anagram of brat

stolen from cora (by way of jo ) cause I love me a questionnaire (I wonder if somewhere on DW someone's still doing Friday Five?):

Is there an interesting story behind your username?

My actual initials are ARBT. The interesting part of the story is that I decided on this username before I legally acquired the T, and it's in fact the ONLY reason why I hyphenated my last name when I married Husbeast. He was actually baffled that I wanted to take his at all.

And anyone that knows me understands that "brat" is and always was a large chunk of my identity.

Location and language(s):

The "Here be dragons" end of Massachusetts (Northeastern USA), which amuses me because clearly the dragons in question are college students, supercilious academics, queer people of all descriptions (yay!) and cows.

English is my language, though I used to be near fluent in French, conversational in Russian and knew enough Spanish to be reasonably functional thanks to a Tejana sister-in-law and bilingual signage all over NY.


Age range (e.g 20s, 30s, etc.):

I turn 45 in October. I'm in that murky generational transition period often referred to as "Xennial" -- basically the rapid transition from analog to digital and the explosion of personal computer tech corresponds directly to how long I've been alive. Even though I'm a hair older than the oldest of the "geriatric millennials" (lololol) I have much more in common with them than to true Xers.

Hot button/deal breaker issues that will likely lead to unfriending:

I'm a polyamorous bi/pan Black AFAB who is gender- and -neurospicy and fiercely leftist. Like truly liberal not the light conservative that passes for liberal in these united states. "Woke," if you will. I don't really believe in organized religion but as long as adopting an us vs them mentality and manipulating others into joining your faith is not a major part of your practice I'm absolutely chill with you. I like to refer to myself as a lapsed pagan, lol. I believe in compassion, dignity and human rights for everyone regardless of whether I agree with your life choices or not, and I'm a strong advocate of examining one's complicity in the white supremicist kyriarchy we all find ourselves living under.

If any of that bugs you, I invite you to maybe reflect on why, but I'm not interested in defending or debating any of the above.

Oh and get your goddamn vaccines, damn it.


Do you have an "About Me" post new friends can read to get a sense of who you are, the people you talk about regularly, etc.?

I don't think I've written one in about a decade? its been a bit since I felt the necessity, as I had stopped writing here and migrated to other socials in the mid to late 10s like a lot of people. Hence this post.

Is your profile up-to-date or at all useful?

um... good question? lemme look...

....well, aside from the fact that my fucking ICQ number is still listed (is that even a thing anymore?) yeah, it's still accurate. Guess keeping it short and simple was the pro move. But really these days if you're looking for me, just search for this handle. I haven't changed my online branding since 2012 and considering it's attached to a few still ongoing side hustles, it's not going away.

I do feel a little sad about the circle of names from both here and Livejournal that are long defunct though, which is 90% of them.

List a few things you think it's important new friends know about you right away:

I swear like a drunken dockworker but I'm really very nice and funny, I promise. And I only bite with enthusiastic consent.

Oh! that's a thing. I am sex and sex-worker positive and fierce about it. Not quite a dealbreaker, but don't get SWERFY about it.

You mostly write about:

Day to day stuff, my mental health, how I'm doing, people I love/interact with, things I think about, music I'm participating in or listening to, cats. I don't think I get mad political but that's because my entire existence is political and not easily extricated. Make of that what you will.

You never or very rarely write about:

Listen there is sooooooooooooo much word vomit potential in this brain, I'm not ruling out any topics.

Is your journal mostly public, locked, or a mix of public and locked?

This journal is mostly friends only except for a few introductory entries. I'm not super concerned about my privacy but I prefer generally having an idea who knows about how deep the neurodivergent rabbit hole is lol

Do you use filters for certain types of posts (e.g. fandom-related posts, or posts about sex, or mental health issues, etc.)?

Not really anymore? I have... other journals... for seriously explicit stuff (though I haven't used them in a bit). I'll try to be a bit better about content warning/tagging/entry cutting for the spicier stuff though, but I've never had a concern.

Your posting frequency (e.g. daily, every few days, weekly, etc.):

Of late (*cough* read since the Brain Asplode of February 2023 *cough*) its been more or less weekly, which a slow ramp up from nearly never. I'm aiming for at least once every 2-3 days.

Does your journal frequently include any of the following: memes, linkspams, gifs, photos, videos, etc?

in the old days it did. But these days I have tumblr and insta for memes and photos and links and videos go on Facebook. I do occasionally crosspost images/gifs here if they are relevant to the entry in question

What do you enjoy most about journaling?

