It's a nice day to START AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN

Its been so damn long since I've started from page one on anything that I've forgotten how to do it. I was never good at it, truth be told - my early paper journals tended to start with a reintroduction to the cast of characters meandering through my life, much like the continuing books in series often did in case the reader joins the story "already in progress." In later years I grew to see how silly that was and cut it out. But it does kinda leave me at a loss for how to start a whole new journal. Especially given that it's been... what, six years since I've done this for real (auxillary journals don't count)? Not that peeking at the actual first entry of kjpepper is any help, lol.

I suppose I did say why I started it. I could start there... I pretty much needed a fresh start. I didn't want to kill or devalue the six years of experience, joy and sorrow bound up in the ones and zeros of kjpepper. But I also don't really want to carry it all around with me, so to speak. I'm trying to shed previous conceptions of myself and let go of some things to make room for other things going in my life right now... and it's hard going, cause I'm kind of a mental pack rat and hold onto everything... and then I become that junkyard lady in Labyrinth, lol. Some of this shit you gotta let go and leave behind in order to move forward. But much like Sarah's toys at the end of the aforementioned movie, they're still there.... "should you need us."

Plus, like I said before... I've outgrown my handle. I can't really fathom how much of a different person I was merely a year ago, much less six. Hell... much less 12. I've been kinda operating under this general ID since college. So... here we are.

I'm going to try to be a lot braver in this journal. One of the things I found myself falling into was being far too conscious of the other people I'm taking with me on this guided tour of my head... and eventually what happened was something akin to not letting the company beyond the foyer and the living room due to being embarrassed about the state of the house. Except... the house really ain't that bad. So... less self-censoring I think. I've always admired people who could just lay it all out, live out loud, warts, crazy and all. Admired and envied, as I'm always on some level convinced that something horrid will happen if I let people see too much or let them in too far. Going hand in hand with that is a desire to consolidate... I've got five journals currently going - this one, the other one, the one no one gets to see but me (and occasionally the specially dispensed all access pass good for a limited time only), and the two journals I started due to possible TMI. Screw that. I'm tired of compartmentalizing. I'll probably lock and filter some of the raunchier stuff, but not feeling the need to keep all of that tucked away under yet another pseudonym... y'all know I'm kind of a twisted kinky freak by now, I'm sure anyone who couldn't deal with that has already gone flying for the hills, lol.

Still with me? lol good.

So yeah... I guess, this will still be me... just hopefully a bit more bravery and boldness and a few less youtube vids in lieu of actual posts.

Well. First post hurdle effectively crossed... time to say goodbye to Prince Abooboo wrap up kjpepper, sleep and then to figure out how to make tomorrow full of win and awesome as opposed to only bleh and melty. Goddamn summer. :P I think purchasing a box fan may be on the agenda.

It's a nice day to START AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN

Its been so damn long since I've started from page one on anything that I've forgotten how to do it. I was never good at it, truth be told - my early paper journals tended to start with a reintroduction to the cast of characters meandering through my life, much like the continuing books in series often did in case the reader joins the story "already in progress." In later years I grew to see how silly that was and cut it out. But it does kinda leave me at a loss for how to start a whole new journal. Especially given that it's been... what, six years since I've done this for real (auxillary journals don't count)? Not that peeking at the actual first entry of kjpepper is any help, lol.

I suppose I did say why I started it. I could start there... I pretty much needed a fresh start. I didn't want to kill or devalue the six years of experience, joy and sorrow bound up in the ones and zeros of kjpepper. But I also don't really want to carry it all around with me, so to speak. I'm trying to shed previous conceptions of myself and let go of some things to make room for other things going in my life right now... and it's hard going, cause I'm kind of a mental pack rat and hold onto everything... and then I become that junkyard lady in Labyrinth, lol. Some of this shit you gotta let go and leave behind in order to move forward. But much like Sarah's toys at the end of the aforementioned movie, they're still there.... "should you need us."

Plus, like I said before... I've outgrown my handle. I can't really fathom how much of a different person I was merely a year ago, much less six. Hell... much less 12. I've been kinda operating under this general ID since college. So... here we are.

