anagramofbrat: (winter holiday)
While looking at the calendar this week I realized to my horror that next Thursday is Thanksgiving. I... what? Already? Where the hell did the year go?

I'm generally not a fan of Holiday Creep, except for the fact that it allows me to buy Halloween stuff on clearance three days before Halloween. However I'm horrified by the prospect of Black Friday creeping into Thanksgiving day. Some people like having dinner with their families, you know. Not everyone, mind, but some people. I suppose my level of care is at best remote because I neither work in retail nor ever shop on Black Friday (prefer making humungous Amazon orders the monday afterwards, thank you), but that just seems wrong to me.

Still, there are things to be said about the upcoming holiday season, since it's apparently sooner than I thought and thus I can allow myself to enjoy it in a week. Nyaker's Pepparkakor is available again, for one. Talk about a ridiculously delicious way to get fat. Overabundances of pumpkin desserts, turkey and ham. Wow, I haven't made pumpkin bread once this year, I should fix that. The Hess trucks are out, even though I'm kind of underwhelmed by this year's. (Honestly, the remote control helicopters at 7-11 look like more fun, but me being a collector I'll probably acquire this year's truck at some point anyway.) And I do rather unabashedly love holiday music - though four notable exceptions to the usual holiday rotation should be noted:

"Baby, It's Cold Outside" - Because every girl wants some roofies and date rape for Christmas.

"Wonderful Christmastime" - This one is just stab-everyone levels of annoying.

"Mele Kalikimaka (the Hawaiian Christmas song)" - Cultural appropriation much? Also every version I've ever heard is just so SMARMY sounding!

"Christmas Shoes" - just... fuck you. Pretty shoes so your dying mama can look stylish in her casket? Hate to tell you kid, but they weld the bottom of the coffin shut before the service and don't bother putting shoes on the corpse anyway. YOUR HOLIDAY SENTIMENT IS WASTED.

But yeah, everything else? sure, bring it.

We have a tree this year too, though I got it on post-Christmas clearance last year, well before we brought home Monsieur Mangetout à Poil. I guess we'll see how he does. May have to soak a ghost pepper in water and spray it down before I plug it in.


In non holiday related news, I saw Dr. Tassoni today for the first time in over a year, fully expecting to get yelled at for letting that long of a gap exist between appointments. I instead got more of a guilt trip and an admonishment to consume more iron (yay chronic anemia). No change in meds for now. Whee blue horse pills. :P Also big ups to [livejournal.com profile] deliriumdeva for saving me after my PVTA fail today by running me to Florence and back and then later finding my misplaced wallet in her car. Oops, lol.

[livejournal.com profile] bloodandsmoke, [livejournal.com profile] thedavin and I met for a long delayed Drinktank, which I always do enjoy. I seriously need to sit down with the various pieces of Guardians and Gods scattered around my computer and stitch it more or less in order so I can see what I've got and what gaps need filling in. But the guys have been enjoying the bits I've brought in so far, so I'm encouraged. I'm also slightly less worried about how to get the plot to its next point, which I've been stuck on lately. Most of the bits I've been writing are still very much Introduce These Characters or These Settings and I've been feeling very much lately like I should be getting on with something, plot-wise. I feel like the guys gave me the outside permission to roll around in the world I'm building some more and not worry too much about plots going splode, though some hilarity may ensue with at least two characters and a stolen baby.

While I'm not doing NaNo, the counters work just as well for bead counts.

400 / 25500
(1.57%)

Not taking or posting pictures for a little bit because nothing interesting is happening yet - I'm 50 beads into row 3 and it's still just solid uniform yellow.There's not even enough in there yet to keep the thing from twisting up on itself into a strange U shape. It'll stiffen up the more rows get added. But yeah, it's slow going. I can't even think about this piece in terms of rows really - I'm mostly just taking it ten beads at a time and then breaking it up frequently to go do other things. This keeps me from getting overwhelmed by the sheer size of the project, and also since I've started to notice a little soreness in my left shoulder and wrist, heading off the repetitive stress injuries at the pass. Hopefully anyway. But yeah... this is going to take forever. Tentative goal is to be done by New Years. At least the next row I actually get into the actual pattern instead of solid blocks of color so that should liven it up some.

and now bed, since I have to get up, look pretty and drive down to Holyoke for office skill testing. Yeeeesh.
anagramofbrat: (vorkosigan crest)
I noticed this morning that I seem to be on an upswing health-wise, though I don't know what I'm doing differently other than drastically reducing my coffee consumption, though considering they tell you to kill your coffee habit if you have a gastrointestinal disorder, that may in fact be enough. But yeah, it sorta dawned on my that I haven't had a massive attack of the ow ow ow in at least a week, it bears thinking about.

Not being in constant pain also means a) my appetite is back (with a vengeance some days) b) an uptick in my mood in general. I always forget my brain tends to crap out when my health is fucked up, which is a good thing because man, the depression jag I was on this month was not fun. But things are looking up some.

I'm a little over halfway through my 75 book challenge for the year, and I imagine I'll be quite a bit ahead once I get back from the Vineyard, seeing as I'm bringing all my outstanding library books with me. But I'm amused/impressed by the list I've already managed to rack up:

  1. Od Magic (McKillip, Patricia A.)

  2. Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal (Moore, Christopher)