I love blathering about what all is going on in my head, and I've gotten to the point of my life where almost no one asks anymore which apparently does a severe number on my self-esteem. Also while it was okay before it got all about the Al Gore Rhythm, short form social media was just easier because i could fire off a quick thought and move on, but things are so based on Gaining Engagement now, and I feel like true connection via other SM platforms is getting lost. One of the things I mourn with the death of LJ and other long form social media is the complete lack of any sense of... intimacy? it's all very surface and superficial and curated; no one gets really open and raw and REAL anymore. I'm not interested in perfection, I wanna see your mess so I can feel better about mine!

How often do you read your friends list (e.g. daily, every other day, once a week, etc.)?

I read daily. The days of five minute refresh are over, alas, but I do read every entry.

You really enjoy reading about:

Other people's lives. What they care about. What they're scared of. What cute thing their kids or friends or significant other did they felt was worth noting. How That Coworker annoyed them today. Having to go through Scary Medical Procedures. What Silly Stuff on the Internet caught people's attention. Really just anything, I love hearing about all of it.

You have very little interest in reading about:

uhhh, well provided you aren't a total clueless bigot, I don't think anything is off the table? I will probably skip over anything Harry Potter related though. Not that I don't like the books themselves, but I don't believe in lining JK Rowling's pockets while she throws her HP funded and fuelled platform behind invalidating trans people. Which sucks, because I was an avowed Puffle before she decided to fully show her entire ass.

Your thoughts on journals that regularly include any of the following: memes, linkspams, gifs, photos, videos, etc?

I don't mind them. These days I'd probably just be surprised to see any of that stuff here, if you know what I mean.

When it comes to comments on your posts, what matters more -- quality or quantity?

I don't care, honestly. I like knowing I'm not entirely shouting into an unresponsive void, but I'm also not going to be butthurt if you only comment when the spirit strikes you.

Do you unfriend people who don't comment much, even if you know they are reading you regularly?

What? No! The fuck? That's dumb.

What is your approach when it comes to commenting on other journals?

If I have a particular need to respond to or validate something I read, I will. If I don't, I won't. cora did say something in her answe about missing the simplicity of a like button but also being glad dreamwidth doesn't have one because it forces you to think a little bit more about engaging with content a bit more than simply doubletapping.

When you friend someone, but things don't really click, do you unfriend them without warning, or do you send them a note first? How do you prefer to be unfriended in similar circumstances?

...yeah, unless I know you in real life or long enough that we can properly be considered friends, I'm not super pressed if you show yourself the door without explanation, and vice versa. If there's already an established relationship at play anything that would warrant unfriending would generally also warrant an Actual Off-Journal conversation.

Friending memes often ask people to list their favourite TV shows, movies, books, etc., but more often than not, those aren't things people actually write about in their journal. Do you have any favourite TV shows, movies, books, etc., that you DO often write about -- not necessarily in a fandom sort of way, just in general?

That I write about regularly? not that I can think of. I may mention in passing media I consume and like in my entries and once in a while a particular thing with still that it gets mentioned repeatedly (I think right now the only media that would qualify would be Our Flag Means Death... SEASON 2 WHEN, HBO???) but the thing about having a very widely scattered and diverse set of interests and tastes is that my attention is held by different things at different times and the landscape is always shifting.


Any final thoughts you'd like to share with potential new friends?

To borrow an idea from a recent bit of writing: "Welcome to the Brat Existential Crisis. Please ensure your safety harness is fully in the down and locked position. Please keep all arms and legs inside the car at all times. In case of emergency the exits are here, here, here, here, here, here anywhere, and thank you for riding. Enjoy your trip!"

friending meme.|one of a different sort| THIS WAY

We all familiar with Lauren Herschel's ball in a box explanation of grief? No? Go read, I'll wait.

( CW: pet death )

So Madeline L'Engle's A Wrinkle in Time is in my top five for books I would read and reread and reread growing up. I still have my Bantam paperback edition somewhere, but it's so old and decrepit that I'm pretty sure the scotch tape holding it together in some places has aged to the point of giving up. It's funny because someone gave me the book when I was seven or eight and I distinctly remember failing to get into it at all the first couple of attempts, and then for some reason the third time I finally made it past Mrs Which (chapter 3) and stayed up all night to finish it, cursing myself for an idiot the whole way. After which I snatched up A Wind In the Door and loved the hell out of that one too. (Interestingly enough I did not care for A Swiftly Tilting Planet, and even though I was excited when it came out Many Waters disappointed me as well. (Mostly because I just didn't care about Sandy and Dennys nearly as much as I did Meg and Charles Wallace... which I still pronounce in my head as "Wallance" even though I realized I'd been misreading it years ago.)

