anagramofbrat (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
anagramofbrat) wrote2013-01-28 01:33 am
anagramofbrat) wrote2013-01-28 01:33 am
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Once or twice removed
I commented to someone recently that while large groups of noisy bickery people all in the same place exhausts me, I nevertheless find myself drawn to them. It's pretty obvious where THAT comes from considering the size of what I consider my immediate family, which as a group of people has the unique ability to both nourish and drain my soul all at the same time. It's come up at different points in my life since - while I need about a week's worth of sleep sometimes in between encounters, I've seemed to attach myself to small tribes of people rather than individuals and form family-type bonds. Obviously, right now the Squirekids serve that function in my life, but it's a repeating pattern.
Obviously, there are groups that can be considered family in a more traditional sense. I think I've mostly adapted to my in-laws, for example. It's funny because while I've married into that clan, there's still that degree of removal from immediate and required... embroilage? (I know, not a word, but it's late, shut up) that makes them a bit more fun and quite a lot less stressful than dealing with my own NFL team of Brownes. Then there's the other family group I've been pulled into that while I'm not knocking the acceptance at all, still on some level has me scratching my head. This would be![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cell23's gaggle of extended ex-in-laws, with whom we spent much of the day today, owing to their paterfamilias celebrating his 90th birthday.** That was interesting, fun and stressful in all the same sorts of ways dealing with my own and with cell23's family is, except, there is an additional degree of removal and I often find myself sitting and marveling as the dynamics flow around me. They all work remarkably similar though, no matter which living room we're currently sitting in: which cousins get picked on more and why, fights and rivalries that have clearly begun in childhood and are merely continuing two to five decades later, the clear generational tiers: the elder folks, the parents/aunts/uncles, the squabbly cousins/siblings at the bottom, and depending on the age of the family, the fourth generation of kids making their appearances. I guess what changes for me personally is how much of an observer I feel like in each situation and how much I participate as opposed to merely watch.
...I didn't have much of a greater point in this post other than to be all like "huh, that was interesting and incredibly tiring."
In other news, I'm happy to say I've gotten through my nine days of late January baby-waaaahngst more or less intact, though having my uterus decide to wring itself out like a sponge during this time was quite unhelpful. It made this year's round of pwecious widdle fee-fees about it somewhat more dramatic than usual, by which I mean I couldn't just roll my eyes at myself and just refuse to acknowledge it's even registering in my brainpan as I've done in recent years. Part of me is wondering whether it's signaling that maybe its time I unpack and deal with that shit in some constructive way finally instead of walling it off like the goddamn telltale heart, as it's now six years since the initial incident that triggered all this shit, and it's been five and three years since the subsequent events that all managed to fall within days of each other, much to no doubt someone's cosmic amusement. I suppose it's a tiny measure of progress that I've hit the point where I can be all "yep, that happened" in a public post instead of squirreling it away behind filters and walls, but considering I'm only doing it after the fact and just have been kinda stewing in angsty silence about it for the last week,*** well, that's the reason why it's a tiny degree of progress. Certainly not enough laurels to rest on or anything. And quite honestly I'm in all likelihood just going to stuff it back in its box until next Jan 19th (or at least until Mothers' Day,whee), 'cause I do not have the patience for this stupid shit. I feel bad enough for even devoting a paragraph to it.
Eh, IDK, more stuff happened this weekend (mostly cute zooey kids being cute and zooey), but it's 1:30am, I'm working in the morning, and I haven't showered yet, so...
* seriously, what I consider my immediate family is huge.
** he must be drinking from the same fountain Dad is - I wouldn't have guessed him to be more than mid to late 70s.
*** My husband has shown an uncharacteristically saintly amount of patience with me this week. Bless him.
Obviously, there are groups that can be considered family in a more traditional sense. I think I've mostly adapted to my in-laws, for example. It's funny because while I've married into that clan, there's still that degree of removal from immediate and required... embroilage? (I know, not a word, but it's late, shut up) that makes them a bit more fun and quite a lot less stressful than dealing with my own NFL team of Brownes. Then there's the other family group I've been pulled into that while I'm not knocking the acceptance at all, still on some level has me scratching my head. This would be
cell23's gaggle of extended ex-in-laws, with whom we spent much of the day today, owing to their paterfamilias celebrating his 90th birthday.** That was interesting, fun and stressful in all the same sorts of ways dealing with my own and with cell23's family is, except, there is an additional degree of removal and I often find myself sitting and marveling as the dynamics flow around me. They all work remarkably similar though, no matter which living room we're currently sitting in: which cousins get picked on more and why, fights and rivalries that have clearly begun in childhood and are merely continuing two to five decades later, the clear generational tiers: the elder folks, the parents/aunts/uncles, the squabbly cousins/siblings at the bottom, and depending on the age of the family, the fourth generation of kids making their appearances. I guess what changes for me personally is how much of an observer I feel like in each situation and how much I participate as opposed to merely watch....I didn't have much of a greater point in this post other than to be all like "huh, that was interesting and incredibly tiring."
In other news, I'm happy to say I've gotten through my nine days of late January baby-waaaahngst more or less intact, though having my uterus decide to wring itself out like a sponge during this time was quite unhelpful. It made this year's round of pwecious widdle fee-fees about it somewhat more dramatic than usual, by which I mean I couldn't just roll my eyes at myself and just refuse to acknowledge it's even registering in my brainpan as I've done in recent years. Part of me is wondering whether it's signaling that maybe its time I unpack and deal with that shit in some constructive way finally instead of walling it off like the goddamn telltale heart, as it's now six years since the initial incident that triggered all this shit, and it's been five and three years since the subsequent events that all managed to fall within days of each other, much to no doubt someone's cosmic amusement. I suppose it's a tiny measure of progress that I've hit the point where I can be all "yep, that happened" in a public post instead of squirreling it away behind filters and walls, but considering I'm only doing it after the fact and just have been kinda stewing in angsty silence about it for the last week,*** well, that's the reason why it's a tiny degree of progress. Certainly not enough laurels to rest on or anything. And quite honestly I'm in all likelihood just going to stuff it back in its box until next Jan 19th (or at least until Mothers' Day,whee), 'cause I do not have the patience for this stupid shit. I feel bad enough for even devoting a paragraph to it.
Eh, IDK, more stuff happened this weekend (mostly cute zooey kids being cute and zooey), but it's 1:30am, I'm working in the morning, and I haven't showered yet, so...
* seriously, what I consider my immediate family is huge.
** he must be drinking from the same fountain Dad is - I wouldn't have guessed him to be more than mid to late 70s.
*** My husband has shown an uncharacteristically saintly amount of patience with me this week. Bless him.
no subject
Also hear hear on the big mush up of families and the connectivity that only gets more convoluted as time goes by. Love the multi-generation layering. Like a trifle! A trifle of family with many flavors and lots of whipped cream!
no subject