  3. The Hunger Games (The Hunger Games, #1) (Collins, Suzanne)

  4. Catching Fire (The Hunger Games, #2) (Collins, Suzanne)

  5. Mockingjay (The Hunger Games, #3) (Collins, Suzanne)

  6. Lost at Sea (O'Malley, Bryan Lee)

  7. Beguilement (The Sharing Knife, #1) (Bujold, Lois McMaster)

  8. Legacy (The Sharing Knife, #2) (Bujold, Lois McMaster)

  9. The Virtu (Doctrine of Labyrinths, #2) (Monette, Sarah)

  10. Pack of Lies (Paranormal Scene Investigations #2) (Gilman, Laura Anne)

  11. Daughter Of Hounds (Kiernan, Caitlín R.)

  12. The Child Thief (Brom)

  13. Goblin Quest (Jig the Goblin, Book 1) (Hines, Jim C.*)

  14. The Kingdom of Gods (The Inheritance Trilogy, #3) (Jemisin, N.K.*)

  15. Avatar: The Last Airbender: The Promise Part 1 (Yang, Gene Luen)

  16. Passage (The Sharing Knife, #3) (Bujold, Lois McMaster)

  17. The Secret Garden (Burnett, Frances Hodgson)

  18. Horizon (The Sharing Knife, #4) (Bujold, Lois McMaster)

  19. Liar (Larbalestier, Justine)

  20. A Rogue By Any Other Name (The Rules of Scoundrels, #1) (MacLean, Sarah)

  21. Daughter of the Forest(Sevenwaters, #1) (Marillier, Juliet)

  22. Stolen Continent CL (Wright, Ronald)

  23. The Passage (The Passage #1) (Cronin, Justin)

  24. The Demon King (Seven Realms, #1) (Chima, Cinda Williams)

  25. How to Ditch Your Fairy (Larbalestier, Justine)

  26. City of Bones (The Mortal Instruments, #1) (Clare, Cassandra)

  27. The Night Circus (Morgenstern, Erin)

  28. City of Ashes (The Mortal Instruments, #2) (Clare, Cassandra)

  29. The Exiled Queen (Seven Realms, #2) (Chima, Cinda Williams)

  30. Hidden Warrior (The Tamír Triad, #2) (Flewelling, Lynn)

  31. Shade's Children (Nix, Garth)

  32. Tales From The Land Under My Table (Wilhelm, Hans)

  33. Annie (Meehan, Thomas)

  34. The Giraffe and the Pelly and Me (Dahl, Roald)

  35. Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's (Robison, John Elder)

  36. The Gargoyle (Davidson, Andrew)

  37. The Truth Machine (Halperin, James L.)

  38. Practical Demonkeeping (Moore, Christopher)

  39. The Stepsister Scheme (Princess, #1) (Hines, Jim C.*)

  40. Trip of the Tongue: Cross-Country Travels in Search of America's Languages (Little, Elizabeth)

  41. Sister Citizen: Shame, Stereotypes, and Black Women in America (Harris-Perry, Melissa V.)

  42. The Killing Moon (Dreamblood, #1) (Jemisin, N.K.*)



So far the only book I really disliked was Cronin's The Passage, and I did get very annoyed with the second Doctrine of Labyrinths book as it wore on. The rest have verged from diverting to fantastic. Also kinda happy that out of that entire list only five books (the Hunger Games trilogy, The Secret Garden and Tales from the Land Under My Table) have been rereads.

The problem with gorging myself on library books, especially when reading one from an author I actually really like and respect is I get that YOU SHOULD BE WRITING NOT READING twinge. *chuckle* I guess thank goodness for the Drinktank guys - without having to spit out something for our occasional meetings I wouldn't make any kind of progress on that front at all.
anagramofbrat: (hawt)
Seems like my fears that my intestines would go back to their previous Andee-hating ways after recovering from that sinus THING a couple weeks back are mostly unfounded. I've been pretty much eating like a normal person for about a month now, and other than relatively low grade complaints? The guts are all "Food? huh. Okay, I can do this." Which is nice. And annoying?

Annoying?

Yes. You see, I've been picking at food for a little over a year before the beginning of the month because it hurt to eat. Any nutrition I got was because I'd force food down past a hyperactive gag reflex and knowing that in thirty minutes I'd be in crippling pain for having the audacity to EAT. Which is kinda necessary to survival. As a result, I kinda forgot how to eat like a normal person. You've seen me complain about this. I've been all FOOD! GIMME ALL OF IT! lately. Which is okay for now, but it's not a habit I want to solidify, cause that's not healthy either.

On the other hand? Eat like a damn fool for a month, and you're going to gain weight, which in my case is a good thing. I'm still pretty comfy in size 10 pants, but my 12s aren't sliding off unassisted anymore. My face looks reasonably normal again. My ring's still a little big, but it's getting better. And my boobs are filling back out, yay! Yes, the important things in life, I know, lol. But seriously, y'all, now I know that I'm severely unhappy if I can see my ribs.

So right now, here's where I'm at with regard to my body - I think I'd like to figure out some reasonable boundaries regarding my food intake, because while this period of total Haagen Dazs and mashed potatoes binging is kinda fun/liberating, again, not good habits to form long term. I'd like to get back up to 165-ish pounds and stay around there. And at some point i need to start exercising. I have a sleeveless wedding dress I need to look hot in.

But yeah, it's actually really nice being able to look in the mirror and actually recognize myself again. I'm supposed to be a bigger girl, damn it. I guess it took not being one anymore to really 100% accept that.

random

Mar. 14th, 2012 11:07 am
anagramofbrat: (green things)
Temperatures for the next little while are expected to stay between 60 and 70 F. There are peeper frogs out at night. The cat is going more apeshit than usual and spends hours either at the open back patio door or in the newly de-plasticked living room window. Or trying to make a break for it when we open doors. Expecting her to resume her rocket powered charge through the patio screen at any moment.

Met with Lesley Arak last night to talk wedding photography. Have some lists to make.

It's pi(e) day. I don't think I will get any tasty pie today, but it's only 10:30am, who knows what lovelies the day might bring.

I took a mental health day yesterday to rest up and deal with the brain weather, though that was quickly explained by the onset of ladytimes. Feh. Thankfully the cramp fairy has the month off, but her spot seems to be filled by the EAT EVERYTHING fairy. I tell you what, this whole having an appetite thing is awful. I just want to eat ALL THE THINGS all the time. I would appreciate a happy medium between pig out and nonconsensual fast.

I baked cheddar biscuits though. Nom nom nom.

Anyway, the brain weather seems to have settled a little bit, though I clearly still have some ex-related angries that need to be either put to bed once and for all (not likely) or cheerfully beaten back into their little boxes until later (probable). No real point to stressing myself about it until I find some way back onto my wellbutrin.

Somehow after swearing that I wouldn't freelance anymore I found myself helping one of the campus cops with his photography web site after work on Monday. Oh well. Extra money is never a bad thing.

I have a date tonight with CuteGirl - we are seeing The Artist. We'll see how I do w/r/t terrified lesbian sheep tendencies.

Still struggling with creative projects and the actual working on of them.

I have accidentally an aloe plant. One of the techs upstairs was putting this pot of aloe shoots out with a "TAKE ME HOME" so I was all what the hell, I used to be really good at growing aloes. Actually I have to get cracking on this year's gardening projects. Now that it's warming up I need to empty out and wash out last year's pots and decide what things I want to grow besides tomatoes. Also repot Spidey, he's looking a little sad.

[livejournal.com profile] cell23 and I are into the fourth season of Breaking Bad now. OMG this show. I can't even.

I have also broken my resolution to only have three books out from the library at a time. I met Lesley at the Jones last night and the temptation was just too great. Right now I have parts 3 & 4 out from Bujold's Sharing Knife series, Justine Larbalestier's Liar, Juliet Marillier's Daughter of the Forest*, and Justin Cronin's The Passage out right now. Also reading Stolen continents : the Americas through Indian eyes since 1492. Occasionally I have to break up all the YA and fantasy stuff, and this book so far is pretty good. *sigh* because I really have oodles of time to read. Feh.

