anagram of brat

harinezumi and htl_1126 are awesome for two completely different and yet no less helpful reasons. one involved rare dead thing and the other involved a website commission. Both were timely and needed.

Poked at the page of strange haiku some more. Reread a bunch. Some of that shit is hilarious. Even when it's taking shots at me.

spent a lovely evening at extrajoker's, catching up, hanging out and crafting. aersi's getting a birthday present, muuuuhahahaha. Also watched Zombieland, which was full of the ridiculously humorous. aaaaahahahaha twinkies. Must do that again soon. The crafting hangouts, that is. Now that I know how to get to her place without taking three wrong turns.

still wicked amused that I'm dangling my network antenna out my window and picking up a few networks I happen to have keys for. It's like fishing for internet! Boobyhaven should be back online tomorrow though. But it's good not to have to go to bed with email unchecked. Yes, I AM that addict, why do you ask? Also I love this neighborhood.

Wiped out like whoa; might have had something to do with the unexpected awakening at 4am this morning... >:) Gonna post this, go the hell to bed, and fall over comatose for a few hours... good night internet.

Been working from home all week. Car stuff and anxiety issues acting up are not cute. Kinda wigging out because I do have an appointment with the head-doc today and if I were gonna take the bus I should have left half an hour ago. Here's hoping Hanzo behaves. *sigh* I have not the faintest idea how I'm going to magically pull money out of my ass for it next week, but Hanzo is going in on Monday for oil/lube/strut; I've put it off long enough. :/

I went over to delerium_deva, et al's to play Rock Band last night. I forget how much I actually like playing it. renegadethumper's huge ass song library don't hurt none either.

Getting stuff done... slowly, fractiously... but they're happening. I am aware, however, that some things are getting done because I'm stressing/procrastinating from other stuff. I have tonight to myself, I am hoping to get some of that shit addressed. Hopefully. I don't know.

Stress sucks. Money sucks. My intestines suck. The weather after several days of warm and delicious, sucks. Kerfoo. Still, I can't complain _all_ the time. Some good hangouts with people have been had, and this past week I've been kind of spoiled in the time department by the boyfriend, his insistence on repeatedly singing various bits and versions of "Amazing Horse" notwithstanding. I am consistently amazed and amused by how much genuine affection I can stuff into a sentence like "I'm going to strangle you in your sleep." :)

I've quit putting stuff in my coffee again. Y'all know how I can't stand how milk tastes by itself; overcreamed coffee three mornings in a row has pretty much soured me on it for now. There is something refreshingly honest about plain unadorned black coffee, much like plain tea or neat vodka. I'm not sure why I keep waffling between overloading my morning cup of sanity with enough cream and sugar to defeat the most stubborn and stalwart of pancreases, and completely forgoing it altogether, but hey, it's not the first quirk in my personality, it won't be the last.

Still really want Stop and Shop chocolate chip cookies. Depending on my finances tomorrow (oh pay day) maybe I'll indulge and get some.

This is more of a sure, what the hell sort of thing rather than an actual sort of gimme gimme gimme list. I don't really need things this Christmas, in fact the older I get the more hard pressed I am to think of things that I want when people ask me. Part of me thinks the very idea of this meme is appallingly self-indulgent and kinda first-world privilegey, but at the same time...

Lets put it this way, and this is something I've learned the hard way, and am in some ways still in the process of learning. Sometimes everything you could possibly desire can be yours for the taking and keeping, but all that stands between you and having it is the courage to even want said item, let alone ask for it. And we won't even get into the idea of deserving whatever it is - look. I see people get what they want every damn day that I don't feel deserve it... and yet I spend an appalling amount of time feeling like I don't deserve a lot of what I already have, let alone what I want. So for now... I'm going to fuck self-indulgent in the ear and do this.

Step One:

Make a post (public, friendslocked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your LJ. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fun ("I'd love a Snape/Hermione icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

If you wish for real possible things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.

Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ, or link to this post so that the holiday joy will spread.

Step Two

Surf around your friendslist (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:

If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use -- or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free -- do it. Once a wish has been granted, it will be crossed off the list. (ETA: Unless it's something more than one person can do.)

You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf -- to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not -- it's your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just ... wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

My Ten Wish Items

1) I am supremely bad about reaching out to folks, whether its for help or for hangouts. A lot of it is because despite my demeanor I'm a stupid shy person and also have this constant feeling of being a bother to people. Also? Lazy. So if you feel like you haven't seen me for a while, drop me a line of some sort and be all like "Hey! I haven't seen you for a while. Can we hang out/do something/blah blah blah?" and if not today, when? And make sure I actually either get up off my ass or make a date to go out with/come see you. Like nag me until I put it into my google calendar and shit. Cause if we leave it open ended it ain't gonna happen.

