anagramofbrat: (abi-station)
I really enjoyed my afternoon of pizza, wings and football yesterday afternoon/evening over at the McGurks. We hadn't seen them in a bit, it was shitty outside and the mild bug I'd had last week seems to have moved into my chest to morph into a lovely cough with laryngitis (I sound like a phone sex operator with a 30 year Newport habit right now), plus I had plans to yarn up my head so pretty much the choice was plop on my own couch and watch hours of TV by myself or plop on someone else's couch, eat yummies and watch football with good friends. Yeah, hmm lemme think about that, lol.

blah blah blah sportsballs )

Today I'm spending a quiet Martin Luther King day at home finishing up my hair, cudding cats, nursing my still-shot voice and reflecting on the past year in conjunction with King's legacy. We ain't at the promised land yet, y'all, Much work still needs to be done. I took about half an hour to reread "Letter from a Birmingham Jail" this morning; I invite everyone to do the same. It is quite resonant in the dust of the last year's events, and it's important to really sit down and read King's words as they were written/said and not the easily digested and oft regurgitated soundbites we are spoon fed every January.

*Interestingly, the Pats are the only MA-local team I've adopted as a New York transplant, which is funny because aside from the Cowboys and the fucking R*****ns they seem to be the most hated team in the league. Still here for the Nets, Mets and Rangers tho. I bear the Celtics and the Bruins no ill will but if anything, living in MA has soured me even more on the Red Sox because my GOD their fans. >_< Big Papi could get it, though.
anagramofbrat: (fruitviking)
I'm dicking about with my friends filters for the first time in like, four years. So many names, so many ghosts of people behind them that moved on from LJ. I may go through and cull the folk who haven't been by in a minute.

Wellp. I'm still here. I come out to play less often than not (mostly because my internet life tends to subsist on outside attention and I get more feedback on facebook and twitter than here) but I'm inside, in my basement, poking the endless fires.

anagramofbrat: (little help?)
I got the usual amount of antsy after finishing up the Seuss library a few weeks back so I started a big castle build a ways north of the Library.

cut to spare the UGGGH MINECRAFT types. Also picture heavy. )
anagramofbrat: (lizard happy)
I've been singing that at Kidzilla all day. It's kinda fund watching her instantly run out of can with me.

Another sort of Quick Notes post, I think.

I seem to have recovered from the Great Steroid Mishap okay. Had another day of headache followed by yesterday being extremely irritable, but today I seem to be pretty much okay.

Yesterday was a bad day to be irritable as it was a busy and socially taxing day - we got up super early to head up to Athol and visit with Drew's mom (who seems to be doing much better than she had been) and then later the rest of the Chiassons for collective birthday/anniversary things. On top of that, Wee Beastie was sick, so he was also irritable and whiny about having to go places but once there he tended to curl up in a couch corner and nap. After we got home from that I had the run about, slap makeup on my face and run down to N'Hamp for Bon Appetit Burlesque, which was a huge busy but GOOD show and even though I do stress about making sure everything's running smoothly it almost always does because my stable of competent stage kittens remains awesome, and I must be doing something right because I keep getting complimented on the tight ship I run those nights. Plus come on, it's a burlesque show... I think you have to be precisely my kind of weird to participate in that sort of thing. :) Anyway. Life has been given, lets hope that can sustain me for the month.

Today was much easier, as I think I've leveled out on the hormone front and also it was just a quiet day at home for us and the kidlets, although now Drew is sick with KidPlague to the point where I messaged their mom and G to ask if they'd mind sparing us the drive out. Drew could have made it, I suppose, but it would have been a bad scene and I powerfussed at him when he objected to me going around him to ask. I don't usually get all LET ME TAKE CARE OF YOU DAMN IT but when I feel like I need to, man...