I feel like I need to use the time between now and PAX hermited up until I get more stuff finished, or at least until I feel like I have. Except the damn weather's all COME OUTSIDE AND SPEND TIME IN ME. I suppose I ought to enjoy these precious few days of springtime before the trees all wake up and start filling the air with their abominable itchy fornications.

* intrigued, as this series seems to have the same cover artist as the first three Kushiel books.
anagramofbrat: (om nom nom)
It occurred to me yesterday that this is the first week in a very long while not regularly punctuated by gut tantrums and pain.* I'd be happy about this and wondering what the hell I'm doing differently so I could keep doing it, except that the only significant change that happened over the past two weeks is coming down with and recovering from whatever head/chest plague that's been going around. This actually supports my half-joking theory that my immune system attacks my intestine out of boredom. Maybe I need to be looking into academic jobs at the elementary school level instead of the university one just for the "more exposure to germs" factor. >_<

* aside from the low-key in comparison crankiness caused by ladytimes.
anagramofbrat: (rare spawn)
  • While I'm glad to have an explanation for the bad crop of brain weather I've had for the past few days by way of rather dramatic UTERINESPLODE yesterday, there's always a part of me that's always viciously annoyed by how my hormones affect my mental state. I hate comforming to stereotype. Probably don't help none that I crave fried greasy chicken like hell while I'm PMSsing. Pretty much all I need is some damn birkenstocks to complete the stereotype trifecta. Growl.


  • It's been a Studio Ghibli heavy weekend. Saturday night's movie with Kidzilla was My Neighbor Totoro, which Kidzilla didn't remember watching as a very small child (but nevertheless loved anyway). Yesterday we went to see The Secret World of Arietty, which we both enjoyed, probably for very different reasons, mine having more to do with taking in the lush, painterly quality of the animation and backgrounds and bursting into giggling at the commentary being whispered by [livejournal.com profile] extrajoker and friends, into whom we ran at the same showing. But seriously, I think it was [livejournal.com profile] cell23 that observed how after seeing trailers for all the current animated offerings trying to outdo each other in terms of style and cleverness and then you see one for a Miyazaki movie which instantly makes everything else look, well, amateurish. Not just that. Cartoony. Bah. Well, while I have no interest in seeing the bastardization of The Lorax, I'll probably go see the Aardman pirate movie. It looks just silly enough to appeal to me, and well. It's about pirates. I'm kinda required.


  • I'm not sure what I'm doing right, but things seem to have taken a turn for the better with regard to my everyday gut complaints. Things still hurt, but not like as often or as bad, and I'm a little bemused to note my appetite seems to have rebounded, so I'm eating slightly more than normal sized portions of things again as opposed to my tiny little bites of meals I'd been confined to before. I also seem to have put on weight, but that could well be ladytime bloat, so I'm not going to put that much store by it. Really the only change I've made diet-wise is trying not to eat too much in the way of candy (the only thing I can definitely say sets things off) and just basically eating more in general. I think just having more of everything - calories, nutrients, what have you - available for self-repair is probably the key.


  • We have the kids a couple extra days owing to school vacation this week. Pros are yay kids, and getting more time to hang out with them. Cons are Lil'Beast being four and actually having to deal with that. He had a DAY yesterday that made both [livejournal.com profile] cell23 and I want to curl up with a bottle of Mr. Jameson's finest offerings at varying points of the day, though this was contrasted with him curling up in my lap and telling me how he wasn't actually angry when he threw tantrums, just sad, and didn't know why. Also with his periods of being a little gigglemonster. Poor kid. It's rough being four. Once again I'm reminded of a passage from Peter Pan when it's remarked upon that fairies are so small they only have room for one emotion at a time. I think the same could be said for very small children.


  • We're having a spate of gorgeous early-spring weather these past few days. Warm (by which I mean high forties/low fifties) and, well, that sort of not-quite cold that's fresh and clean feeling, not merely freezing. Crisp. Like an apple. It's delightful AND incredibly strange, it being not even March yet. I mean, we had a picnic on Saturday. Outside and stuff. In February. What is this madness?


  • Also been doing a LOT of reading lately to the point where Goodreads says I'm on track again for my 75 book challenge. I have five books out from the library plus I finally got past the initial hurdle of the first few chapters of Lois McMaster Bujold's Sharing Knife series and subsequently demolished my way through the first couple of volumes. Nothing like as good/fun as the Vorkosigan saga, but readable nonetheless. I enjoy authors that can create believable character interactions despite or even because of their circumstances/setting, goodness knows internal character bickering have kept me reading some series long after they jumped the shark into soap opera-y dreck (*cough* Black Jewels, Kushiel Legacy *cough*). Aside from that, I'm also enjoying Laura Gilman's Paranormal Scene Investigations series and The Child Thief, Brom's cracked take on Peter Pan, though I did have to get over my initial disappointment that it wasn't a graphic novel. Somewhat less engaging was the second volume of Sarah Monette's Doctrine of Labyrinths, which had way too many passages that bored me silly between the actually interesting bits. I'll probably pick up the last two volumes at some later point, but I don't quite have the give-a-fuck to push through them right now, especially as most of the conflicts set up by the first novel have pretty much been dealt with.

Wellp, that's pretty much me.
anagramofbrat: (this too shall pass)
September 26, and I've just completed the morbid and yet somehow cheering ritual of paging back to this time 2008 in [livejournal.com profile] kjpepper and rereading the entries (and comments!) chronicling my emergency abdominal surgery and the subsequent hospital stay, all while thoughtfully rubbing the seven inch scar the experience left. This year it's finally been softening up from a hard line of scar tissue to something that feels like, well, skin; there's only a little bit at the top that still feels all weird and lumpy. I guess that's where they began the incision. One hell of a treasure trail, as predicted.

Other than shaking my head and reminding myself that pretty hardcore painkillers not only make for seriously funky hallucinations/dreams (all of which I remember quite clearly) but amusingly fucked up LJ posts (It's like drunkposting x >9000) I guess I'm mostly amused/amazed at how relentlessly upbeat I was about the whole thing. Well, once it was pretty clear I was gonna survive it, anyway - the 2-3 hours right before I actually had to have surgery was probably one of the more terrifying and painful experiences I've ever gone through in my life, and worse, I had to go through it alone. But yeah, considering that was a pretty dire point in my life in pretty much all directions, I have to hand it to three-years-ago me for staying positive despite everything falling apart around my ears and in my fucking body. I kinda wish three-years-later me had retained the knack, but I'm relearning. Sorta.

