anagramofbrat | Odd internal take-stock

My brain has been in overdrive lately, as is per usual when I have a Thing or THINGS on the front burner that need all my attention. Inevitable that the jerky five year old in the back of my head wakes up and is all awash with ideas and observations and lists and all right now now now and when I actually have time to deal with her? Nowhere to be found. Crickets. Snoring. Damn kids. But yeah, my head's been bubbling over with ideas for my story (apparently beading is excellent for brooding over plot points and places where I've written myself into a corner), not to mention the Next Projects, beading and otherwise. Every so often I have to be all "this is all great but SHUT UP FOR A MINUTE I GOTTA FINISH WHAT I'M WORKING ON."

It occurs to me that I haven't had a good sit down and "How am I doing" sort of post. Mostly because you don't tend to do that when things are fine, or really even good. Squeaky wheels tend to get greased, and you don't much pay attention to the little bits of the engine if the car's running like it's supposed to, right? That said over the past month I've made a few concentrated efforts towards bringing a few things back into my diet, cutting out other things, and actually sticking more or less to a regular schedule regarding meds and supplements. Something I'm doing is clearly working - my digestion still throws nasty tantrums, but they're no longer happening every night at 9:30 pm. I'm also a bit less constantly run down too, even though I have not been so good about getting to sleep at a reasonable hour. That's certainly something. Like I said, I'm unsure what was the thing that did it for sure, but there is definitely an improvement. I'm still thinner than I'd like and one of these days I still want to make going to the gym an actual thing because let's be real, right now I'd lose an arm wrestling match to an earthworm. I do think I've finally adjusted to being smaller. It does help that

inle_rah's clothing extravaganza a couple months back tipped my wardrobe back into the realm of Things That Actually Fit Me Now as opposed to just being Things that Are Now Huge On Me. But overall there's definitely been a shift from feeling like a gaunt wasted package of loose skin and bones I haven't seen since my early teens to feeling reasonably okay in the mirror, or more accurately, the front camera on my phone. I've been posting a loooooooooooooot of selfies to Instagram. All completely devoid of duckface, I might add, except for the one time I purposefully did it and then wondered why the hell people think it's a good look? Gah. I just look like Günther when I do it, except without the porn stache and the vapid perky entourage of blondes.

I still despair over my tits though, so things aren't quite all hunky dory regarding my body image. Eh, work in progress.

Brainwise is always a bit more complicated, but I did recently have to go back up to a full pill as opposed to a half in the morning. We'll see how that all works out. Right now working on the state of my head seems to be focused filling voids that are still present (and manifesting in really... unhealthy? regressive? troubling? ways) and finding some way of compensating for the amount of time I spend during the week being almost totally isolated, which I'm starting to notice isn't good for me and I'm not coping with that in a healthy fashion.

I'd make my usual complaint that money continues to suck, but the reality is that it doesn't so much. I could stand to be making more of it, but six months in and I'm still doing pretty well with the money management/budgeting and I'm pretty damn proud of myself that I've gotten caught up and paid down on quite a few things so far this year. I guess it's more accurate to say that money remains tight, but I find I have a perverse amount of fun planning where my money is going to go and still having enough for bills to get paid. Also pretty pleased with my phone discipline so far, as I seem to only get the courtesy "hey, you've used 65% of your data" message three or four days before the cycle rolls over for the next month. So go me? Keep on keeping on, I guess.

Something, I suppose has to go to the wayside amid all this progress, and I guess the only thing that qualifies is the state of my living space. Being all OMGBEADS or OMGPROGRAMWORKTHING every waking minute of my not!work time does not leave much room for scrubbing and vacuuming. It's about all I can manage to keep our room reasonably picked up and the bed made, but the whole damn house needs about of week of concentrated scrubbing, dusting, throwing away and reorganizing. Can't exactly deal with it right now, but It Is There. Waiting. Must. Clean. All. The Things.

And what do we say to the god of cleaning? Not today.

Aint no rest for the wicked though. The beads call.