anagram of brat

The breadmaker is making noises like someone is waterboarding a parakeet and it is MORALLY OUTRAGED by this treatment. I think I've officially been admonished into oiling up the bottom of the bread pan soon.

Also reason #9812734928 I'm looking forward to the move - being able to ask cell23 to be all manly and shit and wrestle the sealed shut yeast jar open for me instead of spending 10 minutes cursing, twisting and yanking at it with my dinky little spider hands. (I got it open, but ow.)

What? it's about the little things, right?

I think even if I hadn't had to leave work for the doc appointment I might have gone home sick anyway. I feel horrible.

( Gross but fun fact )

But yeah, we are definitely spending the rest of the day hiding from the world under every single cover I have, cursing my insides, sipping water, and periodically running to the bathroom to geyser violently from one end or another. Bleg. I really hope I'm better tomorrow.

In other news, I didn't get read the riot act by my GI - in fact he was really nice to me once I explained what had been going on with me in terms of stress and money this year. My homework for now is to see if my insurance will cover getting either/both of my medications in six month lots so I don't run out anymore and since I don't have too much of a problem asking someone back home to cover that if it can be done, we'll go that way. Alas, once I do work that out I've got to start the Humira over from scratch which means one evening shooting myself up in the belly/thigh fats four times... ugh. But that's how it goes. We did discuss putting me back on prednisone, cause it's definitely cheaper than the Humira, but steroids fuck me up so hardcore that I really don't want to get back on them unless I absolutely have to, but considering what I'm going through today I'm on orders to keep him updated both at the end of the week and two weeks from now and if I am indeed not better by either point, back on them I go. He also agreed to personally cover my copay for the visit, which was awesome.

Still, I'm sick now, hating it, and being super self-pitying about my broken meatsack, my finances and a fair amount of lifefail. Also y'all know me, I hate being actually sick enough to have to stop, go to bed and stay there until I feel better. Like right now I'm obsessing over work, dishes and laundry that all need doing, which sucks and is stupid considering if I felt okay I wouldn't be doing any of those things anyway due to lazy. My crazy, let me show you it.

One bit of not so great but I'm kinda secretly glad about it - sick = 15 pounds mysteriously going bye bye. On one hand, any weight fluctuation of more than 5 pounds for me is not a good sign. On the other hand? It's still weight I don't have to worry about losing at some later point and explains why my pants all fit suddenly. Ahh, the fuckupedness of being female in America....

Back to bed now. :(

So apparently the Lost event tonight is a two hour clip show followed by the two and a half hour finale.

Now usually I'd be all over this, cause I'm the nerd that actually watches all the extras on DVD box sets and stuff. But I'm wiped out and crabby and would like to watch Who with the manbeast sometime tonight as well and not really feeling four and a half hours of LOST, even if it is the LAST 4.5 hours ever.

Once again I find myself cursing my lack of DVR.

On the other hand, 4.5 hours trapped in front of the TV does mean I could, theoretically yarn up my hair.

On the other other hand, I could get something else done with the first two hours of that time.

Ugh. Decisions.

Mostly because I haven't used this icon for a while. :)

If today's any indication this is shaping up to be a bad cycle - I've had a persistent headache since yesterday, not to mention the usual cramps and digestive side-effects. Also see emotional stability on the fritz, page 387. Figured I'd give everyone fair warning to flee in terror, and forgive me if you hear me cursing your quickly disappearing backs. Couple this with the fact that I've been on a steadily worsening depression spike since, oh Wednesday (may or may not be related), and yeah. Bitch of it all is I can't soothe myself with either ibuprofen or my usual I'm-eating-this-don't-you-judge-me food owing to intestinal 'splode potential. *sigh* really, if this continues, I'm going to ask my gyn next week about the practical ramifications of ripping out the whole apparatus entirely, since it serves me no practical purpose other than causing me various forms of pain.

So far the snow is wet, nonsticky and heavy with disappointment. I suppose this is good considering in about an hourish I take off from the office to Worcester to see Dr. Cave and non-slippery Pike is good Pike. Still, dreary bleak weather is doing nothing for my overall mood/outlook on life/what have you. *sigh* Thank heavens for shrink appointment on Monday, eh?