It's funny, from a certain point of view, 2008 sucked sweaty monkey balls between the two hospital stays for seriously life-threatening nigh unto "no seriously, why am I not dead?" emergencies. (And that was just medically - everyone around back then well remembers the emotional drama going down simultaneously.) On the other hand, and this is the bit of perspective that I keep losing, I survived both times, and that is pretty badass. (As [livejournal.com profile] cell23 pointed out the day I came home, I out-badass Houdini for not dying of peritonitis.) I guess that's why I don't mind this particular morbid ritual every year around my "surgiversary," nor do I think it's unhealthy that I do it. Gods... I need the reminder about how strong I actually am and don't give myself nearly enough credit for. Especially these days when my health is kinda freaking me out. It's nice to know I've gotten through worse... not exactly unscathed, but well enough.

It also means holy shit, my birthday's in two weeksish. What.


Showertime, then I think I need to kill a serious chicken craving. HALLO LEFTOVERS.
anagramofbrat: (mass autumn)
  • I'm getting better. The whole forcing myself to eat until my body stops treating food with suspicion seems to be working. Balancing it with lots of fluids, which seems to help. Small snacks instead of actual meals also seems to be the right way to go, especially since my stomach still likes to be all like NO after ten bites of anything. Not exactly 3 meals a day friendly right there.

    Surprisingly so far what has been pretty well accepted right now is cheese. I would think it would be something that would make me feel horrible but apparently this is not my week to be dairy-sensitive. So the last few days one of my primary nibbles is chunks of hard sharp yummy. [livejournal.com profile] grinninfoole treated me to a small brick of Gruyere on Thursday and today at the farmers' market the lady at the Chase Hill Dairy Farm stand gave me the remainder sample chunk of her sold out Queso Veijo, so for right now at least it's an easily indulged craving.

  • Speaking of which, I did indeed go out to lunch with [livejournal.com profile] grinninfoole on Thursday, though considering my digestive issues I opted to have chicken noodle soup instead of Bueno y Sano. I do enjoy our lunch dates, it seems to be a nice check-in/how are we doing for both of us and have some frank discussion about depression, recovery, efforts at being more social/adult/goal oriented and how all that's going for us. Other than my health issues, we both seem to be on an upswing at the same time, which is excellent.

  • D&D went decently on Thursday night; after a group consensus that combat and general gameplay needed to be tightened, I think overall we all did better. Apparently putting a chart down on my combat cheat sheet listing all my dice roll values helped me a lot - a fair amount of what slows me down during game, believe it or not, is trying to figure out what 17+26-4 is. We seem to be approaching the end of our campaign, and while I like playing Mare and enjoy the band of characters we've got going, I think I'm in agreement with [livejournal.com profile] avalon616 here - epic tier is kinda rough and aspects of it are starting to poke me in the "this is why you never liked endgame raiding in WoW either" place. Starting to. They haven't quite gotten there yet. We'll see how we progress.

  • Work is actually pretty good now that back to school rush is over and the work study minions are starting to know what they're doing. The bad part is that my layout's been accepted so now I'm on the profoundly unfun bit of website design where I have to translate pretty shit in photoshop into CSS. Eugh. And I still have Other job stuff to do so if I can find a bit of time to work on that this weekend, next week should be nice, money wise.

    Oh and yesterday (well actually today, but never mind) was my boss's birthday. Apparently most of a slice of red velvet cake doesn't disagree with me either, go figure. ITS does not scrimp on the baked goods, seeing as besides the red velvet there was this cake called "to die for" that looked too much like diabetes on a plate to even want to get near, but damn. Also ITS has a fair amount of Polish folks. There was a rousing chorus of "Sto Lat" as the cakes were getting cut.

  • Kiddos are here, and for the most part, behaving themselves. Kidzilla's missing front tooth is ridiculously cute when she giggles:



    See? Oh here, since Lil'Beast decided to butt into the picture taking have a bonus.



    We had a nice visit this morning from their grandparents ([livejournal.com profile] chirping_monkey's side) who dropped off a kitchen playset for them. Lil'Beast kept coming down the stairs and serving us invisible cakes. These are the moments that keep me from eating him, I swear.

    Every so often I have an "AAAAH TOO FAST STOP GROWING" with them. Between Kidzilla's facial window, having to raise her bike seat this afternoon, and the fact that Lil'beast is now too big for his PJs, tricycle and almost his sandals... yeah. They've both changed so much in the two years I've been regularly part of their weekends on this end of MA. And yeah, I realize it's what kids do, lol, come on, I'm still having issues with my nephew being legal to drink and getting tattoos and macking on women cause he tall and cute. Somewhere in the back of my brain he stopped growing around 12 and his siblings and Alejandra all stopped accordingly as well, no matter what their facebook statuses say. One of those things, I guess.

  • We also managed to make it out to the farmers market, as I mentioned earlier. Came home with ingredients for some ghost pepper chili (which I will not be eating, thank you) and I've been bugging [livejournal.com profile] cell23 for two weeks to make potato leek soup, so he got stuff for that too. Noms are afoot. And the kids got maple candy and cheese and cookies so they as usual made out like bandits. I didn't personally get too much this time around, but I'm thinking next week I'll stop by the astarte farms tent, buy up a whole big bag of their end of season tomatoes as well as any I get off Icky and Sticky in the next week or so, plus a few other bits and pieces and try my hand at making an army sized batch of tomato sauce in the crock pot.

  • New eggs in the cave today! I know I know "you still play that game? lolwut?" yeah yeah shut up.

    Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today!


Yeah, that's kinda life as I know it right now. In a few hours it'll be time for me and some of the crew to head down to Northampton for burlesque, and then tomorrow I think there's apple picking happening since we didn't get to go for Kidzilla's birthday. Definitely creeping on up to Fall... cannot wait...

Upswing

Sep. 14th, 2011 01:15 pm
anagramofbrat: (yay jesus)
Today is going somewhat better than earlier this week - this is the first day in at least a week where food (smelling, consuming or even just thinking about it) did not make me want to vomit immediately. 'Cause let me tell you, feeling like that and forcing yourself to eat or swallow pills despite it? Worlds and worlds of not fun. And then there was the whole thing where I couldn't tell the difference between hunger and nausea for awhile. That was fun. I'm still getting that in much smaller degrees, but I'm glad I can get some nutrition into me without it being as much of an ordeal. Especially since I have a lunch date tomorrow and I am rather looking forward to that quesadilla. But yeah, what the hell, it's like I have to re-teach my body how to eat again. Or at least convince it that the objects I keep putting into my mouth are friendly and not full of either vile poison or razor blades. Yes, I see where your brain went there, shut up.

BELLS TODAY OMG OMG OMG! Yeah, I might be a little excited about this. I mean it was nice to have an extra day in the week with no hard commitments, but I missed ringing more than I expected. This was probably subtly reinforced by the fact that I keep running into the bell choir director on the bus to work in the morning since she works at UMass. But yeah in the words of Animal, "YEAH! DING DONG!"