Tonight's plans'll be tying up Friday's work loose ends while watching the hollywood drunkfest that will be the Golden Globes. I AM ASHAMED OF NOTHING.
anagramofbrat: (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd]I've got a fair bit of West Indian in me, so of course I love dancing. :) I don't remember concretely the last time I danced for real (bopping in my desk chair at work doesn't count) but it was probably to amuse the kids or something. Last time I went out dancing was to the local goth night a few months back - I need to do that again soon.
anagramofbrat: (anxious tenna)
I normally have no complaint with CVS, I've been getting my scrips filled there since college, but man, when they fuck up, they fuck up big. Long story short I've been on this runaround cycle of calling one of three CVS pharmacies reasonably local to me, then my GI's office, then calling CVS again, rinse lather, repeat trying to get my steroids refilled this week, and each round of the cycle caused a bit more panic because as of yesterday I was literally out of prednisone and... well, it's not a good thing to miss doses on that, it can make you wicked sick.* Thankfully I've weaned down to 10mg by this point, but that's still enough to fuck you up if you skip it for long enough. Anyway after another round of calling the doc, asking if they'd faxed my scrip in and then calling CVS only to have them tell me they had no scrip order for me in the system, I asked to talk to the pharmacist at the U-Drive store and proceeded to melt down on the phone with him about the Merry-go-round of suck, whereupon he was all "oh gosh, yeah, you shouldn't be off that, here have a few days worth while we get this crap sorted." I realize that's kinda his job, but I think I'd best send him a thank you note anyway.

Alas, I think I cut it to the wire in terms of how long I could "safely" go without: I've had a screaming headache for about half the day, and I'm all twitchy and bleh feeling. Hopefully starting back up again'll fix it, but it was a near thing and I don't like it.

In other news:

Waiting for the bus to work is not cute this week. Especially not when the bus home is always running about 10 minutes late.

I have some feels about work this week too but that's not for an open post.

So much good TV this week that I consistently missed at air time, lol. Last night I did manage to sit down and shotgun Agent Carter and Galavant, both of which were very enjoyable despite being slightly problematic at points. Galavant is just silly charming Medieval Fun-Time World levels of fun, and Agent Carter is also fun but in different Marvel CU sort of ways. (Also see scratching my decopunk itch haaaaaaaaard.) I still have yet to see this week's Sleepy Hollow but I have it on good authority that it's at least going somewhat uphil after the crash and burn fails of various episodes before the hiatus.

Also! I saw Mockingjay pt I with MotherGrimm on Tuesday. I remember being meh on the third book but I feel like the movie extracted the important bits, fleshed them out, and then rearranged them into a fairly compelling couple of hours of intensely LOOK WE ARE AT WAR!" flavored narrative that worked.

Ooop, I want to write more about all kinds of stuff but the sleep train just full speed hit me so it will have to wait. Oh well.
anagramofbrat: (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd]Its kind of a good thing I don't have very much disposable income, otherwise I'd be drowning in American Girl dolls and Hess trucks.
anagramofbrat: (ARBT logo)
Originally posted by [ profile] maschalismos at A cry from the soul, a call for help
UGH. Ok. So, here we go. Long story short, 2014 was the year of medical fuckery and medical bills for me and my health is still pretty much in the shitter. Until the nurses and docs figure out treatment that actually works for me -- last medication for pain and neurological symptoms had me coughing up coagulated blood for a few weeks, that was fun -- my medical bills will continue to climb. I do still have a job...for now, but I am closer than I like to think to having to sell everything I own and. I don't know, honestly? I've hit the level of hopelessness, despair, and panic where thinking is sluggish and brackish.


What I'm fumbling at horribly is this: If anyone is able to give anything, I'd be immensely grateful. No, seriously. Anything. The bank and the hospital will take pennies and so will I.

But only if you're able to give.

Let me repeat that.

Only give money to help me out if you are able to do so without adding undue stress to yourself.

We're all struggling out here, I know my struggle is nowhere near the worst, so please. Please, please, *please* do not put yourself out trying to help me. Rather than donate your money, donate some good energy my way in whatever form that is for you, but only if you have *that* to spare. Trust me, I understand only having enough energy to keep yourself vertical and not falling into traffic, so don't send what you can't spare.

I'm not putting an amount on this because there is no way I'm asking folks for the obscene amount of money I owe the medical establishment. I'll just say again, any little bit will help. If you're able to help, you can donate here or just paypal me at the.lost.maenad AT gmail DOT com.

I hate asking for help or bothering people but I'm running out of options and maybe, just maybe, this long shot will actually bear fruit. Without being a loan with 70% interest.