That said... I tend to be very forgiving of adaptations to the point where I look at people that are all like "yes but the movie failed to match the pictures in my head so I wish it didn't have the same title because ITS NOT THE SAME STORY" like they sprouted third noses. I mean... OF COURSE it doesn't match what you imagined, you didn't make the movie or TV show, chill out.

I kinda groaned when I heard Disney was taking another stab at AWiT, because hoo boy, the miniseries they did about 15 years ago was pretty dire. While I thought casting the weird creepy kid from The Ring as Charles was inspired, the rest of it was a waste of Alfre Woodard. (To be fair, it was only distributed by Disney... but still.) And then I heard Ava DuVerney was directing and I was like OOOHHHH OKAY lets see how this goes. And then I shook my head as the Greater Racist Internet lost their shit that they cast a black girl as Meg which... OMG I have feels about that, namely that I am 100% okay with one of my fictional childhood heroes LOOKING LIKE ME, I would have killed for that as a kid. (White people, get a goddamn grip, you can stand to let us have a few of your characters out of the bazillion that represent you.) And then I kinda completely forgot about it until there were some production photos released this week ahead of D23, and I was like "wait, Oprah, Mindy Kaling and Reese Witherspoon as the Mrs Ws? Okay..." And then the teaser dropped this afternoon and HOLY SHIT.



OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. I literally started hyperventilating with excitement the first time I watched it.

( Cutting for book spoilers and gifs )
So I would say A+++ super hyped here, with a note of caution cause... I've been burnt by trailers before. But I think Ava DuVerney's got this one.

March can't get here fast enough.

EDIT: The omission of the period after "Mrs" for Whatsit, Who and Which was a stylistic choice by the author. Meg's mother, when referred to as Mrs. Murray, has the period. Just in case anyone was feeling like grammar checking me here.

Dearly beloved
We are gathered here today
2 get through this thing called life
Electric word, life -
It means forever and that's a mighty long time
But I'm here 2 tell u
There's something else:
The afterworld

A world of never ending happiness
U can always see the sun, day or night

So when u call up that shrink in Beverly Hills
U know the one, Dr. Everything'll Be Alright
Instead of asking him how much of your time is left
Ask him how much of your mind, baby

'Cuz in this life
Things are much harder than in the after world
In this life
You're on your own

And if de-elevator tries 2 bring u down
Go crazy - punch a higher floor

2016, I am fucking DONE with you professionally.

Ugh wow yes stuff, junk and things and real life and headcrap and Things That Suck on the news and me not posting cause lazy tired and depressed.

But then there was a movie where a bunch of pretty people punched robots and it was really really fun, so there's that.

I do need to make a Big Important Post about Things though.

Yesterday was the Bon Appetit Burlesque Nerd Show V, and I was asked to reprise my Sad Minecraft Zombie act from the Tassel Tussle, so stressing over that pretty much ate me over the past couple weeks. Thankfully it went very well and I'm happy with the tweaks I managed to make to both act and costume, and once again people LOVED it. Apparently I manage to do sexy/funny/adorkable very very well and it works. So yay for that. The few amusing drawbacks is that the day after I am physically wrecked - I don't know how or what I did or what but I woke up and EVERYTHING hurt... maybe just a massive release of tension + my usual monthly burlesque drop? - and owing to setting my thoroughly caked on green cream makeup with green glitter hairspray, parts of me remain faintly green after a day, heavy duty makeup remover and a very scrubby shower. Luckily above the neck so I'm still work safe, but still. Also sharpie bleeds through tights so my butt still reads "Steve - call me!! XOXO" Or at least I assume it does, I haven't checked.

So yeah that's done, onwards to the next thing right?

Not too much else going on - looking forward to the premiere of Horses, Tits & Horses, Tits & Horses, Tits & Horses tonight*, have to do something about dealing with my taxes within the next few days (ugh!), clean my house, get my money in order, send in Mystery Application, and worry about Other Things I can't post publicly about and how on earth I'm going to resurrect EPEEN. Also should catch my minecraft blog up, haven't had much chance or brain to post there either.