Come to think if it, I should send that to my bell director. ETA: also make an animated icon of Animal playing handbells.

I hope to get productive stuff done tonight after bells, but I've been coming home so wiped out/exhausted/ill that pretty much it's stagger in the door, feed the cat, nerf around on reddit for a bit, go to sleep accidentally for four hours, wake up at like 10:30, curse the wasted evening, shower up, go back to sleep until worktimes. But considering the back to school rush is well and truly over at SCCS, and the minions are doing a competent job of relieving me of retail floor duty, and I'm actually feeling marginally human instead of a zombie, who knows. But I've got a house to clean up before kidvasion on Friday and actual!work to do for Old Job that I'm getting behind on, so be nice if I could stay mostly conscious when I finally do get home tonight. Just a thought.

Icon is appropriate, due to bells being all in a church and all the music being devotional.
anagramofbrat: (fuck you)
Points to those who get the reference.

Between the usual bad after effects of traveling on my delicate widdle intestines (seriously, fuck them right now) plus the uterus being all SWEET A PAIN PARTY CAN I COME I am not a happy camper. And there still seems to be an o.b. shortage. The only size I've been able to find anywhere are the yellow super pluses, the insertion of which is not entirely unlike loading the ladytunnel with 12 gauge cotton buckshot. (Feel free to write your own cock and fire jokes, and no my pelvic floor muscles are not that awesome.) Plus I didn't feel up to making coffee this morning so I've got the beginnings of a raging headache on top of this. Not that my head is below my waist.

Clearly I need to remedy this with liberal applications of kitty cuddles.
anagramofbrat: (fuck you)
Points to those who get the reference.

Between the usual bad after effects of traveling on my delicate widdle intestines (seriously, fuck them right now) plus the uterus being all SWEET A PAIN PARTY CAN I COME I am not a happy camper. And there still seems to be an o.b. shortage. The only size I've been able to find anywhere are the yellow super pluses, the insertion of which is not entirely unlike loading the ladytunnel with 12 gauge cotton buckshot. (Feel free to write your own cock and fire jokes, and no my pelvic floor muscles are not that awesome.) Plus I didn't feel up to making coffee this morning so I've got the beginnings of a raging headache on top of this. Not that my head is below my waist.

Clearly I need to remedy this with liberal applications of kitty cuddles.
anagramofbrat: (bee on the grape!)
I just closed Fisher Price® My First Checking Account™ yesterday. I've been meaning to get away from BoA for years now cause they're fee-happy assholes, but never got around to it and considering I've stubbornly clung to this one since my first year of college (and it's survived four bank mergers)... yeah. I'm still leaving the savings account open for folk to get me funds in emergencies, but I've mostly severed my ties with Bank of America and it's kind of a glorious feeling. Other than the weird sentimental attachment, I don't feel that bad about this. Flo's has been infinitely nicer to me.

I'm more or less back on a regular med schedule for the first time in a couple months. Hopefully that will fix some of the gastrointestinal ick I've been having lately.

Related to that I stepped on a scale this morning... Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. I haven't seen the lighter side of 185 since just before surgery. No wonder I've been able to snake out of all my pants without undoing the flies lately. Again, a mixed bag here, I'm a girl so on one hand I'm all, "huh, weight loss, that's positive right?" except I know it's just cause I've been sick as hell lately and not eating very much cause it fucking hurts. So I'm actually looking forward to the number on the scale climbing a little bit. If there's one thing I've kinda learned and accepted about myself over the years is that my body seems happiest around 200-210lbs, which yeah, most docs would be all like OMG FAT FAT FATTY FAT FAT FAT but that always seems to be where I feel healthiest. Above that I feel like a distant Hutt cousin, and below that, well. Usually comes with the side effect of being sick as a fucking dog.

Also if I get back there I won't have to go pants shopping. Yes, the lazy/poor informs my health decisions, lol.

We'll see how I do back on meds for a while, if indeed it seems like I can once again actually eat stuff without it killing me three hours later, I may start regularly fishing for people to go to Planet Fitness with me. Exercise is good and all, right?
anagramofbrat: (bee on the grape!)
I just closed Fisher Price® My First Checking Account™ yesterday. I've been meaning to get away from BoA for years now cause they're fee-happy assholes, but never got around to it and considering I've stubbornly clung to this one since my first year of college (and it's survived four bank mergers)... yeah. I'm still leaving the savings account open for folk to get me funds in emergencies, but I've mostly severed my ties with Bank of America and it's kind of a glorious feeling. Other than the weird sentimental attachment, I don't feel that bad about this. Flo's has been infinitely nicer to me.

I'm more or less back on a regular med schedule for the first time in a couple months. Hopefully that will fix some of the gastrointestinal ick I've been having lately.

Related to that I stepped on a scale this morning... Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. I haven't seen the lighter side of 185 since just before surgery. No wonder I've been able to snake out of all my pants without undoing the flies lately. Again, a mixed bag here, I'm a girl so on one hand I'm all, "huh, weight loss, that's positive right?" except I know it's just cause I've been sick as hell lately and not eating very much cause it fucking hurts. So I'm actually looking forward to the number on the scale climbing a little bit. If there's one thing I've kinda learned and accepted about myself over the years is that my body seems happiest around 200-210lbs, which yeah, most docs would be all like OMG FAT FAT FATTY FAT FAT FAT but that always seems to be where I feel healthiest. Above that I feel like a distant Hutt cousin, and below that, well. Usually comes with the side effect of being sick as a fucking dog.

Also if I get back there I won't have to go pants shopping. Yes, the lazy/poor informs my health decisions, lol.

We'll see how I do back on meds for a while, if indeed it seems like I can once again actually eat stuff without it killing me three hours later, I may start regularly fishing for people to go to Planet Fitness with me. Exercise is good and all, right?
anagramofbrat: (team tatro)
FEEL FREE TO SCROLL ON DOWN IF MY GUSHING ABOUT SMALL HUMANS IS OFFENSIVE TO YOU.

Still here? K.

It's been a low key weekend at home, full of books, board games (Kidzilla and I played a long drawn out game of battleship down to a draw before giving up, [livejournal.com profile] cell23 taught Lovebug how to play Othello, and there was Clue this morning), dragons, rock band (mostly them making requests and [livejournal.com profile] cell23 and I performing them), OK Go videos (they really like the ones with the dogs and the giant rube goldberg machine), Daddymonster, ticklefights, a second viewing of Mulan, and pretending to be dirty trains in need of washing... well, when I put it like that, it seems much busier than it actually felt.

