anagram of brat

So, I don't think I have a time note for the last time I was at Tech Squares. I know it was pre-2020, I think Austin and I went to two Easthills together, which probably would've been 2018 and 2019. I don't think we were regularly going to class when we did the latter of those. So yeah, it's been about eight years since I've been going remotely regularly, but Eric saw me at NEFFA and was all "so I'm running the class this semester and we haven't had a grand march in ages, I'd love to have them again".

It was a nice evening and I'm glad I went! I also think I'm gonna be pretty happy to go to tech squares twice a year for graduation and not any more often than that.

I'm thrilled that this random first-time-in-nearly-a-decade for me happened to coincide with Tenest's first-time-in-over-a-decade. Both of us have the calls still there, but it was fun to support each other through the squares, and do a little necessary flailing.

It was _really_ interesting to see what I did and didn't remember. I had dug out ~my~ graduation folder, with each week's call lists still dutifully tucked in order in there. (Somewhere I still have a little sticky note reading "you are perfect* *in attendance and other ways", from my own class folder). I didn't like. Fully read and internalize every single call, but I skimmed the names of all of them and tried to see what that triggered.

One of the things I really like about Squares is the patter of callbacks and call-actions, back and forth with Ted. "Spin the Top?!" we say, in increasingly histrionic tones, and he blithely replies "yeah, that's what I said, right?". Snap on trade by, toot-toot for track two, zoom is 02134, and it's oppa dixie style. I was _thrilled_ to hear someone say "like bunnies!" for a couples circulate, but I think I'm the only one who still has deeply locked-in spoonerisms for all the other circulations. JB gave me a hug after one of the tips, and said thank you for being someone else to chant "reduce, reuse" after a recycle.

(and I got exactly once where I was courtesy turning with a person I actually knew well enough to finish the callback for Chain Down the Line. Everyone present knew "catch me, turn me!" but only once could I actually add out loud "chain me down". That turns out to be a fun one!)

I like it so much because it helps ground the calls real well, keeps them in my memory. The fact that I was running at probably 80% accurate after eight years of not dancing is pretty damn good! And it's worth noting that my 80% at dance continues to be a lot stronger than average.

But I don't love that squares still doesn't feel like _dancing_ to me. I'm charmed by a new-to-me callback for one of the weird swoopy calls - "it flows!". Because that call does flow! All the calls flow! Ted especially makes the movements all flow into each other because he's very good at what he does! Now why doesn't the dance floor feel like they're doing that?

Some of it is the need of the floor to compound the challenges. Do the calls faster, weirder, harder. I would love Weave the Ring as a figure, if it weren't inevitably limping sideways to the beat. I don't mind making things more complicated, until they inevitably seem to remove some of the _dance_ from the dance form. Successfully snapswitching can be great fun, but what if it is interrupting your flow, or making you forget where you're going and who you've become?

I understand what I'm getting into when I go to the MIT activity, it's very smart hotshot college students who have always been The Best at everything they've ever done. I am extremely familiar with this batch of people, and am sometimes one myself.

But gosh, that's not exactly what social dancing is _for_. If you are so into the mega-complex puzzle versions of the thing that you can't find pleasure or joy in the simple version instead, that's...a way to do things. But it's not the way _I_ want to do things.

Give me hexes and snap switching, but also give me a solid singing tip and the space to move in. Do hard things badly, but also _do simple things well_.

See you in the fall for the next graduation, maybe!

~Sor
MOOP!

But the critical thing is that _I like SCD again._

This has been happening ever since I started my class, but this was maybe the first time since 2020 that I was _looking forward_ to attending Cambridge Class.

I still think there are large swaths of my hobby that don't love me back, but gee golly, the more my cohort grows, the more likely I'll be facing a partner who I can make eyes at across the set when the MC says "we're going to be using the role terms 'tartans' and 'rainbows'" and then eight bars in tells us to dance a ladies' chain. Callahan was right, shared pain *is* halved, and more importantly, pain *can* be transumuted into joy, if you have the right batch of people to share the schadenfreude with.

(Is it still schadenfreude if it's your own pain? I guess?)

It's also really nice that the dances that have been coming to class recently have had excellent flow and been beautiful to dance. It's making me think a lot about my own teaching, and what and how to emphasize things to get that as well. How do I make people shut up and focus on the flow, which would cut the number of unnecessary questions down _significantly_.

I'm excited for upcoming Mondays, and I'm excited to put together a program for my class party and keep running that, and I'm excited for Pinewoods (both work weekend in a couple weeks and ESCape, but I'm also _excited for Scottish Sessions_! I have been quietly tolerant of Scots for a couple years now (ever since the ill-fated applause year), but I am so excited to be _excited_ for camp!

I've had a zine series idea for a while: queers are stealing your hobby. Do an issue on bellringing, on ham radio, on morris, on pub sings. And absolutely this. On Scottish Country Dance. Because we are and it's great! And I think it's entirely plausible that some of the less conservative old guard will start to realize that the tradeoff for them dancing with us weirdos who are on the "wrong" side of the set all the time is getting to dance with people who are pretty practiced at being quick-thinking from anywhere in the set and able to keep the dance flowing a lot better.

It turns out that when you don't have to actually worry about adhering to an extremely strict enforced binary, there's a lot more space to just do interesting things! (this is not a metaphor.) ((this is _definitely_ a metaphor))

~Sor
MOOP!

It feels quite beautiful to me that I have a notes file labeled "burn book" which is for jotting down things I want to remember about people to remind myself why they might rub me the wrong way (to remind myself that I have reasons sometimes and not just vibes¹

1: As a contextual note, it might be worth remembering that I lost the entire last three months of my diary of dating my abusive ex, and have had to piece together some of the "was it really that bad?" since then from trauma-touched memories and chatlogs. It was, I know it was, I remember it was, I wish I had more contemporary sources to draw from sometimes. Anyways.

The beautiful part is seeing the sorts of notes I've written most recently. My work bestie's favourite candy. The name of the girl my online friend's been gushing about. One of my DnD friend's favourite animals. The kinds of cliff bar my new friend with the allergies can actually eat.

I like that my burn book, my place to collect small little notes of things I get told or observe and want to remember, is mostly just so kind.

~Sor