2) The obligatory pimping of my Amazon Wish lists, freshly ranked by priority. Like seriously anything ranked highest right now will probably earn you undying love and a permanent place in my pantheon of terrestrial divinity.

3) A couple things that are not on that list... Because we alternated who got to buy the next books in any book series we were collecting, I decided it would be easier if Carole just took all of the hardcover volumes of Kushiel's Legacy and Harry Potter we had collected over the years. With the exception of Kushiel's Dart, I now have none of them in my library and would dearly love to fix this someday. (ETA: Actually I just remembered that over Thanksgiving I swiped the random extra copy of Goblet of Fire that was lying around Dad's since it came out. It might have been Mom's.) Trouble is finding these guys in hardcover these days is a little tricky, and I love both series enough to want them in something a little more durable than mass market paperback. Also, two other series I'm hurting for since the breakup are Octavia Butler's Xenogenesis series, Simon Green's Forest Kingdom/Hawk and Fisher novels, Garth Nix's Sabriel/Lirael/Abhorsen and Lois McMaster Bujold's Vorkosigan Saga, but those are okay in paperback. I've started re-collecting the Vorkosigan Saga - have up to Miles, Mystery and Mayhem.

4) Windows 7, or at least someone brave enough to take me through backing up my shit, wiping my hard drive, and reinstalling XP on EPeen. He's running slower and slower these days and considering he's got 4 gigs of ram in there that is unacceptable, especially since at some point I want to play like, actual games on him again. While we're at computer stuff, I could sorely use printer ink as well. (ETA: I have an Epson Stylus C84.)

5) I'm still slowly getting the hang of staying on top of my money and by that I mean I am at the point where I'm still failing at it. Well not totally, everything's more or less getting paid only a little late. Omnipresent student loan debt aside (I'm going to be paying that shit off until I die at this rate) I'm about 7.5K in the hole on top of my usual paycheck to paycheck shit. I know that seems like a piddling amount of debt considering some of the horror stories I've heard with people racking up tens of thousands. But yeah... this has been the most expensive year of my life, and yeah, I probably could have handled my money better in the past few years, but I'm still shitty at it by myself. So yeah. I has a paypal account at kjpepper @ gmail, feel free to throw anything you want to throw in there.

6) A camera tripod and possibly a better zoom lens. (ETA: The Hatemonger is a Nikon D40.) I fully intend on working on photography next year (thinking about actually doing that picture a day thing in 2010), and having the tripod would help a LOT.

7) Handwritten letters. I LOVE being written to. Cards, postcards, pages long rambles about life the universe and everything... I miss getting letters, and nothing makes me happier than getting a piece of mail that doesn't involve someone trying to sign me up for a credit card or a bill. And you want to join that illustrious club of Good Mail along with Netflix and EW, don't you? And yes, I WILL write you back. Address is in this post; if you can't see it, drop me an email at bottledgoose at gmail.

8) Make me a "mixtape." I've got accounts at last.fm and blip, and I may cave in and sign up for iLike too so feel free to make me a playlist, or make me a youtube playlist and send me a link. Or come over to my house with a thumbdrive full of stuff to plunk onto my iPod. As someone who tends to slave and obsess over any sort of music concoction I brew for other people, I promise I will listen to every song. Also I accept the more traditional CDs or tapes, seeing as I have means to play both at home and in the car. Seriously, some of my more treasured things are CDs and tapes people have made me over the years.

9) I guess since I've run out of Things I Want that are even remotely grantable I guess this is where I can go absolutely ridiculous, huh? Well, my dream house is still on the market, and it's come down by $400K, so its now available for the totally affordable price of $900K. Plus tax. Just sayin! ;)

10) Okay but seriously now? One ridiculous fucked up out there wish? $15K. There is something I want pretty terribly that costs about that much, and I don't think there is any way in Satan's warm and spicy hell I'll ever be able to scrape it all up at once in any kind of timely manner even if I eat nothing but Maruchan Insta-noodles for the next five years. (speaking of which, what the hell, they don't make the cheese flavors of it anymore? I used to love that shit.) And no, it's not a new car i love my Hanzo-san DON'T BLASPHEME. And it's not a new pair of tits, or several kilos of premium cocaine, or a diamond studded ass plug or platinum corsets designed by Haus of Gaga for my AG dolls, though those ideas would all be hilarious. Trust me on this.