Please share as, again, any little bit helps. And more little bits from more people help even more.

Now, if you will excuse me, the panic attack I've been stavving off is galloping over the horizon and I really must see to it.

Thank you all for whatever you're able to do.

This post @ DW| Reply @ DW| comment count unavailableComments @ DW
anagramofbrat: (brat)
I think if I had to take away anything from this past holiday season, it's that children think I'm awesome. I'm not saying this to toot my own horn or anything, I'm mostly putting it here for posterity because it's something I forget, and indeed something I thought I'd lost in the nearly two decades since I went away to college. Several things have happened over this past Christmas that have assured me that this is not the case, aside from the constant affirmation of this from Kidzilla and Wee Beastie.

When I went down to see the fam a few weeks back, Nuke thought it would be a grand idea for us all to write letters to each other and had us read them out loud after dinner. Most of us groaned over the exercise and it being my family, a good portion of the letters were loving snarks, but it turned out to be really touching and many of us got to say things to each other that we don't normally. And I think all of us were moved by the letters we got from the younger folk in the family. I got one from Spring this year, and when she read it to me, even though she was doing it in a funny voice... well, here:

Dear Andee,

I apologize for my handwriting, I'm sitting on a train.

So when I found out I got you for my letter, I smiled. There's so much I want to say to you. First, I hope you realize that you made my childhood so perfectly awesome. I remember being young and getting to 47 and the first thing I'd do was race Roy up the stairs to get to your room. You were always so much fun! You had so much patience with me and always hung out with us. It was awesome.

It's amazing that we're all so much older now. Which brings me to my next point. You are by far the best mom in the world and I envy those little critters. Now don't get me wrong, my mom is a serious slice of perfection pie. But I know that you're a mom like no other as well. I'm so pumped because I know your kids will have a childhood full of so much magic, laughter and most importantly, culture. I am so excited to see the awesome people they grow up to be just so you know how great you really are. If I could, I'd send all children to live with you because I know your atmosphere is where children's dreams go to take flight!

So to end my letter, I want to wish you a merry Christmas. I wish you and the family a beautiful New Year. And lastly I thank you. I thank you for all of the love you have given me and I thank you for being you.



Yeah, I nearly cried. Hell, just transcribing it I'm choking up a little bit. One of the things I constantly feel guilty about w/r/t my family is that even though I desperately needed the distance I put between myself and them in college and most of my 20s, it did also mean that I wasn't there nearly enough for my niblings. Considering Dakota was born my freshman year, I feel like I pretty much missed him entirely, and Gabe... ehh, not so much either, though the last few times we've gotten together have been good times, and he's still only 13 so it's not too late there. But I don't know, hearing that I did have a loving positive impact on Spring... It means a lot. I remember I was hitting the road back to MA that night and I was sitting in traffic on the BQE and realizing with horror that I'd left Spring's letter behind, so I called Ruthy to ask her to drop it in the mail for me.

I discount the near constant assurances from Drew that I'm doing right by his short stacks, but I really shouldn't. Between the Thanksgiving trip to New York and their damned awesome Christmas if I do say so myself... I don't know. Even above and beyond that, I think all three of them recognize I'm trying my best with what little time I have with them, rewarded in tight squeezes, still slightly slobbery kisses and Kidzilla telling me I'm awesome. It does make the groaning, stubbornness and Wee Beastie insisting that I must hate him whenever I enforce rules worth it, lol.

Other little stuff that's underscored this to me were interactions with various not-my-kiddos over new years. I finally met [ profile] coureton and [ profile] stormslegacy's baby New Years Eve and again on New Years Day when they surprise showed up for Storytime. My own babycrazy and angst aside, I did spend a fair amount of time specifically doing silly things at him just to get him to burble and grin at me. Which he did. A lot. And [ profile] inle_rah brought her family with her to Storytime as well, which included a toddler (who immediately lit up when we pulled out the bendy racetrack and light-up cars Beastie got for Christmas) and a newly minted teenager into Everything Nerdy who declared me awesome upon learning that I'm into Foxtrot, Calvin and Hobbes, RPGs, videogames and Minecraft. I let him tool around the world I've been building and I think some of my structures about blew his mind. So yeah... that was pretty great as well.