It was definitely one of those weekends where I was keenly aware of how much they have grown up and how fast, marvel at how our relationship to each other has changed in the past year and a half. Kidzilla and I will be silly for hours over games, or talk about dragons, or just hang out and read. So different from the shy closed up kid she was in the beginning. It's not just a personality shift either - she's still shy nigh unto terrified of people she doesn't know well. The fact that she will now run up to me after not seeing me for two weeks and just start talking nonstop about whatever thing has caught her fancy this time is crazy. Plus I gotta admit that even though I have to crab at her to put them back when she's done with them, I am kinda pleased to see her plowing through the shelf full of my old kids' books, and also to see her returning to the same ones I liked to read over and over once upon a time. Also I'm ridiculously fond of her "Grownups are idiots" face, which is this little frown and nose wrinkle combination that she'll give both her father and I when either of us say something she feels is ridiculous, usually when one or both of us is very obviously messing with her. I don't know where she picked it up but it's awesome, and I hope she continues to make that face on into adulthood cause man, lol.

I've been thinking of the Lovebug as Little Beast more often lately, both in the terrifying resemblance to The Manbeast (kids that young should not have the troll face perfected, right?) and, well, he's three. And it seems like most of the time, he's angry about this. It's a little sad, but honestly mostly funny watching him come to terms (sort of) that You Can't Always Get What You Want. I say mostly funny because it manifests in these tirades of "No, (subject is) Not!" that would be frustrating if it weren't delivered in his dead serious, R-less little lisp. Like the argument over him having to change clothes yesterday was somehow cause for epic, angry tantrum where he insisted the shirt I'd just taken off of him was clean and the shirt I was trying to pop onto his madly squirming little torso was dirty because he didn't want to wear it. Ai, ya. Like I kept saying to him throughout the weekend "such big tantrums for such little things!" But hey, it's hard being 3. Which is why after I got him dressed yesterday I scooped him up and gave him a big fat kiss on his little tearstained cheek and told him that life wasn't fair, but he was still delicious even if he was all tired and cranky and being a big jerk, and he answered with an extremely pouty "No, I'm not," put his arms around my neck and put his sulky face down on my shoulder and I swear I just melted. Well done, kid, it takes some serious talent to remain cute nigh unto heart-melting that soon post-tantrum. But it wasn't all tantrum all the time, he's still impressing the snot out of me with the reading and seems to be getting a better handle on potty, though I have to say I find it hilarious that he never exactly says he has to go, he just sort of starts walking around in slowly tightening circles like a dog. Oh also? He's starting to do that thing where he's realizing how words are spelled so he's adding extra syllables to a lot of words all of a sudden. I think silent e's are a concept for later on.

But yeah, good weekend with them, course, I can't really think of a point where I've ever had a bad weekend with them, honestly, I mean they're kids, they're rambunctious and loud and don't always remember their manners (though both of them have gotten a LOT better about that) and yes, there's the occasion where I want to duct tape one or both of them to a wall, sure, but I'm always sorry to see them go. Especially right at the end when at least Kidzilla and sometimes also Lovebug will hug the stuffing out of me before they'll go and tell me they'll miss me. This morning was a double kid whammy, which made up some for the fact that I didn't get to spend that much time with them as I had Werewolf this afternoon and they went off to Grandpa Geoffroy's for his birthday. Also Werewolf was mad fun this week. :)

My current reading involves Patterns. I'm rereading Octavia Butler's Patternist series, as I found an omnibus edition of them at the library, and I'm mired firmly in the books of Amber, also, alas in a bricklike and frankly intimidating omnibus edition. Not much to say on either at this junction other than I'm enjoying them and I found the coincidental similarity amusing. I also took an hour this evening and blew through Carrie Fisher's very funny and occasionally cringe-inducing memoir, Wishful Drinking, It's a very short read - it's large, double-spaced print festooned with pictures. There were some sleepy brain badgers awakened by her romp through mental illness and addiction, but I'll probably post about those when I'm a little more inclined towards omphaloskepsis.

But yeah, not so much else going on, other than my intestines being crampy/ouchy and annoying and my reproductive system also being crampy and annoying but less so and tomorrow I'm gonna have to yell at people regarding a particular allotment of little pieces of green paper. Other than that, can't really complain about life, so I suppose that's something. :)

As you were.
anagramofbrat: (team tatro)
FEEL FREE TO SCROLL ON DOWN IF MY GUSHING ABOUT SMALL HUMANS IS OFFENSIVE TO YOU.

Still here? K.

It's been a low key weekend at home, full of books, board games (Kidzilla and I played a long drawn out game of battleship down to a draw before giving up, [livejournal.com profile] cell23 taught Lovebug how to play Othello, and there was Clue this morning), dragons, rock band (mostly them making requests and [livejournal.com profile] cell23 and I performing them), OK Go videos (they really like the ones with the dogs and the giant rube goldberg machine), Daddymonster, ticklefights, a second viewing of Mulan, and pretending to be dirty trains in need of washing... well, when I put it like that, it seems much busier than it actually felt.

It was definitely one of those weekends where I was keenly aware of how much they have grown up and how fast, marvel at how our relationship to each other has changed in the past year and a half. Kidzilla and I will be silly for hours over games, or talk about dragons, or just hang out and read. So different from the shy closed up kid she was in the beginning. It's not just a personality shift either - she's still shy nigh unto terrified of people she doesn't know well. The fact that she will now run up to me after not seeing me for two weeks and just start talking nonstop about whatever thing has caught her fancy this time is crazy. Plus I gotta admit that even though I have to crab at her to put them back when she's done with them, I am kinda pleased to see her plowing through the shelf full of my old kids' books, and also to see her returning to the same ones I liked to read over and over once upon a time. Also I'm ridiculously fond of her "Grownups are idiots" face, which is this little frown and nose wrinkle combination that she'll give both her father and I when either of us say something she feels is ridiculous, usually when one or both of us is very obviously messing with her. I don't know where she picked it up but it's awesome, and I hope she continues to make that face on into adulthood cause man, lol.

I've been thinking of the Lovebug as Little Beast more often lately, both in the terrifying resemblance to The Manbeast (kids that young should not have the troll face perfected, right?) and, well, he's three. And it seems like most of the time, he's angry about this. It's a little sad, but honestly mostly funny watching him come to terms (sort of) that You Can't Always Get What You Want. I say mostly funny because it manifests in these tirades of "No, (subject is) Not!" that would be frustrating if it weren't delivered in his dead serious, R-less little lisp. Like the argument over him having to change clothes yesterday was somehow cause for epic, angry tantrum where he insisted the shirt I'd just taken off of him was clean and the shirt I was trying to pop onto his madly squirming little torso was dirty because he didn't want to wear it. Ai, ya. Like I kept saying to him throughout the weekend "such big tantrums for such little things!" But hey, it's hard being 3. Which is why after I got him dressed yesterday I scooped him up and gave him a big fat kiss on his little tearstained cheek and told him that life wasn't fair, but he was still delicious even if he was all tired and cranky and being a big jerk, and he answered with an extremely pouty "No, I'm not," put his arms around my neck and put his sulky face down on my shoulder and I swear I just melted. Well done, kid, it takes some serious talent to remain cute nigh unto heart-melting that soon post-tantrum. But it wasn't all tantrum all the time, he's still impressing the snot out of me with the reading and seems to be getting a better handle on potty, though I have to say I find it hilarious that he never exactly says he has to go, he just sort of starts walking around in slowly tightening circles like a dog. Oh also? He's starting to do that thing where he's realizing how words are spelled so he's adding extra syllables to a lot of words all of a sudden. I think silent e's are a concept for later on.