</self-indulgent holiday stuff>


On unrelated notes, I had a very good weekend. This may or may not have had something to do with spending the majority of it with cell23, though goddamn having a still healing mouth thing is incredibly frustrating as hell for not being able to do... certain things. Oh well, the meds I got on Friday certainly seem to be helping with that, even if wth, I haven't had to take sickeningly sweet liquid medicine by the teaspoonful since I was Kidzilla's age. I don't know, I feel like once you get all your permanent teeth all your meds are belong to us should have the decency to come in pill format. And barring that, at least be a level of gross-tasting befitting advanced years. Oh well. It's working, despite the menthol cherry horribleness. Should be kissable again in a day or two. :)

In other news, freezing rain. D: here's hoping I'll be okay for the drive in tomorrow. Oh well, if not, I'll get interviewed by aersi. Not a bad trade...

Mouth: still gross, but apparently healing - lets just say it looks nasty, but essential things like eating no longer hurt.

Money: Ugh. Thank goodness for sisters, that's all I got to say. (Thanks, Vicki.)

Mental state: It's kinda odd being in a good place headwise for once. I was listening to stuff on my drive down, and Alanis Morrissette's "Thank U" came on. I don't know, I've always kinda liked that song, but this morning I was belting it down 91 feeling like I only just now got what it was saying. I wouldn't say I'm all better, but I can see the progress I've made in the last three months.

Also... as I was driving down the Pike last night, steadily cruising at about 73mph, heat going and Lady Gaga on the box, I don't know, I think myself from seven or eight months ago woke up and was all like WHOA wait a minute you're DRIVING and you're OKAY with this. Considering this was one of those all encompassing Things You Must Learn And Are Terrified By this time last year, this is pretty revelatory. I mean, I don't freak the hell out when passing tractor trailors anymore. Well, okay, the double trailer ones still make me nervous. But yeah, that's pretty wow for me. I think that pretty much applies to a lot of things I was terrified by as little as a couple months ago... and now I'm not.

I forget who I was talking to about this, but they asked why I journal to the point of compulsive... and I think it's always been so I could go back every so often and check my progress bars. Have I improved any from this point last week/month/year? or am I still walking around in circles, walk around in circles, walk around in...? Honestly a lot of what I tended to bitch about in my "offline" journal for the past few years was a sense of doing exactly that. I don't quite feel like that anymore, which is nice. And weird, considering a lot of things are still kind of a mess. But yeah... forward, ho, and all that jazz.

Movies: debating whether I want to go see The Princess and the Frog this weekend. I had originally planned on taking Kidzilla to see it next time they come out, but like most kids she tends to ask a lot of questions about the movie while it's running and I think if I see it first I'll have quite a bit more patience with it that if I'm trying to see it for the first time as well. Anyone interested in doing a late show with me in the next few days?

Mayhem: Thinking of hitting karaoke at Seven-0s weekly between Christmas and the end of Jan-term, since none of the usual suspects will have Thursday morning classes to deal with. Also tempted to borrow my scanner from work and start a few projects this weekend. Still poking at Google Wave (I still have an obscene number of invites) and trying to figure out some practical uses for it; so far I've been mostly using it as a place to dump information on projects I'm thinking about, but may end up using it to plan a war game of some sort. Also gonna try to get to Haven more. Dancing is exercise.

Mushiness: Holy shit it's been a year already? what? (Well next week but STILL.) The squee is strong with this one. :D And still pretty goddamned wonderful.

Epeen has been off for going on 36 hours. This is unusual because I was home during some of that time, lol.

Yesterday was good... busy, even. Starting to rather like the morning challenge of rousting both myself and cell23 out of bed. Motivation to get a jump on the day = very yes. Yesterday was freakishly beautiful and htl_1126 tempted me outside with the prospect of treating me to Tavern burgers (seriously, if you're ever caught down here, go to the Tavern and order one of these, they're pretty quality burgers). Went to the GI for my quarterly poke and prod and blood draw and review of the latest VCE... yeah. My small intestines are still pretty profoundly fucked up, but they are getting better. Slowly.

Came home, read through this week's EW and then finished my book (don't laugh, I was rereading Jackie Collins' Lucky), and then avalon616 came over and we shot the shit while watching Keef&Rachel. I'd developed an allergy to cable news after the summer of having it constantly on and audible throughout the house, but a couple month later I think it's okay to like it again. That and I'm a sucker for a smart, pretty woman in a fiercely tailored business suit. Nom. Hanging with avalon616 was quite excellent. Shit shooting was apparently needed on both ends.

