anagramofbrat | It's a nice day to START AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN

Its been so damn long since I've started from page one on anything that I've forgotten how to do it. I was never good at it, truth be told - my early paper journals tended to start with a reintroduction to the cast of characters meandering through my life, much like the continuing books in series often did in case the reader joins the story "already in progress." In later years I grew to see how silly that was and cut it out. But it does kinda leave me at a loss for how to start a whole new journal. Especially given that it's been... what, six years since I've done this for real (auxillary journals don't count)? Not that peeking at the actual first entry of

kjpepper is any help, lol.

I suppose I did say why I started it. I could start there... I pretty much needed a fresh start. I didn't want to kill or devalue the six years of experience, joy and sorrow bound up in the ones and zeros of

kjpepper. But I also don't really want to carry it all around with me, so to speak. I'm trying to shed previous conceptions of myself and let go of some things to make room for other things going in my life right now... and it's hard going, cause I'm kind of a mental pack rat and hold onto everything... and then I become that junkyard lady in Labyrinth, lol. Some of this shit you gotta let go and leave behind in order to move forward. But much like Sarah's toys at the end of the aforementioned movie, they're still there.... "should you need us."

Plus, like I said before... I've outgrown my handle. I can't really fathom how much of a different person I was merely a year ago, much less six. Hell... much less 12. I've been kinda operating under this general ID since college. So... here we are.

I'm going to try to be a lot braver in this journal. One of the things I found myself falling into was being far too conscious of the other people I'm taking with me on this guided tour of my head... and eventually what happened was something akin to not letting the company beyond the foyer and the living room due to being embarrassed about the state of the house. Except... the house really ain't that bad. So... less self-censoring I think. I've always admired people who could just lay it all out, live out loud, warts, crazy and all. Admired and envied, as I'm always on some level convinced that something horrid will happen if I let people see too much or let them in too far. Going hand in hand with that is a desire to consolidate... I've got five journals currently going - this one, the other one, the one no one gets to see but me (and occasionally the specially dispensed all access pass good for a limited time only), and the two journals I started due to possible TMI. Screw that. I'm tired of compartmentalizing. I'll probably lock and filter some of the raunchier stuff, but not feeling the need to keep all of that tucked away under yet another pseudonym... y'all know I'm kind of a twisted kinky freak by now, I'm sure anyone who couldn't deal with that has already gone flying for the hills, lol.

Still with me? lol good.

So yeah... I guess, this will still be me... just hopefully a bit more bravery and boldness and a few less youtube vids in lieu of actual posts.

Well. First post hurdle effectively crossed... time to ~~say goodbye to Prince Abooboo~~ wrap up

kjpepper, sleep and then to figure out how to make tomorrow full of win and awesome as opposed to only bleh and melty. Goddamn summer. :P I think purchasing a box fan may be on the agenda.