But yeah, good weekend with them, course, I can't really think of a point where I've ever had a bad weekend with them, honestly, I mean they're kids, they're rambunctious and loud and don't always remember their manners (though both of them have gotten a LOT better about that) and yes, there's the occasion where I want to duct tape one or both of them to a wall, sure, but I'm always sorry to see them go. Especially right at the end when at least Kidzilla and sometimes also Lovebug will hug the stuffing out of me before they'll go and tell me they'll miss me. This morning was a double kid whammy, which made up some for the fact that I didn't get to spend that much time with them as I had Werewolf this afternoon and they went off to Grandpa Geoffroy's for his birthday. Also Werewolf was mad fun this week. :)

My current reading involves Patterns. I'm rereading Octavia Butler's Patternist series, as I found an omnibus edition of them at the library, and I'm mired firmly in the books of Amber, also, alas in a bricklike and frankly intimidating omnibus edition. Not much to say on either at this junction other than I'm enjoying them and I found the coincidental similarity amusing. I also took an hour this evening and blew through Carrie Fisher's very funny and occasionally cringe-inducing memoir, Wishful Drinking, It's a very short read - it's large, double-spaced print festooned with pictures. There were some sleepy brain badgers awakened by her romp through mental illness and addiction, but I'll probably post about those when I'm a little more inclined towards omphaloskepsis.

But yeah, not so much else going on, other than my intestines being crampy/ouchy and annoying and my reproductive system also being crampy and annoying but less so and tomorrow I'm gonna have to yell at people regarding a particular allotment of little pieces of green paper. Other than that, can't really complain about life, so I suppose that's something. :)

As you were.
anagramofbrat: (no more caffeine for you)
Good:
KIDDOS! Who are adorable in their new fuzzy Christmas pajamas. Well, really, they'd be adorable in miniature rain barrels, lets be frank here, but the PJs are pretty awesome. We showed up at Anna's to pick them up last night, and I swear, Kidzilla POUNCED me and went on a half an hour tear about dragons. O_o lol. I'm glad I've finally managed to isolate something she's obsessed with on the level that Lovebug is with Thomas but holy crap. I suppose it could be worse, it could be pink fluffy Barbie unicorns. I have to admit, after reading Rampant I've given unicorns some severe side-eye. Anyway a good chunk of this morning was spent organizing her scroll and helping her catch a few more. And being very amused about it.

I had planned to go in to the office yesterday, but didn't make it in. Aside from having a hectic and yet productive day I got pinged by [livejournal.com profile] drklrd1922 and we went up to the Dove's Nest for breakfast. Here followed a chat about kids and mental illness that's got me thinking - I also have a number/recommendation for a psychiatrist close by when I'm ready for that.

Among other things that were done yesterday, I managed to stop by the Jones and return some stuff (I've been doing pretty well on keeping up with my overdue fines at least) and pick up other stuff. I've still got two doorstops to read, but I'm frankly ignoring them to read Sarah MacLean's latest. Can I just say it's still a profoundly weird experience reading books written by someone you know? Especially the dedications because you actually know to whom they are referring! It's cool, but weird, you never get that sense of the book author being some amazing omniscient voice far away somewhere.

Bad:
Stressed about money, per usual. Also sick in the intestinemeat + period = super anemic and not fun. Also kinda feeling eaten by my to-do lists again.

Ugly:
This has been the week of vivid, nasty nightmares, dredging up all kinds of fun stuff. Ex drama and mental health mostly but there have been some monsters up in there that I haven't seen in a while and having to contend with them after a few years was unsettling. And while I'd don't precisely remember last night's round of completely unrestful sleep, it must have been a doozy, because I woke up exhausted to the point of down a die for the day. Huzzah.


Oh well. Today's been decent thus far, and there's another trip to the library planned for later and the rest of today is shaping up reasonably quiet as well, so I'm not too worried about the tired.
anagramofbrat: (no more caffeine for you)
Good:
KIDDOS! Who are adorable in their new fuzzy Christmas pajamas. Well, really, they'd be adorable in miniature rain barrels, lets be frank here, but the PJs are pretty awesome. We showed up at Anna's to pick them up last night, and I swear, Kidzilla POUNCED me and went on a half an hour tear about dragons. O_o lol. I'm glad I've finally managed to isolate something she's obsessed with on the level that Lovebug is with Thomas but holy crap. I suppose it could be worse, it could be pink fluffy Barbie unicorns. I have to admit, after reading Rampant I've given unicorns some severe side-eye. Anyway a good chunk of this morning was spent organizing her scroll and helping her catch a few more. And being very amused about it.

I had planned to go in to the office yesterday, but didn't make it in. Aside from having a hectic and yet productive day I got pinged by [livejournal.com profile] drklrd1922 and we went up to the Dove's Nest for breakfast. Here followed a chat about kids and mental illness that's got me thinking - I also have a number/recommendation for a psychiatrist close by when I'm ready for that.

Among other things that were done yesterday, I managed to stop by the Jones and return some stuff (I've been doing pretty well on keeping up with my overdue fines at least) and pick up other stuff. I've still got two doorstops to read, but I'm frankly ignoring them to read Sarah MacLean's latest. Can I just say it's still a profoundly weird experience reading books written by someone you know? Especially the dedications because you actually know to whom they are referring! It's cool, but weird, you never get that sense of the book author being some amazing omniscient voice far away somewhere.

Bad:
Stressed about money, per usual. Also sick in the intestinemeat + period = super anemic and not fun. Also kinda feeling eaten by my to-do lists again.

Ugly:
This has been the week of vivid, nasty nightmares, dredging up all kinds of fun stuff. Ex drama and mental health mostly but there have been some monsters up in there that I haven't seen in a while and having to contend with them after a few years was unsettling. And while I'd don't precisely remember last night's round of completely unrestful sleep, it must have been a doozy, because I woke up exhausted to the point of down a die for the day. Huzzah.