I angst a lot about not having my own spawn, and I'll probably continue to do so on some level, but it's really really REALLY good to know that I did do and am doing right by the kids associated with me and mine. Atmosphere of dreams and magic indeed.
anagramofbrat: (beads)
Well 2015 so far has no personal complaints in it. Not big ones anyway. Even the days leading up to it were good, if a bit crazed, since I spent the several days before new years being all MY GOD PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BE IN MY HOUSE and cleaning. Which is exactly why I think I should throw more parties. My house has not been this shiny and spotless in a very very long time.

Cut for picture-heavy. )
anagramofbrat: (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd]Installments, definitely. I'd also try to get away with telling as few people as possible, because no one needs to know how much money I have, really. Next I'd pay off all my debts, both personal and credit-score affecting. I'd get a good sturdy tank of a new car, set up trusts for my stepkids and niblings, give a chunk of it to various charities, anonymously fund some gofundme type things, and put the rest of it to work for me via investments so me and mine can be comfortable in perpetuity.


Dec. 29th, 2014 10:09 pm
anagramofbrat: (to do list)
I don't really have resolutions going into next year, just Things I Want To Accomplish:

- Take a serious stab at developing Sqwrrl

- Finish "The Seven"

- Another big bead screenshot and maybe some Minecrafty beaded things.

- Nebulous "Better Health" goals, be it just actively taking care of myself, eating better, dragging my ass outside/to the gym again, finally going to see someone about my head problems again, etc etc.

- Go to the big handbell festival con at UMass this summer, and see what may be needed to start a local secular bell/boomwhacker troupe, aside from startup capital (bells be expensive, yo). Not that I don't love the Sunderland group, but I would like to play something non-churchy sometime.

- I'm already slated to reprise my Minecraft burlesque act in April (fair warning for those of you that missed it last September) but I'd like to develop and perform another one, maybe for next Christmas. And maybe do Dr. Sketchy's again if they'll have me, that was way more fun/gratifying than I expected.

Just overall I want to be better this time next year and actively working on What's Next as opposed to running to stand still.
anagramofbrat: (winter holiday)
Christmas has sailed on by, and it was all good. Between the whirlwind day trip down last Saturday to gather around the table at the House with the family, yankee swap up some gifts, and just all be together at home for a day, the bell performaces the day after and on Christmas eve (which mostly went without a hitch, and the big stuff came out pretty perfect) and then Christmas Day first at the Chiassons for Christmas Lasagna, then at aersi and verbena76's for fuck-it-I'm-making-a-Christmas-Ham, and lastly with two short people descending on their piles of gifts like starving crazed weasels after an afternoon at their great-grandparents... yeah it was pretty awesome. Those kids made out like absolute bandits this year - if they were the sort of kids that believed in Santa, I'd have made up some silliness about how his sleigh ran smack into a Nintendo truck. Hooray for a Christmas when Andee and Dad have actual money to spend on it, I suppose, lol.

But yeah IDK, I've had such good holidayish things this month with friends and family. I think I needed a little more Christmas than usual this year to offset health stupid and The-Wider-World-Continues-To-Be-Awful-If-You're-Black shit going on this month. :P I'd been thinking about why I get so into the holidays a lot lately because it seems like the very sort of thing I should disdain, but I don't. I think a lot of it is just handed down from Dad, he loved Christmas so damn much. Like, he'd start planning and shopping in July for it level loved it. So some of it is definitely a little bit of that. Another big chunk of it I think was summed up in this recent Cracked article and echoed in the latest Doctor Who special about how every Christmas is kinda the last one. Not to be dark about it, but... yeah.