Two weeks without coffee, one without actively seeking out caffeinated beverages. I draw the line at checking to see if my tea's decaf... too much like work. And after finishing the two bottles of soda I brought home from thanksgiving I've pretty much decided I'm off fizzy lifting drinks as well. So far so good, though I've noticed that while my bedtime and lack of sleep habits haven't changed really I am far more likely to doze off during things, especially late at night. Which has been making rewatching The Tudors before bed a bit challenging, lol.

Money continues to be stupid. Or to be entirely accurate, previous stupidity with money continues to bite me in the ass. Ugh. Goal for 2010 - maintain a black balance and if possible start saving again. I've got a good idea of what I need weekly budget wise now, just a matter of sticking to it.

Going nowhere for the weekend, and I am insanely pleased about that. My nebulous plans pretty much amount to vegging out, gymbunnying if I get the motivation, laundry and drukids. More than enough going on, I think.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to claxman, smithie and my niece who doesn't read this!!

Had Fisher Price® My First Oil Change™. Didn't get my ears burnt too much about it being over by either Mr. Quill or captainlove... well, not too badly anyways. *sheepish* Got to poke around and under Hanzo-san with captainlove during it - I was the little girl that used to LOVE going to the mechanic with Mom and making a nuisance of myself while they serviced her Cadillac by peppering them with questions. Kind of amazing I didn't grow up to be more of a gearhead. Not much has changed - I have an oil smudge on the back of my jeans to prove it. Hanzo-san is a hale and hearty old man, however I apparently managed to damage one of my struts this month, so I'll be chucking aside money for that. Also apparently need to keep a weather eye on my transmission fluid.

The shop, BTW, is home to one beautiful cantankerous bitchass of a tomcat who hates everything and everyone and has no use for humans except in a bitch-where's-my-food context. captainlove named him Hefner. Man, I miss cats. Methinks I may have to visit verbena76 and aersi soon for the Bean love.

Came in to the office to find *drum roll* I was still locked out. Went on a Dunks run, as I'd gotten up super early for Hanzo-san's appointment and hadn't eaten and on the way liberated myself of a certain piece of jewelry I recieved three years ago today. Clearing the clutter as it were, and hey, extra gas money = super helpful. Office was open when I got back, have now retrieved keys and officemates' cell numbers in case this sort of thing happens again. Knowing me, it will.

Today - worky worky worky, then home to finish up my room, take out the gazillion boxes my books were in, and vacuum... possibly turn my desk and my bed around, if I'm feeing adventurous enough to do so, we'll see. Possibly also watch the last season of OZ already so I return the damn netflix... and end it by collapsing next to deliciously snuggly male... seems like a good agenda for the rest of today, no?

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Probably give half of it to People and Things (mostly medical) I don't know - breast and ovarian cancer, epilepsy, diabetes, the CCFA, MADD, the Dakin Shelter, Smith (earmarked for Grant and the organs, since he never gets any money), various community programs around my neighborhood... if there's any left over, i'd love to give the rest of it to the group that's trying to save the Loews Kings theater. It's time Flatbush had something like that around again.

The other half probably to People I Do Know, but I'm not going to list them so as not to forget anyone, cause drama, what have you. Lets just say I know quite a few people who could use a bailout.


Today goes on the list for Days I Want Compensation For if there's some sort of reckoning of such things at the end. It wasn't particularly awful for any one reason, but I woke up still achy from the past few days, and as the day progress ended up falling into a funk of headnoise and self doubt/pity/hatred, and watching The Duchess didn't help this. Do not be fooled by Kiera Knightley's smile and beautiful corsets, that movie is depressing. Or at least it depressed the fuck out of me. Between that and the internet dying around the same time, I finally just said fuck this and went back to bed, ended up sleeping through the afternoon. Woke up at least feeling physically better, if not relieved of the self-doubt/pity/hatred monsters.

I hope tonight will be better. It may have to be assisted with either South Park (just started season 9!) or stompy electropop. I'm not sure which. I have been on a serious And One jag lately.

I kinda wish I could downgrade Firefox back from 3.5. I know eventually most sites will catch up to the new standards, but I'm getting rather annoyed at complete twitter.com breakage, not to mention the bit where the tag cloud on the side of my LJ being a tag list... it's a little thing, but man, it's annoying as fuck all.