Family Waaaaaaangst

[anagramofbrat]

In addition to various work related CSS woes and casting a very dubious eye on the OMG ITS GONNA WHITESHIT TOMORROW reports, I have spent much of today emailing two of the Valkyries regarding FINALLY getting some broadband internet of our own at The House. It's one of those things where I'm psyched it's getting done, but sad about the circumstances spurring the action, and somewhat panicking about the implications of it, as, though it hasn't been explicitly said, I know a large portion of why this is being done now is to get me specifically down to the city to look after Dad more than just an errant weekend here and there. Which I'm fine with, honestly, and having internet WILL help me go home and not have to leave in 24 hours because I feel cut off from everything and everybody there. I'm just stressing about the rearrangement to my schedule and plans for the year this will entail, because I highly despise sudden changes like this, even though I know they will ultimately be for the better or had to happen anyway. But yeah, long story short, a lot more time spent in New York is in my immediate future, and I'm honestly unable to get a handle on how I feel about that. Well, if anything, it will make getting my car back on the road a priority, as having to do this sort of thing around Peter Pan's schedule is going to kill my soul.

This is also dredging up some leftover angst from Christmas about the dissonance between what I consider priorities and what The Fam does - 'course they're all pretty heavily old school in their blood being thicker than water mentalities and never really could get their heads around my commitments to other people outside throughout my life - it's one of the major reasons why there is a very clear divide/distance between what goes on in MA and what goes on in NY and why I'm pretty disinclined to let them mix much. The events of 2007-2009 have not helped in that they've quite thoroughly underscored their point that it is worthless considering anyone other than blood "family" as despite what people profess, they always have the option of leaving and "real family" doesn't, and they are on some level quite confused as to why I haven't gotten that message after the Amoeba melted down. Meanwhile I'm over here thinking "why the hell do you think I'm still having fucking issues over it?" This sort of thing wasn't helped by Dad making a tactless comment during Christmas about the amount of time and energy I'm currently spending on "a couple of people that aren't your problem," which is something that continues to fuck with me three weeks later, because that sort of shit hurts on a level I can't shake. I realize his greater point was to focus on getting my own ass together more until it happens, but he has this way of expressing things in the most damaging way possible sometimes.

So yeah, I mean, you guys know about my problems with measures of life success and my own feelings of coming up short no matter which one I use. This is never more true than with dealing with them, so I generally don't unless, to be completely frank, I need something. Unflattering and pretty selfish, but true. So it's kind of little wonder that the prospect of having to "go home" more this year is kinda making me want a nice large bottle of vodka and a 20 piece box of McNuggets.

Was there a declaration made somewhere that this is apparently Family Angst Season? because wtf, seriously, you guys, it's not just me.

Comments

[htl-1126.livejournal.com]

Don't get me even started on family angst. It all sucks, a lot. And what your dad said really is pretty scummy. It doesn't matter if people are your problem or not you love them and that makes them important and it makes them family. I wish my mother could get that too, but she is pretty much just like your family. Uggh, people suck.

[bellarisa.livejournal.com]

Y'know, when a monogamous marriage crashes and burns, the way over 50% of them do, you never hear "I KNEW IT, that's what they get for not being poly!"; yet when Amoeba-type tribes end, for whatever reason, the Mundanes and Muggles in our lives immediately point to our different way of being as the culprit to all our problems. All I know is that my personal Tribe has never abused me, never stolen money from me regardless of the dire consequences to my life, and never made me feel as though I was just plain less-than. Blood family, *immediate* blood family, has done all of those and then some. Whatever.

[gwenlianna.livejournal.com]

I'm in Mordo... Northeast Jersey, if you feel the need for non-familial company when you're down this way. Also... chosen family absolutely counts as family. I have a whole lot less to hide from them in fact.

[masteradept.livejournal.com]

"a couple of people that aren't your problem,"
Whom was Pops referring to?

[anagramofbrat.livejournal.com]

*points*

[masteradept.livejournal.com]

...Maybe you need to explain to him that you and Drew are a couple...and his kids are you kids. This is not a new thing at all and in the old days the kids would be part of your family already. Don't make me have to bring up how it is everywhere else but with most Haole families.

[anagramofbrat.livejournal.com]

Eh. Honestly in terms of Dad Wank this is small potatoes. And trying to explain things to Dad that don't involve tech usually ends in flames.

[jeanettez.livejournal.com]

Yours and your dad's relationship reminds me in some ways of Mythmaster's and his mother's. You will never regret (later) that you spent time with him, although you may regret it at the time. :) Good luck!!

[nireena.livejournal.com]

y'know, NYC is a relatively short and painless train ride from my area. if at some point your in the city and want some non-family company, let me know and i can pop up there for a day trip.