I'm going to try to be a lot braver in this journal. One of the things I found myself falling into was being far too conscious of the other people I'm taking with me on this guided tour of my head... and eventually what happened was something akin to not letting the company beyond the foyer and the living room due to being embarrassed about the state of the house. Except... the house really ain't that bad. So... less self-censoring I think. I've always admired people who could just lay it all out, live out loud, warts, crazy and all. Admired and envied, as I'm always on some level convinced that something horrid will happen if I let people see too much or let them in too far. Going hand in hand with that is a desire to consolidate... I've got five journals currently going - this one, the other one, the one no one gets to see but me (and occasionally the specially dispensed all access pass good for a limited time only), and the two journals I started due to possible TMI. Screw that. I'm tired of compartmentalizing. I'll probably lock and filter some of the raunchier stuff, but not feeling the need to keep all of that tucked away under yet another pseudonym... y'all know I'm kind of a twisted kinky freak by now, I'm sure anyone who couldn't deal with that has already gone flying for the hills, lol.

Still with me? lol good.

So yeah... I guess, this will still be me... just hopefully a bit more bravery and boldness and a few less youtube vids in lieu of actual posts.

Well. First post hurdle effectively crossed... time to say goodbye to Prince Abooboo wrap up kjpepper, sleep and then to figure out how to make tomorrow full of win and awesome as opposed to only bleh and melty. Goddamn summer. :P I think purchasing a box fan may be on the agenda.

Oh Flatbush Ave. Never change bb.

A few random notes on the shopping trip I just returned from:

I think my next craft project is going to be another book. This time a journal. I'll document it this time, no worries. ;) I also think I may give one to the girl who works the copy center at Staples - she was so impressed by how the last one came out that I had to stop in today to tell her that it reached the intended target and was well received. :) Course I need to figure out where to get thin cardboard... there's only so far one shoebox can go.

Jamaican/Guyanese beef patties may be the best thing on earth for under a dollar. I remember hating them as a kid, and now I think I was crazy.

I should not be this happy about finally replacing my Stop & Shop card.

They're really mourning Michael hardcore out here. And by mourning, I mean the street bootleggers have completely replaced their stock with his CDs and DVDs, and you can't spit without hitting some guy with knee length dreadlocks selling framed pictures of him at every stage of his life out of a panel van. That and EVERY store I went into today was either playing "Rock with You" or "Wanna be Starting Something." I AM NOT EXAGGERATING. Every single one. Not to mention everyone's hawking MJ t-shirts... for a few seconds I wondered where I took the wrong turn into 1989.

Speaking of dreads - they do look rather surprisingly super fantastic on buff Asian skateboarders... *fans self* Just saying.

Mmm, cheap hoochie fashion.... Next time I have a spare C-note, I need to do some serious shopping... I saw more of those sundresses today priced at $20. Plus I need sandals, shorts and cargo pants.

One bad thing about the Ave... need a lace front wig and a keg of extra strength hair relaxer? I can point you to like fourteen different places. Not so much if what you need is a replacement showerhead for the 3rd floor bathroom.


and now, dishes. And maybe a tennis roll.

Oh Flatbush Ave. Never change bb.

A few random notes on the shopping trip I just returned from:

I think my next craft project is going to be another book. This time a journal. I'll document it this time, no worries. ;) I also think I may give one to the girl who works the copy center at Staples - she was so impressed by how the last one came out that I had to stop in today to tell her that it reached the intended target and was well received. :) Course I need to figure out where to get thin cardboard... there's only so far one shoebox can go.

Jamaican/Guyanese beef patties may be the best thing on earth for under a dollar. I remember hating them as a kid, and now I think I was crazy.

I should not be this happy about finally replacing my Stop & Shop card.

They're really mourning Michael hardcore out here. And by mourning, I mean the street bootleggers have completely replaced their stock with his CDs and DVDs, and you can't spit without hitting some guy with knee length dreadlocks selling framed pictures of him at every stage of his life out of a panel van. That and EVERY store I went into today was either playing "Rock with You" or "Wanna be Starting Something." I AM NOT EXAGGERATING. Every single one. Not to mention everyone's hawking MJ t-shirts... for a few seconds I wondered where I took the wrong turn into 1989.

Speaking of dreads - they do look rather surprisingly super fantastic on buff Asian skateboarders... *fans self* Just saying.

Mmm, cheap hoochie fashion.... Next time I have a spare C-note, I need to do some serious shopping... I saw more of those sundresses today priced at $20. Plus I need sandals, shorts and cargo pants.

One bad thing about the Ave... need a lace front wig and a keg of extra strength hair relaxer? I can point you to like fourteen different places. Not so much if what you need is a replacement showerhead for the 3rd floor bathroom.


and now, dishes. And maybe a tennis roll.