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1. What has been the most pleasantly surprising about being a step-parent, and what has been the most frustrating/aggravating?
pleasant/surprising: These kids are pretty chill with the idea that they have four grown-ups that love them all silly and are pretty damn secure with that. Also the bit where said four grownups, despite tension and drama and differences can actually be in the same space and continue to act like adults. Anna and I might have our differences, but I know how rare it is when mom and stepmom actually get along and most days are even friendly. Also it freaks Drew out. XD kidding aside, it probably helps a lot that I was friends with both of them pre-divorce.
frustrating/aggravating: there's only so much influence you have. Both because you're not actually a "PARENT" but also because you only see them 2 days out of every 14. Still, work with what you've got and make it count. That 1/7 time does matter.
2. If familial obligations were not an issue at all, what would you actually want for your wedding (ie: if you could elope, would you, where, etc)?
It's less a family thing and more of a money, time and spoons thing. Sometimes I just want to say fuck it, lets go to city hall and then fuck off to Disney World. Some days I look at the nebulous thing I'm planning and think, no, this actually is exactly what I want.
3. It's the sort of thing I've wondered, but it seems too delicate to just randomly ask: What's your actual situation/agreement with regard to poly stuff? Did you find the getting married planning stuff has made any impact on that?
I almost feel like this question requires its own post cause of course it's complicated. But it seems to pretty much be deal with each situation as it comes up and keep the channels of communication wide open - lots of checking in and full disclosure. It's only been actually tested a couple of times within the last year, and other than a few rough edges that need to be polished off (mostly ex-related poly drama that needs to be taken into consideration), it seems to be working out for us. Oddly enough having the openness tested actually underscored the relationship rather than undermined it, which led to us getting engaged. I don't think much'll change once things get all legal up in here.
God, though, it is so NICE to be approaching poly from a place of complete security and trust though. That's a new thing for both of us.
4. Biggest pet peeve.
Three way tie between people chewing with their mouths open, not using directionals/blinkers/turn signals, and smoking inside enclosed outdoor places like bus shelters. I can't decide which makes me want to stabbity more.
5. If you had to choose one event in your life to live over and do completely different (fate of the world! and all) which would you chose, and what would you do differently?
Nothing too drastic or devastating, but I think I would do a lot of 2009 differently. Not in terms of what happened or where I ended up, but in terms of finance handling and decisions made in emotional rashness. I would NOT have moved in with Cara, for one, that whole situation was such a disaster and my wallet and credit rating are going to be hurting from that for a long ass time.
pleasant/surprising: These kids are pretty chill with the idea that they have four grown-ups that love them all silly and are pretty damn secure with that. Also the bit where said four grownups, despite tension and drama and differences can actually be in the same space and continue to act like adults. Anna and I might have our differences, but I know how rare it is when mom and stepmom actually get along and most days are even friendly. Also it freaks Drew out. XD kidding aside, it probably helps a lot that I was friends with both of them pre-divorce.
frustrating/aggravating: there's only so much influence you have. Both because you're not actually a "PARENT" but also because you only see them 2 days out of every 14. Still, work with what you've got and make it count. That 1/7 time does matter.
2. If familial obligations were not an issue at all, what would you actually want for your wedding (ie: if you could elope, would you, where, etc)?
It's less a family thing and more of a money, time and spoons thing. Sometimes I just want to say fuck it, lets go to city hall and then fuck off to Disney World. Some days I look at the nebulous thing I'm planning and think, no, this actually is exactly what I want.
3. It's the sort of thing I've wondered, but it seems too delicate to just randomly ask: What's your actual situation/agreement with regard to poly stuff? Did you find the getting married planning stuff has made any impact on that?
I almost feel like this question requires its own post cause of course it's complicated. But it seems to pretty much be deal with each situation as it comes up and keep the channels of communication wide open - lots of checking in and full disclosure. It's only been actually tested a couple of times within the last year, and other than a few rough edges that need to be polished off (mostly ex-related poly drama that needs to be taken into consideration), it seems to be working out for us. Oddly enough having the openness tested actually underscored the relationship rather than undermined it, which led to us getting engaged. I don't think much'll change once things get all legal up in here.
God, though, it is so NICE to be approaching poly from a place of complete security and trust though. That's a new thing for both of us.
4. Biggest pet peeve.
Three way tie between people chewing with their mouths open, not using directionals/blinkers/turn signals, and smoking inside enclosed outdoor places like bus shelters. I can't decide which makes me want to stabbity more.
5. If you had to choose one event in your life to live over and do completely different (fate of the world! and all) which would you chose, and what would you do differently?
Nothing too drastic or devastating, but I think I would do a lot of 2009 differently. Not in terms of what happened or where I ended up, but in terms of finance handling and decisions made in emotional rashness. I would NOT have moved in with Cara, for one, that whole situation was such a disaster and my wallet and credit rating are going to be hurting from that for a long ass time.
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Date: 2012-03-22 02:22 pm (UTC)From:I would be interested to learn more about how you make a poly relationship work. It's something my husband brought up several months ago and while my initial response was to totally shut it down, after spending a long time pondering on it I feel like I should at least learn more first, but I don't know anyone personally in this situation. Anyway, if you DO ever decide to do a separate post for it, you've got an audience ;)
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Date: 2012-03-22 02:36 pm (UTC)From: