one was coming and no cops witnessed this but it freaked me the fuck out), and broken down crying in the coffee/tea aisle of Stop&Shop because VERY CLEARLY I am a miserable failure at life despite that in between all this I was running Grown Up Responsible Adult errands and all things considered have gotten a lot done this morning.

Moral of story: BITCH, COFFEE IS NOT BREAKFAST. YOU NEED CALORIES TO FUNCTION.

...it probably says something that my brain said that to me in Lafayette voice and is currently looking at me like this:



Right, yeah, I'm going to go eat something, wibble in the corner clutching my "I AM A RESPONSIBLE ADULT" trophy for dear life, pop an ativan, and attempt to make something positive out of the rest of today. *sigh*
anagramofbrat: (covered in bees)
So it's 11:22 and so far today I've driven the wrong way down a one way street (got laughed at by a cute girl for doing so BUT STILL omg I did that), blew through a stop sign I didn't see but should have known was there (luckily no one was coming and no cops witnessed this but it freaked me the fuck out), and broken down crying in the coffee/tea aisle of Stop&Shop because VERY CLEARLY I am a miserable failure at life despite that in between all this I was running Grown Up Responsible Adult errands and all things considered have gotten a lot done this morning.

Moral of story: BITCH, COFFEE IS NOT BREAKFAST. YOU NEED CALORIES TO FUNCTION.

...it probably says something that my brain said that to me in Lafayette voice and is currently looking at me like this:



Right, yeah, I'm going to go eat something, wibble in the corner clutching my "I AM A RESPONSIBLE ADULT" trophy for dear life, pop an ativan, and attempt to make something positive out of the rest of today. *sigh*

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