Kitchen shears are wonderful things when you're too lazy to cut up chicken with normal knives. Snippety snip snip snip oh hai, lookit, cut up chicken bits! and hay, leftovers for today, if I get a chance to eat them in amid running hither and yon all over Massachusetts today.

In side news, Netflix streaming is a wonderful thing sometimes if you need the sort of television you can leave on and idly listen to without really having to pay too much attention. I just got through a PBS documentary on the history of Broadway from the Ziegfeld Follies to Wicked. Shit, I miss Broadway. Mom loved showtunes more than a gay florist, so I was pretty much raised on it, and there was the insane wonderful season around 1989 or so where somehow we managed to hit every major production playing. And of course there's a part of me that still feels a little betrayed that after years of stating "Now and Forever" Cats actually closed, making forever roughtly equivelant to 18 years. (you'd think I'd have learned something about the changeable nature of forever from that.) Bah. I did want to see it again sometime. I honestly haven't seen anything new in a very long while (try pre-RENT), and I do want to see The Lion King and Wicked at some point. I think one of these weekends I'll go home and then hit up the tkts line.

Anyway, enough woolgathering for the morning. Off to get productive things done before I hit the road.

Russian ice dance tribute to Aborigines offensive to Aborigines




Okay I will say one thing.... red shorts?

ETA: wow the whole idea of this particular contest is lultatically fail.

This is more of a sure, what the hell sort of thing rather than an actual sort of gimme gimme gimme list. I don't really need things this Christmas, in fact the older I get the more hard pressed I am to think of things that I want when people ask me. Part of me thinks the very idea of this meme is appallingly self-indulgent and kinda first-world privilegey, but at the same time...

Lets put it this way, and this is something I've learned the hard way, and am in some ways still in the process of learning. Sometimes everything you could possibly desire can be yours for the taking and keeping, but all that stands between you and having it is the courage to even want said item, let alone ask for it. And we won't even get into the idea of deserving whatever it is - look. I see people get what they want every damn day that I don't feel deserve it... and yet I spend an appalling amount of time feeling like I don't deserve a lot of what I already have, let alone what I want. So for now... I'm going to fuck self-indulgent in the ear and do this.

Step One:

Make a post (public, friendslocked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your LJ. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fun ("I'd love a Snape/Hermione icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

If you wish for real possible things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.

Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ, or link to this post so that the holiday joy will spread.

Step Two

Surf around your friendslist (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:

If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use -- or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free -- do it. Once a wish has been granted, it will be crossed off the list. (ETA: Unless it's something more than one person can do.)

You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf -- to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not -- it's your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just ... wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

My Ten Wish Items

1) I am supremely bad about reaching out to folks, whether its for help or for hangouts. A lot of it is because despite my demeanor I'm a stupid shy person and also have this constant feeling of being a bother to people. Also? Lazy. So if you feel like you haven't seen me for a while, drop me a line of some sort and be all like "Hey! I haven't seen you for a while. Can we hang out/do something/blah blah blah?" and if not today, when? And make sure I actually either get up off my ass or make a date to go out with/come see you. Like nag me until I put it into my google calendar and shit. Cause if we leave it open ended it ain't gonna happen.

2) The obligatory pimping of my Amazon Wish lists, freshly ranked by priority. Like seriously anything ranked highest right now will probably earn you undying love and a permanent place in my pantheon of terrestrial divinity.

3) A couple things that are not on that list... Because we alternated who got to buy the next books in any book series we were collecting, I decided it would be easier if Carole just took all of the hardcover volumes of Kushiel's Legacy and Harry Potter we had collected over the years. With the exception of Kushiel's Dart, I now have none of them in my library and would dearly love to fix this someday. (ETA: Actually I just remembered that over Thanksgiving I swiped the random extra copy of Goblet of Fire that was lying around Dad's since it came out. It might have been Mom's.) Trouble is finding these guys in hardcover these days is a little tricky, and I love both series enough to want them in something a little more durable than mass market paperback. Also, two other series I'm hurting for since the breakup are Octavia Butler's Xenogenesis series, Simon Green's Forest Kingdom/Hawk and Fisher novels, Garth Nix's Sabriel/Lirael/Abhorsen and Lois McMaster Bujold's Vorkosigan Saga, but those are okay in paperback. I've started re-collecting the Vorkosigan Saga - have up to Miles, Mystery and Mayhem.