Anyway - Two last stops on the Holiday train for me - Wednesday esoteric_scribe is hosting a new years eve gathering, and then Thursday I'm throwing a New Years Day movie marathon. NOT Lord of the Rings. Gods. I have survived a New Years Day of Extended Editions once, that's all anyone needs lol. Instead I present 80s fantasy movies! Ladyhawke! Labyrinth! Legend! Neverending Story! The Princess Bride! So some massive housecleaning is in order for the next couple days lol. And then a long dark, cold January after that. Hooray? :P

Healthwise I'm doing reasonably okay. Still on steroids, but tapering down one little pill per week so New Years Eve I get to go down to three. Considering I started with six... yeah. Survived endoscopy prep (it was somehow not as bad this time around), swallowed a camera, and had the film come back... nothing stupid horrible is going on, just a lot of Crohnsy inflammation, according to my GI, so once I taper completely off the prednisone, I have to go back on Humira. Bleh. Meantime eating actual food is still a revelation, though I have to get on top of the extreme munchies if I want to stay in the nice new winter pants I bought myself last month, and a newfound obsession with Gardetto's Special Request rye chips is not helping lol but OMG they are so good. Essentially, you know the random bread chips they have in bags of Chex Mix and how they're the best things in the bag and oh yeah, they're only like five of them in the bag? yeah these are an ENTIRE BAG of just those and they are DELICIOUS. I curse my husband for finding those, lol.

And now for something completely different: if you haven't seen Into the Woods yet, dear fates. "Agony" just by itself is worth the price of admission and I'm still thinking about it and giggling maniacally. But the rest of it was breathtaking, the cuts were understandable (and not much missed) and overall it was just fan-fucking-tastic. I also can't say enough good things about the two kids that played Little Red and Jack, they nailed it. Want to see it, like 9 more times just so I can get that orchestration through theater speakers again.
anagramofbrat: (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd]Not so much on franchises because modern updates always end up disappointing or start decent but end up horrifying. But individual random things? Tan M&Ms, Hypercolor, the Red Heart rainbow yarn they used to put out before Mexicana, Hi-C Ecto-cooler, and non-gendered LEGO marketing.
anagramofbrat: (little help?)
Finished up that build of the Geisel Library in MCPE today. Jeez, only took, what, a month?

EDIT: wellp that didn't work. Click the picture to see the whole album.

anagramofbrat: (winter holiday)
It's gonna sound like I'm not paying attention to what's going on in the Wider World, but I have been. I'm paying so much attention it's exhausting. So this entry's going to be a complete break from protests, institutional racism, constant terror that one of the boys I know and love are going to be next, childhood idols proving to be monsters, and the amount of Societal Unfair is out there because GODDAMN I need to grasp at a few non-sucky straws of positivity right now and I imagine so do a lot of others reading this. SO. A BREAK.

Steroids are interesting. Aside from a quickness to irritation, I have not ragemonkeyed out on anyone yet, but I have noticed a tendency towards antsiness and hyperactivity. I swear I have been TALKING in CAPITAL LETTERS a lot. Like EVERYTHING is a freaking POWERTHIRST commercial. Well, at least my temporary ENERGY LEGS are being put to good use - this evening I thoroughly cleaned the living room, put the tree up and the stockings out, and managed to organize the downstairs closet a bit - all the better to stuff Pigfucker* and a few other things into it for the holidays.

But anyway. My living room is now gorgeous and clean and I'm no longer ashamed of how it looks from our open window. So woohoo for that. And it finally looks like PROPER CHRISTMAS in there too. Tomorrow I will get a large bow and wrap the door and the couple of presents that I already have, and IT SHALL BEGIN.

Lookit how pretty that is. Ignore Damodar scowling in the back, he's just mad because I forgot to make him a santa hat. Figure he needs one if he's gonna be lurking creepily behind the tree.

I have decided to throw a New Years Day shindig - specifically a movie marathon of 80s storybook fantasy movies. The things I have to resort to to light enough of a fire under my own ass to get my house in order. That said, should be fun. :)

Today... er, yesterday now, marks one year since Dad passed away. I had some feelings about that.

It was a pretty low key kid weekend as both of them were varying degrees of sick (and now so is husbeast) but a good one. They spent a good chunk of it playing Portal 2 on both of our computers, which is kind of amusing to watch. Young nerds, let me show you them.

Saturday was Burlesque night, which was amazing as my stage help for this show were [ profile] aersi and Aradia, dressed as penguins. Because it was a Winter Wonderland show. And maybe the squee fangirl high point of the night was one of my favorite performers dragging me onstage and kissing me quite thoroughly as part of her act. EEEEEEEEEEEEEE. *giggleblush*

Also, I looked damn cute. See how cute I looked? Ho ho ho, motherfuckers.