OH! while doing last minute show stuff Friday night, Husbeast and I binged halfway through Daredevil. WOW. Marvel keeps amping their A game with every new piece of the MCU. I am thoroughly enjoying this latest installment.

Lastly it is lovely and warm today. No real green things going yet but I did see some hungry looking finches hanging out in the as yet bare maple tree outside so I bought birdseed this afternoon and hung up my feeder. It'll take a few days for them to discover it, but once they do the neighborhood cats'll have some food porn to watch before the leaves come in. Spring, y'all.

* sing this to the tune of the Game of Thrones theme.

The patient is recovering. slowly. Will be glad when this latest go round of medicine and ick subsides - Beam's clearly still irritated and crystally and as a result, eschewing the litter box. SIGH. When all is said and done, investing in a small spot carpet steamer might be a good idea. :P

Still, I have never been so glad to wake up to a cat purring on my head as I have the last three days.

Not much other news. Mostly just Minecraft. The blog is doing nicely, have a few posts up now and I think I finally sort of like the layout, even if it isn't 100% doing what I want because Wordpress. More importantly tonight I successfully ran a three hour externally accessible survival game on my phone with relatively few problems so I'm psyched about that.

Spring is taking its sweet time getting here. It snowed today. Snowed! Ugh.

I've got to start prepping the burlesque act again. I've got work to do.

Right now I've got to go to bed. I don't know why I'm still up, I've got to be in church early tomorrow since we're playing bells for Cat Toy Palm Sunday. Silly me....

Ain't dead, though my guts are acting up something fierce.

Work stress hoo ha ha.

Everything is melty and muddy but there's more sunshine and it's definitely improved from AAAAGH FREEZING to Eeegh, chilly. Unfortunately it is now MASSIVE CAR-DEVOURING POTHOLES season, and with all the snow we've had and the massive banks all over the place, the potholes and frost heaves are an epic level of terrible to the point where it has robbed me of my usual rabid love of driving.

I started an MCPE blog over here. Still tweaking the layout and throwing in content. Wordpress has become quite the beast in the past few years, huh? I also finally figured out how to make my game accessible from the outside world, so if anyone else plays Pocket Edition holler and I will give you the Super Secret Address. More reasons to be all CMON about the new update with mode switch - if people are gonna be running around up in my builds I need it to be Survivor mode.

Cute loving husbeast remains cute and loving and holy damn two and a half months of steady gym visits are making a difference there. He's slowly morphing into a dense wall of muscle, which I won't lie is preeeeeeeetty sexy.

In the market for a bike, for once pothole season ends. I need to get on this sexy muscle gravy train.

February is over and I am glad. Between the weather, the fairly large depression/anxiety spike, various friends and loved ones also having worrisome life crap descend and several other things that snowballed on me February can really bite my cooter and die. I'm looking forward to a slightly better month. Hopefully anyway. We'll see. Considering Moonbeam's urinary problems have reared their ugly heads again this weekend it's not exactly off to the greatest start ever.

There has been some good stuff afoot though. After it languishing on my wish list for literally years, I finally managed to acquire a 3T NAS drive for the house and have been cheerfully backing up shit on my computer for the first time like ever. So there's a little bit more peace of mind. (The reorganizing and cleanup of my music, however, slightly slower going and more frustrating.) I also got a wireless bridge so we've finally been able to hook the blu-ray player to the network. Since the drive is also a media server, our days of running thumb drives up and down the stairs are over for watching digital files, plus we can get Netflix in HD now, so we can finally more or less retire the Wii. Seeing as we can also get things like Hulu plus through it as well and my package deal with Comcast is about to run the hell out, renegotiating our cable package is on the agenda for before April - unless they can offer me something that won't cost a C note per month, I'm kicking us back down to air channels and super fast internet, cause we barely watch the rest of the crap we do have. Stupid Comcast and their monopoly and the lack of a la carte cable channels. Boo. But all that aside, both items and the resulting improved connectivity to Things Around the house has been all kinds of awesome this week. So that's a thing.

I may be on a new project at work, which is both awesome and intimidating? That's about all I'm gonna say about it publicly though.