4) Windows 7, or at least someone brave enough to take me through backing up my shit, wiping my hard drive, and reinstalling XP on EPeen. He's running slower and slower these days and considering he's got 4 gigs of ram in there that is unacceptable, especially since at some point I want to play like, actual games on him again. While we're at computer stuff, I could sorely use printer ink as well. (ETA: I have an Epson Stylus C84.)

5) I'm still slowly getting the hang of staying on top of my money and by that I mean I am at the point where I'm still failing at it. Well not totally, everything's more or less getting paid only a little late. Omnipresent student loan debt aside (I'm going to be paying that shit off until I die at this rate) I'm about 7.5K in the hole on top of my usual paycheck to paycheck shit. I know that seems like a piddling amount of debt considering some of the horror stories I've heard with people racking up tens of thousands. But yeah... this has been the most expensive year of my life, and yeah, I probably could have handled my money better in the past few years, but I'm still shitty at it by myself. So yeah. I has a paypal account at kjpepper @ gmail, feel free to throw anything you want to throw in there.

6) A camera tripod and possibly a better zoom lens. (ETA: The Hatemonger is a Nikon D40.) I fully intend on working on photography next year (thinking about actually doing that picture a day thing in 2010), and having the tripod would help a LOT.

7) Handwritten letters. I LOVE being written to. Cards, postcards, pages long rambles about life the universe and everything... I miss getting letters, and nothing makes me happier than getting a piece of mail that doesn't involve someone trying to sign me up for a credit card or a bill. And you want to join that illustrious club of Good Mail along with Netflix and EW, don't you? And yes, I WILL write you back. Address is in this post; if you can't see it, drop me an email at bottledgoose at gmail.

8) Make me a "mixtape." I've got accounts at last.fm and blip, and I may cave in and sign up for iLike too so feel free to make me a playlist, or make me a youtube playlist and send me a link. Or come over to my house with a thumbdrive full of stuff to plunk onto my iPod. As someone who tends to slave and obsess over any sort of music concoction I brew for other people, I promise I will listen to every song. Also I accept the more traditional CDs or tapes, seeing as I have means to play both at home and in the car. Seriously, some of my more treasured things are CDs and tapes people have made me over the years.

9) I guess since I've run out of Things I Want that are even remotely grantable I guess this is where I can go absolutely ridiculous, huh? Well, my dream house is still on the market, and it's come down by $400K, so its now available for the totally affordable price of $900K. Plus tax. Just sayin! ;)

10) Okay but seriously now? One ridiculous fucked up out there wish? $15K. There is something I want pretty terribly that costs about that much, and I don't think there is any way in Satan's warm and spicy hell I'll ever be able to scrape it all up at once in any kind of timely manner even if I eat nothing but Maruchan Insta-noodles for the next five years. (speaking of which, what the hell, they don't make the cheese flavors of it anymore? I used to love that shit.) And no, it's not a new car i love my Hanzo-san DON'T BLASPHEME. And it's not a new pair of tits, or several kilos of premium cocaine, or a diamond studded ass plug or platinum corsets designed by Haus of Gaga for my AG dolls, though those ideas would all be hilarious. Trust me on this.

</self-indulgent holiday stuff>


On unrelated notes, I had a very good weekend. This may or may not have had something to do with spending the majority of it with cell23, though goddamn having a still healing mouth thing is incredibly frustrating as hell for not being able to do... certain things. Oh well, the meds I got on Friday certainly seem to be helping with that, even if wth, I haven't had to take sickeningly sweet liquid medicine by the teaspoonful since I was Kidzilla's age. I don't know, I feel like once you get all your permanent teeth all your meds are belong to us should have the decency to come in pill format. And barring that, at least be a level of gross-tasting befitting advanced years. Oh well. It's working, despite the menthol cherry horribleness. Should be kissable again in a day or two. :)

In other news, freezing rain. D: here's hoping I'll be okay for the drive in tomorrow. Oh well, if not, I'll get interviewed by aersi. Not a bad trade...

Why do things I want go on sale and/or come back in stock in my size whenever I don't have money??? *wail*

That's all, we now return you to your regularly scheduled livejournal bitching.