Not much to be said for the coming week. I have to purchase the kids' presents this week, especially as it turns out we will have them Christmas night. I have a miserable night of endoscopy prep to look forward to on Wednesday followed by a VCE on Thursday. Huzzah. This is especially annoying considering I will be missing a lovely steak dinner courtesy of Husbeast's Christmas office thing, and I do hate to pass up a free steak. Oh well. Maybe after I get the hard drive off on Thursday I'll ask Husbeast to make me one - I like how he makes them best anyway. Yeah... IDK. It's half past midnight and I have work in the morning, let me get off the internet before I internet forever.

* this is what I've named my giant cardboard zombie head from my Minecraft burlesque routine because I swore at it so much during its construction.
anagramofbrat: (nighty night)
Ugggggh this week.

TL:DR : went to the ER on Tuesday night, hijinks ensued, was released )

So about that whole taking better care of myself thing... ~_~
anagramofbrat: (Evil Squirrel (SOON))
[reposted from [ profile] sqwrrl]

Hey look, a long delayed update on this continuously re-shelved project.

I want this thing to at least get one shot of being a thing. The problem with getting this project there essentially lies with number 1: I am currently the only person working on this, most of the game still exists solely in my head, and between the magpie-like distractability and the "why am I even bothering, this is never going to work, it's dumb" doomsday thinking, I have created my own personal development hell.

That needs to stop if the squirrels vs Cherry Bomb struggle is ever going to hit the wider world.

I don't have very much confidence in stuff I create. I think this is a common problem among creative folk - we come to whatever medium we are working in with an attitude of "I am awesome and I am totally going to create an amazing piece that everyone will love." No, we come in with more of an "I am an untalented hack and this will be crap" one instead. The cruel cycle is revealed because much as 90% of us believes the latter there's that tiny 10% that believes or desperately wants to believe in the former. This is why creative people thrive on outside validation and why positive feedback of our stuff fills us with euphoria and the tiniest of criticisms often leads to drinking and repeated singing of "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat worms."

I do not recommend eating worms, by the way. If you are reading this chances are you are not a bird. Worms are not good for you. Stop that.

Anyway, I had a greater point. SQWRRL keeps rearing its head to haunt me, much like many creative things I've vehemently shoved to the back burner. Recently I sat down with the work I'd already done and ran some tests. It could stand some improvement, mostly in database efficiency and security and three (okay, more like six) years out of date website design. (I've been out of the professional game for a while. :/) But in concept and the workability? It's still solid. I also researched a few game design guides as well and the fundamentals of this game are still pretty tight too. Despite all my internal critics, I've half-finished something that's well on its way to being a Decent Thing if I'm brave and committed enough to believe in it a little harder.

I'd say that I guess I want to give it a try, but then the stern disapproval of two pop-culture teachers immediately rise to chide me about how non-committal that statement is, one being Yoda ("Do. Or do not. There is no try.") and the other being Mr. Miyagi ("Walk on one side of road: safe. Walk on other side of road, safe too. Walk in middle of the road, you will be squished like a grape. Do Karate 'yes': safe. Do karate: 'no': also safe. Do karate 'guess so'... squished like grape.")

Let's do this thing.
anagramofbrat: (writing)
Things I need to post about:

The New York Trip
The state of the world, racism, and how depressing it is
A longish essay on some hard realities of being a black stepparent to white children, especially with all this going on
Christmas anxieties and how somehow actually being able to afford some damn gifts is just as hard as trying to get some on a shoestring.
General headnoise, worries, etc.
One year since Dad passed. His birthday was Friday.
SQWRRL and actually working on it again
Other craft projects in the pipe.
Burlesquey stuff.

I really need to get back into the habit of posting every night. Even when there's nothing to write about, really. Then I wouldn't have weeks where everything happens at once and it goes unrecorded.


Nov. 30th, 2014 08:05 pm
anagramofbrat: (NY Gay Pride)
OMG, y'all. Such an exhausting, expensive, WONDERFUL weekend. There will be a picture post later, but I'm too wiped out and lazy to type it up now.

I'll say this though - if anything made me fall in love with New York all over again it was walking around the city during the Christmas season with children.


anagramofbrat: (Default)

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