Been trying to keep my creative hand in, but it's been tough since I'm feeling the call of too many irons in the fire and having to choose one to focus on is its own form of stressful. And how do we deal with that? Minecraft and coloring. :P Neither (not Nether, lol) of those options feel like I'm accomplishing all that much but they are giving my head something to focus on than the utter dread soup my brain has been marinating in. I am getting to the point where I am probably going to put the Minecraft down for a while as I'm pretty burned out on it (it did pretty much take over my life for most of the past year), but if I do continue with it/pick it back up I'm going to at least do something online with the world/builds I've been working on other than post them to the /r/MCPE. Not sure what though. Heh, in retrospect maybe I should have given it up for Lent or something, lol. Not too late, really if I really wanted to do something along those lines. Or maybe just give up procrastinating/fucking about on the internet, what have you.

As for coloring I haven't done any more mandalas, though I have acquired a set of new markers (not the fancy kind I wanted, but I find I'm almost as happy for the 50 color set of crayolas I paid all of $5 for for now), a Dover geometrics coloring book, as today extrajoker dropped by with more coloring Stuff for me - a box of nature themed mandalas and a stack of old coloring books - one D&D themed, the rest based on the movie Willow. The Willow ones I'll be saving for the next Storytime party, which was supposed to be today but I didn't have the spoons or really the cash for party prep, plus considering the weather out right now, postponing it to the end of the month was probably the best thing to do because the roads right now are a freaking slip'n'slide. Anyway, since coloring the Superb Owls went over fantastically, having pages to scan and print that are Willow themed will be awesome.

Anyway, I did start a mandala this weekend, then found myself contemplating a pad of engineering graph paper I had lying around that I had been using to sketch out Minecraft floorplans. And some part of me was all like "Color that instead." And I was all like you fucking nuts, that's like 20 squares an inch, I'll go blind. Some photoshop-assisted planning and a couple of days of coloring later, though?



I really have to wonder if I have a calling to translate game art into other non-computer mediums. (That aren't perler beads.) I doubt I'll be making a habit of this, though - oddly enough, though it does go quite a bit faster with markers and pens (imagine that) it's been murder on the eyes and wrist in ways the beads weren't. Also 20 squares per inch is actually quite a bit smaller than 11/0 delica beads, so that's a lot of close focus and squinting. Not too surprised at the slight headache I've got going right now. But yeah, I'ma finish this one up and then unless the spirit of USELESS CRAFTING! seizes me again, I'm probably not going to make a habit of marker screenshots. Still - looks pretty cool so far and will probably be even more kickass when I get it finished. Oddly enough this is reinforcing my want for the Le Plume markers I originally wanted to get instead of these ones, because holy crap this would have been so much cleaner looking (and easier) with fine tipped pens. Buuuuuuuuuuuut whatevs. Maybe later this year.

cell23 and I at least are doing well - he's been adorable to me this past month, which has probably done more to keep me from completely unravelling than I care to admit. We had a lovely date Friday night by checking out the new breakfast cafe in North Amherst, since on Fridays they have evening breakfast-for-dinner hours. I had an absolutely delectable French toast and some of the thinnest sliced SALTIEST ham you will ever have in your life, but dear gods it was tasty as hell, even despite the uncomfortable reminder that I had burned to roof of my mouth earlier in the day, oops, lol. But yeah, he's been an absolute rock this month and though I rail at the fact that I really need that right now, I'm at the same time utterly grateful for it as well.

But yes. Please be better, March. I'm gonna do my best to help it be so, but please, gods PLEASE be better.

I didn't have much of a Valentine's Day but that's OK. Considering we had the memorial brunch for cell23's father in the morning and then Burlesque in the evening, I wasn't expecting to really do anything this year aside from rolling my eyes at the folks that insist of complaining about the holiday's existence. Besides, Drew made me steak on Friday, which was delicious.

This has been a weekend of all over the place emo shit, but I'll just say between the depressed and cold, I spend a good portion of today doing nothing, and a fair amount of the nothing was spent in bed, with the mattress pad cranked up to high, pretty much reenacting any random strip of Robot Hugs. (Mostly this one.) Trying not to feel guilty for having wasted the day, but I think I needed to just sit and wallow for a little bit. *sigh* I think between the discovery of ex related fuckery on Friday, the sort of funeral but not exactly, burlesque drop and my impending monthly uterine tantrum today was just going to be doomed. I have tomorrow off from work, so hopefully I can make some of it up.

With the exception of Friday, I did indeed manage to get a mandala colored every day this week. It was a fun experiment but I don't think the one per day goal is sustainable. They are a lovely way to calm the brain down though, so I'm going to keep doing them, but on a less rigid schedule. I guess more of an "as needed" than a "daily."



I part with a picture of me with Hors at last night's show. Because everyone needs a fairy Dragmother this cute.