Oh well. Today's been decent thus far, and there's another trip to the library planned for later and the rest of today is shaping up reasonably quiet as well, so I'm not too worried about the tired.

Blerg

Jan. 5th, 2011 01:45 pm
anagramofbrat: (this too shall pass)
Been reasonably quiet lately for two reasons - 1) work snowballed this week as it does at the end/beginning of every year, so a fair amount of time is me doing work and freaking out about said work. 2) I've honestly felt like hairy sweaty goat balls since Christmas with what seems like alternating 2 days of being reasonably okay and 2 days of pretty much camping out no less than 15 feet from a bathroom. Crohns is superfuntimes, y'all. Going with that is me being sluggish and tired and cranky and sore, so I'm kinda out of it most of the time. C'est ma vie, maintenant.

Anyway, long story short, I'm not up to my usual bubbly "everything is interesting and cool and I must share it now with everyone" mode. My head feels like concrete and all i really want to do is dive under the covers and nap until I feel better. Or at least until food stops regarding my GI tract as the premium slip n slide at the water park with the three hour line and camps out in there long enough to do me some actual good.

Plus I don't know. I think after years of overexposure I'm finally bored/burned out/disgusted with the internet/social networking and just want to turn my computer off and hide right now. Alas, I'm kinda forcing myself to stay in front of EPEEN long enough to get work crap done so I actually have money for a change. What seems to be helping this is finding a motherlode of MST3K episodes on Netflix, so I've had those on in the background a lot while I attempt to do productive things during the day. We all have our ways of keeping sane, eh?

So, yeah... I'm still here. I just don't really have anything exciting/significant/notable/real to say other than Life Continues Apace. I guess when I do, I'll be back.

Just as an aside note and a heads up, I'm toying with the idea of taking my LJ friends only soon. Clutch the pearls, I think I'm developing a sense of discretion in my old age...

Blerg

Jan. 5th, 2011 01:45 pm
anagramofbrat: (this too shall pass)
Been reasonably quiet lately for two reasons - 1) work snowballed this week as it does at the end/beginning of every year, so a fair amount of time is me doing work and freaking out about said work. 2) I've honestly felt like hairy sweaty goat balls since Christmas with what seems like alternating 2 days of being reasonably okay and 2 days of pretty much camping out no less than 15 feet from a bathroom. Crohns is superfuntimes, y'all. Going with that is me being sluggish and tired and cranky and sore, so I'm kinda out of it most of the time. C'est ma vie, maintenant.

Anyway, long story short, I'm not up to my usual bubbly "everything is interesting and cool and I must share it now with everyone" mode. My head feels like concrete and all i really want to do is dive under the covers and nap until I feel better. Or at least until food stops regarding my GI tract as the premium slip n slide at the water park with the three hour line and camps out in there long enough to do me some actual good.

Plus I don't know. I think after years of overexposure I'm finally bored/burned out/disgusted with the internet/social networking and just want to turn my computer off and hide right now. Alas, I'm kinda forcing myself to stay in front of EPEEN long enough to get work crap done so I actually have money for a change. What seems to be helping this is finding a motherlode of MST3K episodes on Netflix, so I've had those on in the background a lot while I attempt to do productive things during the day. We all have our ways of keeping sane, eh?

So, yeah... I'm still here. I just don't really have anything exciting/significant/notable/real to say other than Life Continues Apace. I guess when I do, I'll be back.

Just as an aside note and a heads up, I'm toying with the idea of taking my LJ friends only soon. Clutch the pearls, I think I'm developing a sense of discretion in my old age...
anagramofbrat: (lizard happy)
[Error: unknown template qotd]

No idea. If someone answering this writer's block knows, let me know? ;)

I kid. Obviously the diplomatic answer is however long you need, using whatever methods you deem necessary to cope. I've gained plenty of amusement from the so-called "bad advice" of "the best way to get over one person is to get under another" because in a lot of ways that is exactly how I deal with heartbreak, even if I know that's not exactly healthy. And yet I also know I completely fail to thrive on my own. There's a lot of stuff I sealed off and shut away from the last relationship meltdowns that I couldn't deal with until I was at least 95% sure [livejournal.com profile] cell23 and I were stable and he wasn't going to be freaked out by me being crazy, and there's some other stuff I probably won't unpack until I'm about, oh, 172% or more. Just how I roll, I guess.

There's a dramatic part of me that wants to say you never recover from such things, but that's not true. I say this while peering down at my belly button, or more specifically the scar bisecting it that only now, two years and change after it got there, is beginning to loosen its grip on the surrounding skin, soften, and fade. Two years though. And it'll never go away, not completely. The landscape of my abdomen is altered forever. But it's less a disfigurement and more of a badge of survival, even though getting it hurt like hell. Scars on the heart and soul are much the same, really. They heal and leave you stronger for that healing.

Incidentally? I still have staples in my intestine. Truefax. What, it's not like they could go in and pull them out like they could with the outside. But they're there, I've seen them in the VCE footage, embedded in pink tissue like bits of the Titanic plowed into the ocean floor. It's got the same kind of creepy eerieness. But yeah, stretching the metaphor until it snaps, it amuses me sometimes to imagine this strange stitches-and-staples covered, Frankenstein-like beast in my chest rather than the reasonably (or so I'm assuming/hoping) healthy actual heart patiently keeping my ass alive. 'Least it makes me smile when it's hurting.


I'm faced with an OMG DO ALL THE THINGS sort of day today since this weekend was hijacked with books and lazy. No real regrets, but today and indeed this week, I need to get stuff done. In the meantime I've blown through Naamah's Kiss and of course enjoyed it quite a bit (Jacqueline Carey is purely fluff reading, but at least it's engaging/sexy fluff reading!), but I'm going to be good and not start book two for a while. That whole needing to get shit done thing. Gods, so many irons in the fire this month! Oh well.

It occurs to me that little things make me inordinately happy. Caramel cream cheese on [livejournal.com profile] aersi's spice bread, listening to [livejournal.com profile] cell23 sing in the shower in the morning, squares of warm sunshine on an otherwise freezing kitchen floor, crawling into a pre-toasted bed at night (that electric blanket was probably one of the best presents I'd ever been given, seriously), how the inside of a not exactly new but new enough hoodie feels before it goes all balled up and felted from washing.... And then there was yesterday when I asked [livejournal.com profile] deliriumdeva if I could borrow her sifter so I could make pancake flour before the kids show up next weekend, and mysteriously after she runs into [livejournal.com profile] cell23at Target, he comes home with one for me. Eeeeeeeeee.

Well. Today and all the things within aren't going to do themselves. Behave, netmonkeys.

Profile

anagramofbrat: (Default)
anagramofbrat

July 2017

S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
91011121314 15
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031     

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 28th, 2017 12:50 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios