Behind on posting

Things I need to post about:

The New York Trip
The state of the world, racism, and how depressing it is
A longish essay on some hard realities of being a black stepparent to white children, especially with all this going on
Christmas anxieties and how somehow actually being able to afford some damn gifts is just as hard as trying to get some on a shoestring.
General headnoise, worries, etc.
One year since Dad passed. His birthday was Friday.
SQWRRL and actually working on it again
Other craft projects in the pipe.
Burlesquey stuff.

I really need to get back into the habit of posting every night. Even when there's nothing to write about, really. Then I wouldn't have weeks where everything happens at once and it goes unrecorded.

Well, about Sqwrrl

[reposted from sqwrrl]

Hey look, a long delayed update on this continuously re-shelved project.

I want this thing to at least get one shot of being a thing. The problem with getting this project there essentially lies with number 1: I am currently the only person working on this, most of the game still exists solely in my head, and between the magpie-like distractability and the "why am I even bothering, this is never going to work, it's dumb" doomsday thinking, I have created my own personal development hell.

That needs to stop if the squirrels vs Cherry Bomb struggle is ever going to hit the wider world.

I don't have very much confidence in stuff I create. I think this is a common problem among creative folk - we come to whatever medium we are working in with an attitude of "I am awesome and I am totally going to create an amazing piece that everyone will love." No, we come in with more of an "I am an untalented hack and this will be crap" one instead. The cruel cycle is revealed because much as 90% of us believes the latter there's that tiny 10% that believes or desperately wants to believe in the former. This is why creative people thrive on outside validation and why positive feedback of our stuff fills us with euphoria and the tiniest of criticisms often leads to drinking and repeated singing of "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat worms."

I do not recommend eating worms, by the way. If you are reading this chances are you are not a bird. Worms are not good for you. Stop that.

Anyway, I had a greater point. SQWRRL keeps rearing its head to haunt me, much like many creative things I've vehemently shoved to the back burner. Recently I sat down with the work I'd already done and ran some tests. It could stand some improvement, mostly in database efficiency and security and three (okay, more like six) years out of date website design. (I've been out of the professional game for a while. :/) But in concept and the workability? It's still solid. I also researched a few game design guides as well and the fundamentals of this game are still pretty tight too. Despite all my internal critics, I've half-finished something that's well on its way to being a Decent Thing if I'm brave and committed enough to believe in it a little harder.

I'd say that I guess I want to give it a try, but then the stern disapproval of two pop-culture teachers immediately rise to chide me about how non-committal that statement is, one being Yoda ("Do. Or do not. There is no try.") and the other being Mr. Miyagi ("Walk on one side of road: safe. Walk on other side of road, safe too. Walk in middle of the road, you will be squished like a grape. Do Karate 'yes': safe. Do karate: 'no': also safe. Do karate 'guess so'... squished like grape.")

Let's do this thing.